Dr Kanwal Kaisser Very intriguing subject Physiological and endocrinal explanations Psychoanalytic sociological and philosophical explanations Sexual desire is not talked about freely ID: 535725
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Slide1
Unspoken Desires
Dr. Kanwal KaisserSlide2
Very intriguing subject
Physiological and endocrinal explanationsPsychoanalytic, sociological and philosophical explanationsSexual desire is not talked about freely
Manifestation of sexual energyPresent in all human beingsSlide3
Defined as….
“a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.” Slide4
Categories of DesiresSlide5
What shapes each person’s preferences for these hidden desires?
Study of 607 college students led by Ashley Peterson, a psychologist at the State University of New York at New
Paltz. Slide6
Problem of Modern society Most
of our base needs are met so we create conquests and manufacture desires.How many people in the public eye flush
away long-term contentment for the short-term rush of desire? Slide7
Children At Different AgesSlide8
Pre-Scholars (0-5Yr)Children find that touching or rubbing their
private parts produces pleasurable sensations and touch themselves randomly.Children are curious about their bodies, and may want to touch or see other people’s bodies.Children
like playing “doctor” or “making babies” games.Slide9
Early School Age (5-9yrs)
Children have more contact with peers and may touch each other through activities such as tickling and wrestling.Children have learned not to touch in public.Dirty jokes are common among children, but they may not be fully understood.
Children begin to talk about sexual behaviors with their friends.Children ask questions such as, “Where did I come from?”Slide10
Pre Adolescence (9-12yrs)
Interest in sex increases and children may begin to experiment with sexual behaviors with other children.Puberty can begin as early as age nine; with the onset of puberty, boys are able to have “wet dreams.”Older children in this age range may begin to experiment
depending upon their exposure.Masturbation may be happening.Slide11
Ihtalam
The first nocturnal emission Semen accumulates in the testicles from puberty onwardsSemen
is expelled during the sleepNocturnal emission, wet dream or ihtlam.Slide12
Handling Kids Sexual Behavior
The power of parenting is often underestimated when it comes to helping children experience their sexual development in a positive way. Slide13
If Child Involved in Sexual Activity?
Stay calmFirst reaction is often shock and angerThis response may be more harmful to the child than the sexual behavior
itselfMay cause the child to become too frightened to talk about it. May prevent the child from providing information about where the behavior was learned.Slide14
If Child involved in sexual play?
Change their activity. Redirecting their behavior.
Provides a message behavior may be inappropriate.Allows time for parent to collect
thoughts and explore ways to respond.Slide15
How to Talk?
Sit down and have a quiet talk with the child.Making sure there are no distractions.Ask
the child in an open-ended, non-leading way about the sexual behavior. Consider your child’s stage of development .Use this as an opportunity to talk with him about halal and haram.
Work out Solutions.Slide16
Some RecommendationsEliminate exposure to parental nudity
Protect children in public restrooms Bathe
siblings separately Promote bathroom privacy for all Avoid intimate sexual activity with
children around, even if they sound asleep Control access to TV and videos, and restrict any sexually stimulating
content Slide17
Some common unspoken desiresSlide18
Fantasizing
Hidden Aggravating Factor Slide19
Outcome of Fantasizing
Desires not satisfiedDesires increase over
timeSickness will increase
Physical health also suffersSlide20
Pornography
Display of blatant degrees of nakedness and indecent scenes of intimacySlide21
Behavioral and Cognitive Consequences
Addiction: powerful sexual stimulant or aphrodisiac effect, Escalation:
more explicit and deviant material to meet their sexual “needs”Desensitization: What was first perceived as gross, shocking and disturbing, in time becomes common and acceptable
Acting out sexually: There is an increasing tendency to act out behaviors viewed in pornography.
(
website of the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and
Families)Slide22
Mind cannot differentiate between reality and fantasy Slide23
Homosexuality A clinical Barometer of
emotional traumaSlide24
Why people do it?
Seeks emotional comfortInfluence of people into porn and bad companyPersonality reflection: - Passive partner: emotional comfort
- Dominating partner: sexual satisfaction sense of conquestSlide25
Safeguard against Homosexuality
Assertive SkillsDrop certain friends Work on self-esteem
Strong Connection with QuranHealthy outlets Slide26
Islamic Ruling on Homosexuality
وَلُوطًا إِذْ قَالَ لِقَوْمِهِ أَتَأْتُونَ الْفَاحِشَةَ مَا سَبَقَكُم بِهَا مِنْ أَحَدٍ مِّنَ
الْعَالَمِينَ )80( إِنَّكُمْ
لَتَأْتُونَ الرِّجَالَ شَهْوَةً مِّن دُونِ النِّسَاءِ ۚ بَلْ أَنتُمْ قَوْمٌ مُّسْرِفُونَ
)81(
وَمَا
كَانَ جَوَابَ قَوْمِهِ
إِلَّا
أَن قَالُوا أَخْرِجُوهُم مِّن قَرْيَتِكُمْ ۖ إِنَّهُمْ أُنَاسٌ يَتَطَهَّرُونَ
)82(
فَأَنجَيْنَاهُ
وَأَهْلَهُ إِلَّا امْرَأَتَهُ كَانَتْ مِنَ
الْغَابِرِينَ
)83(
وَأَمْطَرْنَا
عَلَيْهِم مَّطَرًا ۖ فَانظُرْ كَيْفَ كَانَ عَاقِبَةُ
الْمُجْرِمِينَ
)84(
We
also (sent)
Lut
: He said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you
?
