Attraction and Love - PowerPoint Presentation

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Attraction and LoveSlide2

Introduction

What do we know about the causes of attraction? Why do we like some people better than others?

What are the similarities and differences between liking and loving others?Slide3

Reward-Cost Theory of AttractionResearch (

Lemann & Solomon, 1952) indicates that we like people…

…with pleasant characteristics…who agree with us…who like us…who cooperate with us

…who praise usBut why?Slide4

Reward-Cost Theory of Attraction

According to the reward-cost theory of attraction, we like people whose behavior provides us with maximum reward at minimum cost (Homans, 1961)Physically attractive people provide us with aesthetic rewards

People who agree with us validate our beliefs, which feels goodPeople who cooperate with us share our load of workSlide5

Reward-Cost Theory of Attraction

BUT the reward-cost theory cannot fully explain human attractionPeople like others for whom they have suffered (Aronson & Mills, 1959)

For example, in our prior readings, we learned that when you have to go through a painful initiation to join a group, you tend to value that group more due to the cognitive dissonance that arises when hard work has to be put into something you presumably valueSlide6

Factors That Determine Attractiveness

What factors play a role in determining whether a person will be liked or disliked?PraiseFavors

Personal attributes (competence, physical attractiveness)SimilarityBeing likedGain/loss of self-esteemSlide7

The Effects of Praise

In general, we like people who evaluate us positively (or praise us) far more than those who evaluate us negatively (Aronson & Darwyn

, 1965; Aronson & Worchel, 1966; Sigall & Aronson, 1969)However, there are situations in which this is not the case….Slide8

The Effects of Praise

Research shows that a negative evaluation generally increases the admiration we feel for the evaluator so long as he or she is not evaluating us For example, students rated a highly critical book reviewer to be more intelligent, competent, and expert than a positive reviewer, but less likable (

Amabile, 1983)We also do not like praise if we feel we are being manipulatedIf the praise is too lavish, it seems unwarranted

If the praiser will benefit from the ingratiating behavior, then he or she is not liked very muchSlide9

The Effects of Favors

We tend to like people who do us favors In a classic study of women in a reformatory, the most popular women were those who initiated new and interesting activities and helped others become part of those activities, that is, did a type of favor (Jennings, 1959)Slide10

The Effects of Favors

However, we do not like people whose favors seem to have strings attached to themstrings constitute a threat to the freedom of the receiver

People do not like to receive a gift when a gift is expected in returnPeople do not like to receive favors from individuals who are in a position to benefit from these favorsSlide11

The Effects of Praise and Favors

So, the effect of praise and favors depends on situational variablesIt turns out, if you want someone to like you, instead of doing him or her a favor, try to get him or her to do you a favor

If your friend does a favor for you, he she will have to justify this action by convincing him or herself that you are an attractive, deserving person (because of the cognitive dissonance that would be aroused by doing a favor for an undeserving person!)Slide12

The Effects of Praise and Favors

Example of when getting someone to do a favor increased their liking:After having won lots of money for participation in a study, students who were asked to return the money as a “special favor” to the experimenter later reported liking the experimenter better than those who had not done this favor (Jecker & Landy, 1969)Slide13

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Two of the most important personal characteristics that play a role in determining the extent to which a person will be liked:CompetencePhysical AttractivenessCompetence

It would seem that people who are perceived as more competent are also perceived as more likable, but this is not always the caseSlide14

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Competence, cont.A highly competent person may make us uncomfortable (they may seem unapproachable, distant, superhuman, and make us look bad)

Pratfall effect = some evidence of fallibility in a highly competent person may make us like them better

A nearly perfect person who made a blunder was liked most compared to a nearly perfect person who did not blunder and mediocre people who either did or did not blunder (Aronson et al., 1966)Slide15

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Competence, cont.To test the pratfall effect, Aronson and colleagues had college students listen to an audiotape recording of a person who was supposedly trying out for a game show. They listened to one of the following four people:A nearly perfect person who got 92% of questions right

A nearly perfect person who commits a blunder (they got 92% of questions right but spilled their coffee on their suit)A mediocre person who got 30% of questions correctA mediocre person who commits a blunder (they got 30% of questions correct but spilled their coffee on their suit)Slide16

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Competence, cont. – the study results:Students rated the superior person who committed the blunder as the most attractive

The perfect person without the blunder was secondThe mediocre person without the blunder was thirdAnd the mediocre person with the blunder was liked leastSlide17

