Presented By Angela M Yocum BS Objectives Explore risk factors Identify grooming techniques Learn the effects of abuse Understand why victims stay Discover ways to help Uncover safety concerns when breaking up ID: 738587
Download Presentation The PPT/PDF document "Teen and Young Adult Relationship Abuse:..." is the property of its rightful owner. Permission is granted to download and print the materials on this web site for personal, non-commercial use only, and to display it on your personal computer provided you do not modify the materials and that you retain all copyright notices contained in the materials. By downloading content from our website, you accept the terms of this agreement.
Slide1
Teen and Young Adult Relationship Abuse: Identifying, Understanding and Preventing Victimization
Presented By: Angela M. Yocum, BSSlide2
Objectives:
Explore risk factors
Identify grooming techniques
Learn the effects of abuse
Understand why victims stay
Discover ways to help
Uncover safety concerns when breaking up
Educate on how to prevent dating abuseSlide3
Why is Relationship Abuse Education Important?Slide4
Very Common
- Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
Physical Dating Violence Among High School Students-United States, 2003.
- 1 in 3 adolescents in the US is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional abuse from a dating partner; a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
Davis, Antionette, MPH. 2008.
Interpersonal and Physical Dating Violence among Teens
.
- 9.4% of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to a nationwide survey.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
2011 Youth Risk Behavior Survey.
- Nearly half (43%) of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors.
Fifth & Pacific Companies, Inc. (Formerly: Liz Claiborne, Inc.), Conducted by Knowledge Networks, (December 2010).
“College Dating Violence and Abuse Poll,”
Available at: https://www.breakthecycle.org/surveys.Slide5
Young People are at a Higher Risk
- Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence.
Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice and Statistics,
Intimate Partner Violence in the United States, 1993-2004. Dec. 2006
.
- Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of 12 and 18.
Rosado, Lourdes. The Pathways to Youth Violence;
How Child Maltreatment and Other Risk Factors Lead Children to Chronically Aggressive Behavior, 2000
. American Bar Association Juvenile Justice Center.
- About 1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,
2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey.
- About 72% of eighth and ninth graders are “dating”.
Foshee VA, Linder GF, Bauman KE, et al.
The Safe Dates Project: theoretical basis, evaluation design, and selected baseline findings
. American Journal of Preventive Medicine 1996; 12(2):39-47.Slide6
Lack of Awareness
- Only 33% of teens who were in a violent relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.
Liz Claiborne Inc., Conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited, February 2008.
- 81% of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
“Women’s Health,” June/July 2004, Family Violence Prevention Fund and Advocates for Youth.
- College students are not equipped to deal with dating abuse. 57% say it is difficult to identify and 58% say they don’t know how to help someone who is experiencing it.
Fifth & Pacific Companies, Inc. (Formerly: Liz Claiborne, Inc.), Conducted by Knowledge Networks, (December 2010).
“College Dating Violence and Abuse Poll,”
Available at: https://www.breakthecycle.org/surveys.Slide7
A Little Bit About Me:
Army Wife
Ravens Fan
Sister
Daughter
Marathoner
Public Speaker
Mom
Crafter
Dog Mom
Disney FanaticSlide8
A Survivor…Slide9Slide10
What Does Relationship Abuse Look Like?Slide11
Physical
Hitting
Kicking
Slapping
Punching
Grabbing
Scratching
Choking
Threatening to strike
Pushing
Encouraging substance abuse
Throwing things
Biting
BurningCutting or encouraging self-harmUse of a weaponRestrainingKnocking overTowering over or using body to intimidate Slide12
Verbal
Name calling
Public humiliation
Starting rumors
Yelling and screaming
Verbal put-downs
Judging and criticizing
Threatening
Ordering around
Undermining
Insults disguised as a joke
Accusing and blaming
Denial
SarcasmSlide13
Emotional
False accusations
Must ask permission
Says thoughts and opinions are wrong
Belittles accomplishments
Blaming
Stalking
Emotional distancing
LGBT Relationships: Threats of “outing”
Dismiss personal boundaries and requests
Game playing
Disapproval
Distancing from family and friends
Comments about appearance Ignoring or “ghosting” only to reappear laterSlide14
Sexual
Rape
Pushing boundaries
Making degrading and upsetting remarks
Pressuring
Harassment
Sex = love
Jokes
Getting pregnant on purpose; lying about birth control
“No” not an option
Has multiple partners
Refusing protection
Refusing testing
Obscene languageGropingUnwanted wrestling or ticklingTells others about sex life without partner’s permissionSlide15
Digital
Limits social media friendships and interactions
Uses sites like facebook, twitter, foursquare and other GPS enabled apps to keep constant tabs
Puts victim down online
Pressures to send explicit videos or pictures
Constantly texts or calls; can’t be separated from phone for fear of punishment
Steals or insists to be given passwords
Looks through phone
Sends negative, insulting or threatening messages, emails, texts, tweets, etc.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/what-is-digital-abuseSlide16
Who Might Be More
At Risk?
