Please reconcile this information with the instructions in the Big Book Bills commentary in the 12x12 and your sponsor Once you have an amends list prepared through the process of the 5th Step 12x12 p84 Note Observations with the help of a sponsor s ID: 35417
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MakingAmends Dan’sNote:Thisismyunderstandingoftheprocess. PleasereconcilethisinformationwiththeinstructionsintheBigBook,Bill’scommentaryinthe12x12andyoursponsor. Onceyouhaveanamendslistpreparedthroughtheprocessofthe5thStep.... 12x12p84 Note:Observationswiththehelpofasponsorshouldmaketheharmsdonesomewhatspecific. Prayforthewillingnesstosetrighteachspecificwrongoneatatime. 12x12p86 Denotewhichamendsyouarewillingtomakenow,laterandperhapsnever. Joe&Charlie Proceedrightawaywiththe'now'andcontinuetoprayabouttherest. 12x12p94 DirectlyprecedingeachamendstaketimetoprayforGod'shelptocompletetheprocessandbeuseful. Directamends: Thesearesuggestedprinciplepoints: Note:Thisisnotawordforwordtemplate 1.InowrealizethatthewayIwaslivingmylifewaswrong. 2.Iammakinganefforttoliveabetterlifenow. 3.IrecognizethatIhavecausedyouharm. 4.Iwouldliketomakethatrightwithyou. 5.HowmayIdothat? 6.Isthereanythingyouwouldliketotellme? Othertips: Don’tdelay! AskGodforstrengthanddirectiontodotheright thing. Beforeimplicatingothers,securetheirconsent. Tellhim:IwillnotgetoverdrinkinguntilI straightenoutthepast. Ifanenemy-confessillfeelingsandregret. Don’t:emphasizespiritualityunlessasked;ifso- usetactandcommonsense. Don’ttellhimwhattodo;onlyyourfaultsaretobe discussed.Don’tcriticizeorargue. Becalm,frankandopen. Makeademonstrationofgoodwill. Besensible,tactful,considerate,andhumble withoutbeingservileorscraping. Don’tdodgecreditors. Ifyouowemoney,makethebestdealyoucan. IndirectAmends :Sendinganhonestletter.(BBP83L22) Examples:Someonethatistoofaraway,deceased,won’tseeusor someonewecan’tfind. Note:Sameprinciplepointsofdirectamendsapply. Itisstillreasonabletowritetheletterevenifyoudon’tknowwhere tosendit. Remember: 1.Thisisusuallynotanapology.(Exception:CreditorsBBp78:2) a.Sayingyouaresorryiswornout.(BBP83L2) b.Anapologyinoursocietyseemstorequestaresponseofforgiveness. Wearenottheretohavethepersondecidetoforgive(reward)usornot.12x12p32 Note:Shouldthepersonrequestanapology...itdoesbecomeoktoconsiderdoingso. 2.Don'tgointogreatdetailaboutyourwrongs.Wetendtoautomaticallystartmakingexcusesifwetalk toomuch.Limitingdetailalsohelpsustoavoiddriftinginto(3)12x12p86 3.Donotconsider(duringthisprocess)thewrongactionstheotherpersonmayormaynothavemade. Keepyourfocusonyourownactions.Ifthoughtsofharmsdonetoyoucomeup…looktoforgive.BBp77 4.AsGod’speoplewestandonourfeet;wedon’tcrawlbeforeanyone.BBp83 Otherconsiderations. 1. Ifyouknowyouowethepersonandtheyoffertoforgivethedebt...rememberthis: Wesell,giveawayanddestroyourself-respectanickelandadimeatatime. Theamendsprocessishowwebuybackourself-respectbysettingthescalesstraight. 2. Ifyoufeeltherestitutionrequestedbytheotherpersonistoomuchtoaskofyou... refertheinformationtoyoursponsor. 3. Averyimportantparttothisprocessistolistentothefeedbackthepersonprovidestoyou.The observationsothersprovideaboutouractions(especiallyonesthatknowuswell)issomethingweneed torespectandhearonadailybasis.Thisiswherewebegintolearntodothis.12x12p82 ItisthebeginningoftheendofourisolationfromourfellowsandfromGod. 4. Ninetimesoutoftentheunexpectedhappens.BBp78:1 5. Rarelydowefailtomakesatisfactoryprogress.BBp78:1 6. Dowhatyoucanandmoveon!BBp78:1