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Physical Attractiveness

Research overwhelmingly suggests that we are influenced by another person’s looksFor college students set up on blind dates, the only determinant of whether a couple liked each other was their physical attractiveness. If a handsome man was matched with a beautiful woman, they were most likely to want to see each other again. (

Walster et al., 1966)In couples in long-term relationships, another researcher found that the similarity of the attractiveness of members of the couple was crucial in determining whether a relationship lasted (White, 1980)Slide18

The Effects of Personal Attributes

All other things being equal, people’s physical attractiveness influences a wide range of attributions

College students were shown pictures of three college-age people – one was attractive, one was average, and one was unattractive. Participants rated each of the people on 27 personality traits and predicted their future happiness.Physically attractive people were assigned by far the most desirable traits and the greatest prognosis for future happiness. This was true whether men were rating men, men were rating women, women were rating men, or women were rating women (Dion et al., 1972)Slide19

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Physical attractiveness (cont.)Our culture reinforces and magnifies this preference for physical attractiveness

From childhood, we learn that beauty is associated with goodness (children’s movies, books)Slide20

The Effects of Personal AttributesSlide21

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Physical attractiveness (cont.)Dion (1972) asked several women to examine reports of severe classroom disturbances supposedly written by a teacher. Each report had a photo of the child who was supposedly the cause of the disturbances.

People tended to attribute less blame to beautiful children (male or female), even when the children were reported to be misbehaving. This shows that we tend to give attractive children the benefit of the doubt far more than unattractive children.Slide22

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Physical attractiveness, cont.A similar phenomenon was found with adolescents:

6th graders and their teachers rated the attractive students as being more competent than the less attractive students (Lerner et al., 1991)Beauty has important consequences in the business world as wellFrieze and colleagues (1991) tracked the careers of 700 young adults and found that more attractive men got higher salaries, and more attractive women got higher and more frequent raises than their less attractive counterparts (Frieze et al., 1991)Slide23

The Effects of Personal Attributes

Physical attractiveness, cont.Beauty may influence the legal system to some degree (Downs & Lyons, 1991)

Downs and Lyons found that for misdemeanors, the judges were more lenient with good-looking defendants (lower bail, lower fines)BUT for actual felonies, the physical attractiveness of the defendant made no differenceBut is physical attractiveness objective or subjective (i.e., is beauty in the eye of the beholder)?Slide24

Is Beauty Objective or Subjective?

There’s evidence for both sides!Objective: according to some researchers, certain faces are inherently more attractive

Research has demonstrated high levels of agreement when people rate others’ attractiveness among children and adults, men and women, and across culturesCertain physical features are reliably associated with attractivenessBabies exhibit a nonverbal preference for faces considered attractive by adults (e.g., symmetrical faces) – they spend far longer gazing at attractive faces than unattractive facesSlide25

Attractive Features

MEN

WOMEN

V-shaped physique

Height

Broad jaw

Hourglass figure

Large eyes

Prominent cheekbones

Small nose

Wide smile

Men and Women:

Average facial features

SymmetrySlide26

Why These Features?

According to evolutionary psychologists, human beings all over the world exhibit patterns of attraction and mate selection that favor conception, birth, and survival of offspring

We tend to be most attracted to features that also indicate the health and fertility of the other personFor example, symmetrical facial features, clear skin, and low hips (in females) have been shown to be associated with health and fertilitySlide27

Is Beauty Objective or Subjective?

Subjective: according to some researchers, physical attractiveness is subjective and is influenced by culture, time, and the circumstances of our perceptionPeople from different cultures enhance their beauty in different ways

Body ideals differ across culturesStandards of beauty change over timeJudgments of beauty can be manipulated in the lab – For example, people rate each other as more attractive once they get to know and like each other!Slide28

Is Beauty Objective or Subjective?

Beauty over time and across cultures…Slide29

Is Beauty Objective or Subjective?

Thus, the truth is probably somewhere in between:Though there tends to be a lot of agreement in terms of what people consider attractive, it is not completely universal and can depend on the situationSlide30

The Effects of Similarity

Research shows that if all you know about a person are his or her opinions on several issues, the more similar those opinions are to yours, and the more you like the person (Byrne, 1969)

Why?If people share our attitudes and opinions on important issues, we think they must be uncommonly intelligent, thoughtful individualsThey provide us with social validation for our beliefsThat is, they provide us with the feeling that we are right, which is rewardingSlide31

The Effects of Similarity

Similarity, cont.If we happen to like someone for some irrelevant reason (e.g., a common interest), we will assume that his or her important attitudes must be similar to ours

So, causality works in both directions: all other things being equal, we like people whose attitudes are similar to ours, and if we like someone, we attribute attitudes to him or her that are similar to oursSlide32

The Effects of Being LikedOne of the most powerful determinants of whether we will like another person is whether the other person indicates that he or she likes us (Secord &

Backman, 1964)Merely believing that someone likes you can initiate a spiraling series of events that promotes increasingly positive feelings between you and the other personSlide33

The Effects of Being Liked

Examples:If you and I met briefly at a party, and later, a mutual friend told me that you had nice things to say about me, in our next meeting I would like you more and behave in a friendly manner; you would like me more!