Low self-esteem
Family issues
Sensitive
Submissive
Bullying victim
Emotional dependence
Domestic violence
Poor boundaries
Insecure
Depression
AnxietyFew friends
Feel isolatedPoor gradesSubstance abuseAttention seeking
It
Can Happen to
Anyone…Slide17
Do all relationships that become abusive start out that way?
NO.
However, there are often many red flags that are present.Slide18
ONE OF THE FIRST RED FLAGS!
Is the abuser wants the relationship to progress quickly.
“I love you”
Together 24/7
Constant contact
Meeting the parents
Talk of marriage
……All within the first weekSlide19
The Start:
The 9 Grooming TechniquesSlide20
1. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Using possessive words to others
“She’s mine”; “You can’t talk to her.”
Making victim feel jealous to get her to “prove” her love
“There is a girl in my math class that I can have if I want. She’s not uptight like you.” “Sara messaged me on snapchat. She’s pretty hot and doesn’t care that I have a girlfriend.”
Uses guilt to manipulate other relationships
“If you go to the dance with your friends, you don’t care about how I feel. Forget hanging out with me ever again.”
Jealous rages
“I saw you smile at that guy!! You like him, don’t you?!”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide21
2. Insecurity
Abuser acts insecure and seeks constant reassurance of victim’s love and loyalty
“My parents don’t love me. I’m glad I have you…right? ”
Wants pity and sympathy
“My Mom says awful things to me and I take it out on you. You remind me of her sometimes. It isn’t my fault.” May resort to intense crying sessions.
Threatens suicide or harm to victim
“If you leave me, I’ll kill myself and you.”
Magnifies victim’s insecurities or creates new ones
“You look fat in that shirt.” “No one else will ever want you.” “That hot girl from math class thinks you are ugly”.
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide22
3. Intimidation
Intimidates by frightening, coercing or threatening others
“If your Dad tries to keep us apart, I’m going to go nuts and end up really hurting him.”
Can verbally or physically intimidate victim
Tone of voice can be yelling or harsh; abuser might charge at victim as if she is going to strike
Threatening to hurt the victim or tell a secret
“If you break up with me, I’ll tell your parents that we had sex. You know they are going to be pissed.”
Vulgar language
Referring to the victim’s body in ways that are degrading, asks personal sexual questions, graphic descriptions of sex acts
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide23
4. Anger
Outbursts scare and control the victim so the abuser can get what he wants
Sometimes violence is glorified in the media and the abuser might think this behavior is ok
Yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing things, grabbing, slamming doors and objects can occur during an outburst
Number of incidents increase and the intensity escalates as time goes on
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide24
5. Accusations
False or exaggerated accusations to frighten, threaten or ultimately control the victim
“I know you are cheating on me. If you acted like you loved me more often maybe I wouldn’t think there was someone else.”
Accuses target of doing things they did not do
“I know you were passing notes to that guy in class. My friends saw you and told me about it.” (Unable to name friends when questioned).
