The Ask: Invitation to Engagement - PowerPoint Presentation

The Ask: Invitation to Engagement January 30, 2018 Deborah Reidy Tom Doody

Framing Question How can we best spend a day with participants in Creating our Common Wealth that will increase the likelihood of people being served enjoying more friendships with people from outside the usual circles of other service recipients, staff, and families?

Agenda Frame the Day, Revisit CCW “North Star” Vision Individual Reflection & Group Discussion on CCW Status Practice Talking About, Inviting Others to Support, CCW Vision Break Unconscious Bias, Devaluation and How to Offset as the Asker Lunch Obstacles & Facilitators Around the Invitation to Relationship Break The Ask: Call to Action What Doing the Work Requires Wrap Up

“The North Star”: The CCW Vision Our purpose is to foster leadership committed to increasing social inclusion, freely-given friendships, and other meaningful relationships between people with and without disabilities… In a way that promotes innovation; provides invitation, direction and encouragement; generates collective learning; and strengthens personal and professional bonds… So that over time communities embrace the gifts, talents and capacities of citizens of all abilities.

Some Elements of Freely-given Friendship Freely-Given/Unpaid “Belongs” to Friends—Not Managed by Others Presence/Sufficient Contact Enduring/Long-term and/or Renewable Flexible/Changing/Evolving/Growing Emotionally Engaged/Caring/Heartfelt Honesty/Trust/Openness Practical Support/Help in Times of Need Mutually Rewarding—Perhaps Not Equal

Personal Reflection: North Star Impact at Work How do I define the “North Star” to myself? Has my involvement changed my understanding of what’s important to the people I serve? What has changed? Has my involvement changed my understanding of my job? On priorities at work? How? Any work role changes?

Personal Reflection: Personal and Community Efforts Have I made any changes in my personal life based on my involvements? At home, community groups, other places? Who have I talked to about friendship building? How many times? How did it go? Others’ response? Impact on them?

Personal Reflection: What’s Past, What’s Next? What do I find to be the most meaningful part of my involvement? What has been most challenging? Am I making a commitment to this relationship building work? Why? What support do I need to do this effectively?

Background of Related Projects Commissioner Elin Howe Initiates Efforts Increased Inclusion in Regulations Real Friends—Raising the Possibility Widening the Circle—Implementation Efforts Creating Our Common Wealth—Leadership Toward Social Inclusion and Friendship Pathways to Friendship—Thirteen Agencies Implementation Training and Consultation

Creating Our Common Wealth Invitations to Emerging Leaders Conferences—Beth Mount, John O’Brien, Al Condeluci , Others CCW Leadership Group—Larry Tumino , Jack Yates, Bertha Young, Regional Facilitators, Others Training, Consultation, Webinars, Websites—Deb Reidy , Tom Doody , Jim Ross, Mary Ann Brennen , Others Individual Projects—Regional Work Groups DDS Social Inclusion Policy and Clarifications Center for Developmental Disabilities Evaluation and Research—Christine Clifford

Practice Talking About, Inviting Others to Support, CCW Vision Goal: For participants to practice talking about freely-given relationships, and to respond to some potential questions when suggesting the possibility. Group assignments : Direct service staff Agency leadership Family members Community group members ( Potential) employers and coworkers   Process : Each group will have a leader/provocateur. The groups will have about 30 minutes to complete their tasks.

The Problem is Devaluation Different in Ways Seen as Significant Person or Group Defined by Difference Differentness is Valued Negatively Person or Group is Valued Negatively Leads to Negative Responses from Others DEVALUATION, NOT DISABILITY, IS THE PROBLEM TO ADDRESS

Ingroup/ Outgroup Bias Ingroup Bias: Perceiving people who are similar to you more positively than people who are more different than you. Outgroup Bias: Perceiving people who are different from you more negatively than people who are more similar to you. Lieberman, Rock, Halvorson & Cox, 2015

Mitigating Devaluation: Revaluation Implement strategies to help people in the outgroup become members of the ingroup (and/or be perceived as more like me than different )

Threat Response: Physical to Social =

The Brain’s Organizing Principle

S C A R F

Obstacles & Facilitators Around the Invitation to Relationships People with Disabilities Their Families Potential Friends Community Associations Staff and Service Systems Our Communities

The Art of the Ask Genuine enthusiasm about the person’s and the potential friend’s gifts and potential Communicate the benefits for us all—for communities Communicate the ask as an invitation rather than an exhortation Be clear and honest about the invitation Create some time and space for consideration Carefully gauge the level of commitment being asked Be conscious of the SCARF Model Be gently persistent, with the other’s permission

Generating the “Chutzpa” “I’m excited” Assume positive intent of all involved parties Remember the reality of unconscious bias: maintain compassion—Admit own struggles Harness the power of vision (“What we carry in our thoughts tend to become manifested.”) Remember how important this is for the people we serve—and our commitment to address their pressing needs

Foundations for “Yes” from Fundamental Beliefs and Values Faith—Religious and/or moral teachings Social Justice—Speaking for fairness of others Community building—Bridging social capital Relationship enrichment—Interdependence and shared growth Personal experience—Standing by others facing similar challenges A.J. Hildebrand

Person-focused Approaches Change the Person Stimulate Existing/Potential Network Involve Person in New Groups Agency-Based Volunteer Program Workers’ Personal Networks Urge Others to Reach Out Broker Through Specially Committed Other Person Semi-Independent Program Independent Program

Well-crafted Individual Relationship Support Plans Culturally Valued Analogue—Bring the Ordinary to Consciousness Plans Tailored to Individual Relationship and Relationship Support Needs Principles of the Relationship Supporter Role These Elements Combine to Form an Individualized Support Plan

Principles of the Supporter Role: Preparing Oneself Maintain Clarity of Purpose High Expectations and Positive Assumptions for All Involved Parties Consciousness of Obstacles and Facilitators Truly Respecting and Valuing People Modeling Desirable Patterns of Interaction Plan and Prepare Thoughtfully for One Person

Principles of the Supporter Role: Engaging with Others Follow Image Enhancing Practices Use Natural and Typical Means as Much as Possible Act and Adapt with and for Individuals Welcome and Engage Openness Encourage Interaction Explore Possibilities for Repeat Contact Adequate Support and Minimal Presence

Principles of the Supporter Role: General Guidelines Openness to Opportunities Persisting Through Inevitable Rejection Avoiding Paralysis Sacrificing Ones Own Opportunities Learning—Always—From Experiences in Own Relationships and Supporting Others in Theirs Maintain Consistent and Persistent Effort

Preparing for Inevitable “ No”s Remember: How important relationships are for us all—especially when we have few The time and effort we put into our own relationships—especially when there’s a void Relationships are hard for us all—how loneliness and rejection hurt The central importance of good relationships To learn, and not to blame, then try again Each “no” is one step closer to “yes”

Conclusion: Getting Started Embrace Importance of Friendship & Belonging Know Community Belonging and Freely-Given Relationships are Possible for Everyone Know That Each of Us—No Matter Our Current Role—Can Take Positive Action Live Inclusive Friendship and Belonging in Your Own Life First—Legitimate Invitation to Others