Curtis and Miller (1986) told some people they were liked by another person and others that they were disliked. Those who thought they were liked behaved in more likable ways (were warmer, self-disclosed more, disagreed less, etc.), and so the other person liked them more. Thus, knowledge of whether someone likes or dislikes you can create a sort of self-fulfilling prophecySlide34

The Effects of Being Liked

Also, the greater our insecurity and self-doubt, the fonder we will grow of the person who likes usThose who are initially less secure about themselves will tend to like someone who likes them regardless of the other person’s personal attributes

Those with higher self-esteem tend to be choosier – they do not like someone indiscriminately just because that person likes themSlide35

The Effects of Gain and Loss of Self-Esteem

Gain-loss effect (Aronson & Linder, 1965) The theory that we like people most if we feel that over time, they have grown to like us increasingly more

That is, if they initially disliked us but now like usFurther, this theory hypothesizes that we dislike people most if we feel we have lost their favor That is, if they initially liked us but now dislike usSlide36

The Effects of Gain and Loss of Self-Esteem

Gain-loss effect, cont.So, increases in positive, rewarding behavior from another person have more impact on an individual than constantly rewarding behavior

Similarly, losses in positive behavior have more impact than constant negative behaviorFor the gain-loss effect to occur……a change of heart must be made explicit…the

change of heart must be gradual (if not, it does not seem genuine)Slide37

Types of Relationships

Clark and Mills distinguish between:Exchange Relationships: where there is concern about fairness in the relationship

For example, if I spend $15 at the grocery store, I would want you to pay me back for halfMore typical of more distant relationshipsCommunal Relationships: neither partner keeps score – partners tend to help one another based on needFor example, when I have less income, my husband foots the bills more frequently

More typical of intimate relationshipsSlide38

Love and Intimacy

It turns out that people love one another for some of the same reasons that they come to like each other

Research shows that one of the major factors determining whether we like or love someone is their physical proximityIt is more likely that we will fall in love with someone who lives in or near our

town or attends our university than with someone who lives far awayThis is because it is easier to develop and sustain love with someone who is closer byThe second most important factor is

similarity

People tend to like and love others with similar opinions, attitudes, values, beliefs, personalities, and looksSlide39

Love and Intimacy

According to Hartfield and Rapson (2002), there are two basic types of love:

Passionate love = characterized by strong emotions, sexual desire, and intense preoccupation with the belovedRapid onsetIntensity cools over time (short-lived)Companionate love = characterized by feelings of mutual trust, dependability, and warmth

Milder and more stable than passionate loveLasts longer and deepens over timeSlide40

Love & IntimacyAccording to Sternberg (1988), there is a triangle of love:

There are three ingredients of lovePassion (euphoria, sexual excitement)

Intimacy (feeling free to talk about anything, feeling close to and understood by the loved one)Commitment (needing to be with the other person, feeling loyal)Love can consist of any one component alone or all threeSlide41

Love and Intimacy

Sternberg’s triangle of love,

cont:As the relationship develops, it moves from pure passion into a combination of passion and intimacy called romantic love

As the relationship matures further, it becomes companionate (combination of intimacy and commitment without a lot of passion)The ultimate goal is consummate love

(the blending of all three components); this is only rarely achieved because couples often lose the passion and get stuck in companionate loveSlide42

Communication and Relationships

As relationships become more intimate, it becomes increasingly important to communicate more authentically:

This means being honest about oneself without trying to make a good impressionIn order to communicate honestly, Aronson advocates straight talk:clearly stating one’s feelings without accusing, blaming, judging, or ridiculing the other personSlide43

Communication and Relationships

Straight talk involves:Expressing one’s feelings directly and openly at the time they arise (not bottling them up and having them leak out passive-aggressively later)

Expressing one’s own feelings rather than judging or criticizing the other (“I feel upset when x happens because.…”

rather than, “You are annoying when.…”)See the book for great examples of this!It is crucial that one communicates in a calm manner where the other person can hear the communication rather than become defensive and deny, though this is easier said than done and takes practiceSlide44

The end