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide25
6. Flattery
“Smooth Talkers”: Not sincere or honest compliments
“I know a lot of guys like me, but I don’t like them. You seem like a nice person. I hope one day you and I will be closer together. You look good and you know it.”
There is always a string attached to the flattery; something that is wanted or expected in return
Makes victim think they are “everything” in the abuser’s world and that they have no one else to depend on
“You don’t know what I go through. Everyone hates me but you.”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide26
7. Status
Uses his or her popularity or money to lure victim
“I like you a lot even though we aren’t going out. If I didn’t I wouldn’t waste 5 minutes on a phone call with you. There are lots of other girls I could call. Don’t think I’m too good for you. I wouldn’t be wasting my time if I didn’t care for you.”
May convince victim that they can use the abuser to gain status within their social circle
“I know you want me. You treat me right and see what that brings you.”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide27
8. Bribery
“Giving to Get”: Gives gifts to manipulate the target
“I bought you those diamond earrings. They were very expensive. I bought all these things for you, but you don’t give a damn. You don’t give me
anything
. You are so selfish and ungrateful.”
Promise of marriage or always being together
“When we are old enough, we are going to get married and then we won’t have to worry about anyone else butting in to our lives. I don’t care what anyone says, we will always be together no matter what.”
Promise of sex, drugs or alcohol to keep the victim in a relationship with the abuser
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide28
9. Control
Wants to control what victim does and how they think and feel
“No one else will love you like I do.”
Seeks gain of power or dominance over another person
“If you don’t want to see me mad, you do what I say.”
Constantly calls or texts to check up; may become angry if contacts are unanswered over a certain period of time
Tells victim how to dress, who to hang out with
“Don’t wear that dress again. I don’t want people to think I’m dating a slut.”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide29
Sends harassing/threatening messages, notes, etc. to victim and their friends and family
Humiliates victim in public
In front of friends: “You’re so stupid. I can’t believe you gave the wrong answer in class.” (laughing) “You never know what you are talking about, do you?”
Isolates victim from friends and family
“Your friends and family don’t love you. They are jealous of our relationship and want to tear us apart.”
Ignoring and the “silent treatment”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide30
Emotional Grooming
False Sense of Trust
“You’re all I think about.”
“You’re my everything.”
“You’re the only one who understands me.”
“I’m not like the assholes you dated. I’ll never hurt you.”
Secrecy
“No one can know about us. We’ll both get in trouble.”
“We can still be together. No one would have to know about it. I can’t believe your parents want us to break up. I can’t be without you. You’re the only thing keeping me alive.”
McGee, Kathleen M. and Buddenberg, Laura J. (2003). Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. 3
rd
Edition. Nebraska: Boys Town Press.Slide31
Relationship Abuse can be tough to spot at first because it is usually kept secret until things get out of control.Slide32
A Quick Word About Prior Victims and Social Drama…
Warnings about an abuser can circulate around school or online. However, an abuser will try to cover up past abusive relationships by blaming any accusations or rumors on the prior victim.
“My ex was crazy. She had a lot of problems, and blamed her issues on me. She told everyone that I used to hit her, but it isn’t true. I also never badmouthed her. She thought it up herself and spread rumors. She’s just jealous and trying to break us up.”