"For ye
practise
your lusts on men in preference to women: ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds
.”
And his people gave no answer but this: they said, "Drive them out of your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure
!” But
we saved him and his family, except his wife: she was of those who legged behind
.
And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): Then see what was the end of those who indulged in sin and crime
! (Al-
A’raaf
: 80-84)Slide27
MasturbationCommon Haram OutletSlide28
Masturbation factsMasturbation as exploration of the body is common in children between the ages of 3 and 6, in teens masturbation becomes more sophisticated and sexually motivated
.Both guys and girls masturbate. Slide29
Safeguard yourself
وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ
Who abstain from sex,(Al-Muminoon:5)Slide30
How to get over it???
Guard gazeDo not spend too much time on internet
Try not being alone unless when necessaryDrop certain friendsAdopt simple life styleSlide31
Prophet’s ﷺ Advice:
Sayyidina Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud
(RA) reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said to us: “0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
[Muslim]Slide32
TIPS, TIPS, TIPSBring out the BEST in you
…Slide33
Understanding Needs, Unconscious goals & Desires
Working on each building block….. keep your desires balanced……. avoid feeling dissatisfied
Self ActualizationSlide34
Islam speaks about unspoken desires
Self- ControlSelf-
DisciplineSelf-PurificationSlide35
Benefits of Guarding Desires
وَأَمَّا مَنْ خَافَ مَقَامَ رَبِّهِ وَنَهَى النَّفْسَ عَنِ الْهَوَىٰ
فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ هِيَ الْمَأْوَىٰ
And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower desires
,
Their abode will be the Garden.
(An-
Naa’ziaat
: 40-41)
Slide36
Desire VS Contentment
Contentment is marked by the complacency and satisfaction that follows fulfilling a desire or letting it go.
Both driving force of human behavior Slide37
Tips….Tips…TipsUnderstand that there is nothing wrong if a sexual thought crosses the mind.
Avoid stimulating things and Know all triggers. To avoid thinking about sex , fill time with something useful. Don't engage with members of the other sex. Slide38
Close Gateways to Immodesty
وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا الزِّنَا ۖ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَسَاءَ
سَبِيلًNor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road
(Bani
Israel: 32)Slide39
Obvious Hidden Motives
The Holy Prophetﷺ narrated: "Eyes commit adultery, and their adultery is the evil look; hands commit adultery, and their adultery is the use of violence; feet commit adultery, and their adultery is moving towards sin; the adultery of the tongue is (lustful) talk; and the adultery of the heart is the evil desire. In the end, the sexual organs either confirm all this (by their action) or disapprove of it." (
Bukhari)Slide40
Zina of Eyes
World of Naked fashionCrushes MoviesSocial Net WorkingReading Sexual stuff
Lower your gazeSlide41
Zina of Hands
MovementWhat we hold with itWhat we watch with itWhat we open with it
Muslim ManicureSlide42
Zina of Feet
MovementWhere we goWhat we wearHow we attract
Muslim GaitSlide43
Zina of Tongue
Dirty languageAlluring other gender GossipLie and cheat
Do
Dhikr Slide44
What Haya does to us?
Sense of OwnershipSlide45
Sign of life &
faith
Sign of recognition(“Marfat”) of AllahSense of responsibility
Feeling of being answerable for own deedsSlide46
Lift veil from veiled threatsCall immodesty what it is
Learn and teach social skillsBe proactiveLook for modest role modelsLearn and teach assertive skillsFocus on kid’s strengths
Make rules for yourself and kidsSlide47
Narrated Sahl
bin Sa'd: Allah's Apostleﷺ
said, "Whoever can guarantee (the chastity of) what is between his two jaw-bones and what is between his two legs (i.e. his tongue and his private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him.” (Bukhari)Slide48
To get in touch….
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser/
Hamaray Bachchay
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @ HamarayBachchay
h
bheadoffice
@
gmail.com
www.hamaraybachchay.com