Trying - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Trying To SurviveSlide2

IntroductionWith the shift in traditional marriages, a significant number do not have the role models or patterns that were so apparent in previous generations.Slide3

IntroductionCurrently – 9 definitions of “family”Disruptions in home life due to:

Separation

Divorce

Live-ins

Single Parent Families

Blended Families

Foster/Adoptive Homes

Addictions

Mental

Health

Issues

Incarceration

Prolonged Illnesses

Parents Trying To Be TeensSlide4

IntroductionThe result: Many enter marriage

without

a clear model or practical

experience.

Older

family members are not present or available to guide and

direct.

Thus

, some couples just “make it up” on their own and hope for the

best.

Without

a plan or vision, the people perish.

Survival

can result in the development of unhealthy role

development. Slide5

IntroductionOhio couple (“just like daddy did” “momma did”).How does one learn how to be a husband, wife, mate, and parent?

Socialization

process – humans are “the great

imitators.” Slide6

IntroductionPink Elephants:Skirting AngerAddiction

Resentment

Regret

Frustration

Controlling Mate

FrigiditySlide7

IntroductionThis lesson concerns itself with taking charge of areas that must be navigated so a home can function in a healthy way.Slide8

The Big 12 Areas Of ConflictFinancesKidsSex

Schedules

Chores

Friends

Habits

Family

Expectations

Personality Conflicts

Family Communication

Past ConflictSlide9

The Big 12 Areas Of ConflictEach of these is a potential area of ongoing conflict AND a potential area of opportunity for learning, growth, harmony or chaos, stress and misery.

The choice is yours. Slide10

The Big 12 Areas Of ConflictEach of these is a potential area of ongoing conflict AND a potential area of opportunity for learning, growth, harmony or chaos, stress and misery.

Assume

you may be able to

let go

of an opinion, judgment, expectation or belief

(

non-biblical) that could create harmony in any of these areas

.Slide11

The Big 12 Areas Of ConflictThere is no growth without change!Slide12

Possible SolutionsFinances:Sit down and work out a budget.Agree to take a look at expenses every month.

Pre-arrange a meeting and come to the table with 100% transparency with a goal of being practical, not emotional.Slide13

Possible SolutionsFinances:What does a Christian family’s budget look like? (God first – Mt. 6:33; Family care- 1 Tim. 5:8; Charity – Eph. 4:28ff; Enjoyment – Eccl. 3:13)

Involves stewardship Slide14

Possible SolutionsKids:Turn conflict into communication .

“I need your help figuring how to deal with this…”

Sex :

Schedule

time for romance and “togetherness

”.

Start before either becomes

exhausted

(1 Cor. 7).Slide15

Possible SolutionsSchedules :No TV or phone during meals.

Dedicate 30 minutes each evening to

“

conversation with coffee”. “My priorities”, “His/her priorities”, “our

priorities.”Slide16

Possible SolutionsChores :Agree on what is required and needed. Assign by chore or by area (for example: yard, car, outside are his – laundry, clean house are hers – cooking and paying bills are both).Slide17

Possible SolutionsFriends :Why

is this an issue?

Gossip/tale

bearing?

Dominates

time?

Bad

habits?

Note

:

Those

who have an affair tend to have one with spouses’ best friend. Be careful

!Slide18

Possible SolutionsHabits :Are the habits sinful? Or, just aggravating/annoying. Positive/negative reinforcements.

Family :

Marriage involves “leaving father and mother and cleaving…”

Slide19

Possible SolutionsExpectations:“Behold, I thought”. Are expectations openly discussed and agreed upon? Slide20

Possible SolutionsPersonality Conflicts :

Deep seated personality styles take time to change.

Discuss

and come

to

agreement on changes. Reward small changes. Slide21

Possible SolutionsPersonality Conflicts :

Be supportive – at least 2 people need to change when addressing these.

One changes the habit – the other becomes more tolerant.Slide22

Possible SolutionsFamily Communication:Family

dinner table exercise.

Problem

focused vs solution focused

.

Strength

based solutions. Slide23

Possible Solutions Past Conflict :Make a rule “never argue historically”. Do not use the past as a weapon.

“You are not the same person any more – and neither is your spouse.”Slide24

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage1. Sincerely commit your lives to Jesus Christ as Lord.

2. Consider the marriage a life-long commitment, just as Christ is eternally committed to His bride, the Church.Slide25

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage3. Agree to always listen to each other’s feelings, even if you disagree with the appropriateness of them.

4. Commit yourselves to both honesty and acceptance.Slide26

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage5. Determine to love each other unconditionally, with each partner assuming 100% of the responsibility for resolving major conflicts (50/50 seldom works).

6. Consider all the factors in a conflict before bringing it up with your mate.Slide27

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage7. Confess any personal sin in the conflict to Christ and to each other as part of confronting the issue (James 5:16; 1 John 1:9).

8. Limit the conflict to the here and now – never bring up past failures which should have been forgiven already.Slide28

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage9. Eliminate the follow phrases from your vocabulary: “You never”, “You always”, “I can’t”, “I’ll try” in place of “I will”, “You should” or “You shouldn’t” (these are parent-to-child statements).

10. Limit the discussion to the one issue that is the center of the conflict.Slide29

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage11. Focus on that issue rather than attacking each other.

12. Ask your mate if he/she would like some time to think about the conflict before discussing (Eph. 4:26).Slide30

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage13. Each mate should use “I feel” messages

(Ex. “I feel angry toward you for coming home late for supper without calling me first”).

14. Never say anything derogatory about your mate’s personality (Prov. 11:12 “he who belittles lacks sense”).Slide31

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage15. Even when your mate is not correct, consider your mate an instrument of God, working in your life (Prov. 12:1 – “He who hates reproof is stupid”).

16. Never counterattack, even if your mate does not follow these guidelines.Slide32

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage17. Stick to how you feel about what the issue is.

18. You are not a mind reader. Ask for clarification on what is being said. Try summarizing/paraphrasing as a form of feedback.Slide33

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage19. Commit yourselves to dealing with anger biblically (Eph. 4:26).

20. Be honest about your true emotions, but keep them under control (Prov. 29:11 – “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back”; Prov. 15:18 “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger pacifies contention”).Slide34

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage21. Remember that resolution of the conflict is the goal, not who wins or loses. If conflict is resolved, both win. You are on the same team, not opposing, competing teams. This goes back to Mission Statements.Slide35

Ground Rules For Resolving Conflicts In Marriage22. Agree with each other on what topics are “out of bounds” because they are too hurtful or have already been discussed (ex. In-laws, continued obesity, etc.).

23. Pray about each conflict before discussing it with your mate.Slide36

Conclusion It is unnatural for unity to happen (Eph. 4:1-3; 4:31-33).When two lives blend there are multiple priorities that each must juggle. Consideration, love and respect is mutually required.Slide37

ConclusionHusband is to “dwell with his wife according to knowledge” “giving honor” (1 Peter 3:7).

The

low road leads to deviant behavior.

Take the high road. Slide38