The new victim will most likely ignore the warning signs because they believe any past incidents were made up by a jealous or “crazy” ex. Slide33
Special Concerns: Drugs and Alcohol
The Risk:
Under the influence, victims are vulnerable to:
Sexual assault
Unprotected sex
Risky situations
Not remembering
Addiction
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/drugs-alcohol-abuseSlide34
Other Risks:Strong, rapidly changing emotions
Quick escalation
Harder to escape
Situations can go from fun to scary very quickly
Inability to get out of the situation
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/drugs-alcohol-abuseSlide35
How To Spot an Abusive Teen Relationship: For Professionals
Remember: Dating abuse is BULLYING disguised as a loving, caring relationship. Slide36
The couple is always togetherYou witnessed arguments or disrespect
Unexplained bruises or cuts
Rumors are circulating
Negative reputation
The victim is withdrawn
Declining grades
No longer interested in sports or clubsSlide37
How to Spot an Abusive Relationship: For Parents
Always spends time with partner
Constantly answering texts and calls. Anxious about being away from phone
Seems isolated from family, friends
Makes excuses for partner’s behavior
Loss of self-confidence
Anxiety and depression
Drops out of sports, gives up hobbiesSlide38
Identity seems wrapped up in relationshipSubstance abuseChanges in eating, sleeping patterns
Self-harm
Always wearing cover-up clothing
Easily angered and upset; cries often
Will not discuss relationship, dismisses concern
Sneaking around and hiding things
Breaking rulesSlide39
A Little About Abusers…
Why Do They Abuse?
Lack of emotional control over their own lives
Might be “normal”
Don’t know how to handle emotions
Inflated self-esteem
Power and control are valuable
Know tactics work
Used and abused alsoSlide40
Who is At Risk for Dating Violence?
Factors that increase risk for harming a partner
:
Belief that dating violence is acceptable
Depression, anxiety and other trauma symptoms
Aggressive behaviors
Substance abuse
Early sexual activity and multiple partners
Having a friend involved in dating violence
Conflict with partner
Witnessing or experiencing violence at home
Someone who hurts animals
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control: Division of Violence Prevention. www.cdc.gov/violencepreventionSlide41
Something To Remember:
Abuse is a
CHOICE
. Abusers know what they are doing and know it is hurtful. They know how to use power and control to get what they want. Someone who loves you would
not
choose to hurt you
.Slide42
Why Do Victims Stay?Slide43
Love
Is a powerful thing, and very difficult to understand. Often, it gets undermined in teen relationships because many adults don’t think they can experience it.
Once someone falls in love, it becomes easier to accept negative behaviors. The relationship means so much that the victim is afraid of losing it, so they don’t stick up for themselves when they are treated badly.Slide44
Fear
Is also a powerful tool. If the victim begins to feel even a little afraid, they may begin to “walk on eggshells” to avoid upsetting their partner. Even if the anger and violence the victim has witnessed was not directed at them, just knowing that their partner has a short fuse and a tendency to be violent may be enough to take a future breakup off the table. Slide45
Self-Esteem Issues
Sometimes, a victim really believes that he or she deserves the abuse. As stated in the previous grooming techniques, one of the abuser’s power and control tactics is to chip away at the victim’s self-esteem. The abuser often tells the victim that they will never find anyone else to love them and will be alone forever. The victim believes the lies.Slide46
Hope and Promises
With each fight, the abuser promises that it will never happen again. These incidents start out small and often build over time. The victim hopes that their partner might one day change and their behavior will get better. They hope that their partner will one day see that their behavior is wrong and hurtful. They believe that they can help their partner change.Slide47
Guilt
The victim may start to think that the reason that their abuser is hurting them is because of something they did or said, often because the abuser blames them for their behavior. They may also feel guilty about sexual things they have done with their partner or substance abuse that would upset their parents; sometimes the abuser threatens to tell their parents if they try to leave. Slide48
Guilt and Suicide/Self-harm Threat
Many times, the abuser may use the threat of suicide or self-harm to persuade the victim to stay. The victim may be afraid of the guilt they would feel if their abuser actually followed through on their threats.
Sometimes, the abuser actually does follows through on self-harm threats, leaving the victim fearful of how much the situation may escalate. Slide49
Embarrassment
It may be hard for the victim to admit that they’ve been abused. Especially if they seem confident and successful in other areas of their lives. They may feel that they’ve done something wrong and will be judged for being involved in an abusive relationship.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationshipsSlide50
Culture and Religion
Traditional gender roles and societal values can make it difficult for teens to admit to sexual activity and to admit to being abused. Married young adults may be influenced by their culture or religion to stay in the marriage for fear of embarrassing their family.
www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationshipsSlide51
Distrust of Adults or Authority
Puppy-love Phenomena
Adults often don’t believe that teens really experience love. So if something goes wrong in the relationship, teens may feel that they have no one to turn to or that no one will take them seriously.
Distrust of Police
Many teens and young adults do not feel that the police can or will help them, so they don’t report the abuse. They may have done something illegal that their partner knows about and is afraid they will tell police if the abuse is reported. Also, teens may not feel like the law is on their side and they cannot be protected.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationshipsSlide52
Would The Victim Ever Think, “This Is Normal?” About Their Partner’s Behavior? Yes…
Especially if this relationship is the only one the victim has ever had. They might think that the fighting is normal and it is ok for their partner to act in a way others would think is unacceptable.
Also, if the victim grew up in a home where there was some verbal, emotional and/or physical abuse between their parents, they might think this is a normal pattern of behavior between people who love each other. Slide53
…Is It Me?
Sometimes, the abuser may make the victim feel that they are the one caused the problems. If the abuser knows that the victim struggles with mental health issues, they will bring it up frequently and try to blame problems in the relationship on it. They are not supportive of their partner getting mental health help at all because they can always use it as a scapegoat. Slide54
Something to Think About…
The abuser knows the victim better than ANYBODY.Slide55
Dating Abuse and the
Effects on Victims:
Depression, suicidal thoughts
Eating disorders
Substance abuse
Medical problems
Emotional and psychological trauma
Inability to succeed
PTSD
Loss of close relationshipsSlide56
Effects Continued
Inability to develop a healthy romantic relationship in the future
Sexual promiscuity
Self-harm behaviors
Trust issues
Unresolved anger
Bullying
CAUTION: These effects can last long after the relationship is over….even for YEARS. Slide57
Effects on Abusers:
Alienating friends and family
Losing respect of others
Being alone
Expulsion
Job loss
Criminal record
Substance abuse
Unable to form healthy relationshipsSlide58
Getting Help: For TeensSlide59
Breaking Up is Hard To Do….
But it HAS to be done in order for you to get your life back. Slide60
Abusers can take drastic actions when they find out they are losing the thing they thought they had the most power and control over: YOU. The break-up period is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.
Have a Safety Plan
Find a safe place to go
Consider a break-up via text or internet
Tell your parents and friends of your break-up to get support
Make it clear you are breaking up
Don’t give the option to be “friends”
Cut off all contact with your ex
Avoid places your ex hangs out and consider putting mutual friendships on hold
Make plans to spend time with friends and familySlide61
After The Break-Up…Slide62
Remember…
It is OK and NORMAL to feel sad and lost.
Breaking up was the best thing you could do for yourself.
Self-esteem building is essential.
Consider seeing a therapist.
DO NOT get involved in another relationship or have sex with someone else right away.
It is essential to learn how to love yourself again. Slide63
If the Abuser Doesn’t Go Away…
Call the police and report any threatening, harassing or stalking incidents.
Document any calls, text messages, emails, etc. that come from the abuser to help build your case.
Alert your guidance counselor, parents, friends, manager at work, etc. about what is going on. They have an obligation to protect you!
Look into obtaining a peace order.Slide64
Filing a Peace Order: In Maryland
According to a 2010 State Law Report Card, Maryland earned a…
When it comes to minors obtaining peace and protective orders.
https://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/pdf/Teen-Dating-Violence-State-Law-Report-Card-Maryland-2010.pdfSlide65
Why a C Grade?Unclear Information
Access to Protective Orders and Peace Orders
Information is difficult to find online. There are certain qualifications that determine whether one needs a peace or protective order; however it appears that juveniles are more eligible for a peace order.
Maryland does allows people in dating relationships to seek PCOs against their abusers.
Procedure
State law does not specify whether minors can petition for POs and PCOs on their own behalf. A family member, among others, may petition for a PO on the minor’s behalf. If a minor is able to file on their own behalf, Maryland law does not specify whether the parent or guardian of the minor will be notified about the PO or PCO.
https://www.breakthecycle.org/sites/default/files/pdf/Teen-Dating-Violence-State-Law-Report-Card-Maryland-2010.pdfSlide66
Filing a Peace Order
Definition of Abuse:
An act that caused serious bodily harm
An act that placed the petitioner in fear of imminent bodily harm
Assault in any degree
Rape or sexual offense attempted rape or sexual offense
False imprisonment
Criminal stalking
Criminal harassment
Criminal trespassing
Malicious destruction of property
Misuse of telephone facilities and equipment
Misuse of electronic communication or interactive computer service
Revenge porn
Visual surveillance
http://www.courts.state.md.us/courtforms/joint/ccdcdvpo001br.pdfSlide67
For More Information in Maryland…
Contact the Maryland Department of Juvenile Services
Contact your local police department
Contact the Maryland court system
Contact a lawyer
Visit victim’s rights pages; they may be able to offer help or resources
https://www.mdcrimevictims.org
CONTACT ANYONE AND EVERYONE UNTIL YOU GET ANSWERS!!!Slide68
New Concern: What If The Abuser Uses The “Revenge Porn” Tactic?
What is Revenge Porn?
Revenge porn is the intentional distributing, selling and/or exploiting of nude or pornographic images of someone without their consent. The intent is to ruin the victim’s life.Slide69
WARNING:
Do everything you can to prevent yourself from getting into this situation in the first place. NEVER, EVER, under ANY circumstances…DO NOT take or send nude or partially nude photographs or videos to ANYONE. No matter how much they beg and plead or say that the photos or videos will be private, always assume that they will NOT be. Think about it:
If you don’t want your parents, relatives, priest, friends, teachers, employers, strangers, friends of parents, friends of relatives, your friend’s parents, old people, young people, child molesters, pimps, human traffickers, THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD to see you in embarrassing pictures…DON’T TAKE THEM.Slide70
You’ve Been Warned, But It Happened Anyway. There are some things you can do…
Tell your parents what is going on immediately.
Recognize that revenge porn may be illegal.
Contact local law enforcement.
Tell a guidance counselor; your ex could get in trouble at school.
Contact websites that contain your photos and ask that they be removed. Slide71
When Your Ex Threatens Suicide
“I’ll kill myself if you leave me.”
Note: If your ex truly wishes to die, has a plan and intention to follow through, get immediate help. Tell a parent, guidance counselor, teacher, or other trusted adult. If there is immediate danger, call the police.
If your ex regularly threatens suicide, especially when you aren’t doing what they want, know that this is a form of emotional abuse. Your ex is trying to manipulate you by playing on your feelings of love and fear. It makes you feel trapped and anxious about what could be an impending tragedy.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/when-your-partner-threatens-suicideSlide72
Suicide Threat: What to Do
Tell your ex you care about them, but stick to your boundaries.
Put the choice to live or die where it belongs- on your ex.
Remember: No matter what your ex says, you don’t have to prove anything.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/when-your-partner-threatens-suicideSlide73
How Professionals Can HelpSlide74
Increase physical activity“Sometimes you have to make your body strong to make your mind strong.”
Encourage creative outlets
Reassure them about feelings
Re-build self-esteem
Teach boundaries and assertiveness skills
Music therapy
Provide a safety outlet
Do not judge or criticizeSlide75
Help them recognize their own unhealthy behaviors and attitudesEncourage involvement in extracurricular activities at school or in another town
Teach them about healthy relationships
Avoid becoming angry, frustrated or upset if the victim stays with the abuser or repeatedly goes back to them
Ask questions like, “Do you feel this person respects you?” “Are you getting what you want out of this?”Slide76
How Parents Can Help
My Mom Saved My Life!Slide77
Avoid judging your teen and their relationshipKeep an open mind
Set Limits
Get help
Encourage extracurricular activities
Encourage friendships
Be mindful of words and actionsSlide78
Give some space for emotionsOffer unconditional support
Talk to their partner’s parents
Help your teen keep record of any threatening or stalking messages or incidents from the abuser
Invade their privacy
Contact your teen’s school
Report anything you think is illegal to the policeSlide79
Mom Says…
“There were times that my daughter didn’t want to live anymore. I kept telling her that one day things would be better and she just had to take it one day at a time. I had to keep going for her and never give up. I was scared and would sleep on her floor to keep her from running away or hurting herself. She was angry with me, but I was ok with that because it meant she was safe. I would break down, but only in private. I wouldn’t let her see that I was hurting, too.”Slide80
A Teen You Know Has A Friend Who Needs Help. Teens can help their friends, too.Slide81
If you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship, you can…
Go with the victim to the hospital or therapy
Offer unconditional friendship and support
Be clear that you are there to listen, not judge
Encourage your friend to seek help
Spend time with your friendSlide82
DO NOT:
Spread gossip
Directly confront the abuser
Blame your friend for the abuse or staying
Rush or make them do something immediately unless there is an immediate threat or danger
Criticize your friend or their partnerSlide83
If you think a friend might be an abuser in a relationship, you can…
Talk to the abuser about his or her behavior
Recognize and praise good behaviors
Encourage honesty
Help them clarify feelings
Suggest breaking off the relationship
Offer to be a helplineSlide84
DO NOT:
Condone the abuse
Get stuck in the middle
Reject your friend, just the behavior
Encourage abuse
Fight with your friendSlide85
Helping an Abuser: Anyone Can Help
Reminder: Violence is always a choice
Focus on how abuse affects and hurts others
Accept the consequences of their actions
Encourage them to turn to others
Encourage therapy or anger management
Ask them to respect partner’s right to be safe and healthy as they work toward change
There may be times when they may justify their actions or feel like giving up. Remind them of the original commitment to change
http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/can-i-stop-being-abusiveSlide86
A Few Risks To Note…
Getting involved puts pressure on you
Your friend may get upset
You might not see immediate results
You might become too emotionally invested
You could put yourself in dangerSlide87
PreventionSlide88
For Professionals
Educate young people about dating abuse
Intervene into situations you witness
Build relationships
Spread the word by using posters, handouts, bookmarks, etc. to leave around your institution. Find them FREE here:
http://www.loveisrespect.org/download-materials
Speak to individuals whom you feel may be at risk
Push for staff and teen education by asking to order lesson plans. Find some here:
https://www.breakthecycle.org/dating-violence-curriculumSlide89
For Parents
Talk with your teen about healthy relationships
Avoid abuse in your own relationships
Emphasize that disrespect and controlling behaviors are NOT ok
Always ask questions
Teach and model kindness and respect
Be involved in your teen’s life
Remind and encourage them to always stand up for themselvesSlide90
For Teens and Young Adults
Avoid people who put you and others down
Avoid partners who abuse substances
Avoid someone who doesn't ask for your opinion or doesn't respect you or your decisions
Set sexual limits
Stay sober
Tell your partner what you wantSlide91
Remain in control on a date. Have an alternate transportation plan. Tell someone you are going out and who you are withListen to and trust your feelings and instincts
As soon as you feel threatened, forget about being nice
Learn self-defense techniques
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/teen-dating-violence-warning-signs/story?id=7783273Slide92
Additional
Resources
:
One Love Foundation: In Honor of Yeardley Love
Features: One Love
Myplan
App; danger assessment app, etc.
http://www.joinonelove.org/
Love is Respect
Features: Relationship quizzes, live chats, helplines, blogs, etc.
http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Break the Cycle: Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence
Features: Tools for action, warning signs, state law report cards, teacher resources, etc.
http://www.breakthecycle.org/
Unmasking Sexual Con Games: Helping Teens Avoid Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence. By Kathleen M. McGee and Laura J. Buddenburg
. (2003).Features: Grooming techniques, boundary lessons, teacher resources, etc.Slide93
Contact Information:
Angela M. Yocum, BS
Public Speaker on Teen and Young Adult Relationship Violence
angyocum84@gmail.com
(443) 625-9421
* Don’t forget to grab a business card! *Slide94
Questions??