SCORED the Questionnaire Please do so now Thanks If you dont have one please let me know Not your Grandmothers Conflict resolution PACADA Fall retreat September 22 2015 ID: 815626
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Slide1
Good Afternoon
If
you have not
SCORED
the Questionnaire.
Please
do so
now.
Thanks.
If you don’t have one, please let me know.
Slide2Not your Grandmother’s Conflict resolution
PACADA Fall retreat - September 22,
2015
Alvin Lee – Human Resources494-7418aleejr@purdue.edu
Slide3objectives
Provide a framework to separate the conflict conversation – from problem solving.
Discuss issues – conversations that may be uncomfortable and challenging.
Review researched guidelines and reminders to help Staff have productive conversations.Discuss some conversations that may require/need other Purdue help – Human Resources – Office of Institutional Equity – Purdue Hotline.
Slide4Audience – Who is Here?
How long at Purdue? Less than 5 years?
More than 10+? 20+?
Slide5Guidelines for the afternoon
Safe zone to ask questions – here to help your success.
Please share details as appropriate – respect confidentiality.
Not here to embarrass anyone.
Serious learning and sharing – can be fun!
Slide6Not your Grandmother’s conflict
“A disagreement through which the parties involved
perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns”
Slide7Communication Barrier
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_
ZpDnXYIFjo
Slide8Guiding Principles – Conflict
In General:
Expect some conflict as a part of your every day work life.
Address negative conflicts early – Co/Workers, Supervisor.Listening is KEY to understanding.Know the behavior – values of your department culture.Learn to move on – “stuff happens”.
Slide9ANSWER SHEET: Record your responses
Across
the page and ADD EACH
COLUMN!
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Turtle
Withdrawing
You bend, I bend
Avoidance
Shark
Aggressive
I win, you lose
Competition
Teddy Bear
Accommodating
I lose, you win
Smoothing
Fox
Compromising
You bend, I bend
Deal maker
Owl
Collaborating
I win, you win
Problem solving
Slide10Opening the Conversation
"I’d like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I’d like to get your point of view.“
"I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
"I have something I’d like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively."I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)?" If they say, "Sure, let me get back to you," follow up with them.
"I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I’d like to hear your feelings or thoughts on this.”
"I’d like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas on how to _____________________.”
"I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your thoughts or feelings about this and share my perspective as well."
Slide11Difficult Conversations - Supervisor
How does an employee have a conversation with his/her supervisor when he/she feels unfairly treated by that supervisor?
Does
the employee provide the agenda and guide the conversation
?
Does
the employee ask for a third-party
moderator?
Does
the employee document the conversation for future
reference?
Slide12Difficult Conversations - Coworkers
A few of my coworkers make things in our office tense and sometimes not enjoyable. They seem unhappy with everyone and everything. They have taken their issues out on unnecessary people and seem to enjoy conflict. How do I deal with this? I am cordial and businesslike to these coworkers but don’t tell them about my personal life due to their drama.
Slide13Faculty - Students
How
to deal with issues with faculty members in general. When supporting them, they don’t always have a realistic set of expectations of how the University works and why
advising policies
may be in place. It would be nice to not always have to pull a supervisor into the loop to deal with issues.
Most of my students are great. But I have a few who tend to be somewhat harsh in their interactions with me. The always miss deadlines or are late for
appoeitnments
with me. What advice do you have?
Slide14Objective – subjective language
Subjective: You are irritating to other employees and difficult to work with when others want to get their work
done.
Objective
:
Are you aware you interrupt
people by dropping by their work space to chat or voice an
opinion unannounced.
Subjective: You’re really annoying at our team meetings
.
Objective
:
You
have some good ideas at our meetings; my wish is
for you to let
others share their ideas as well.
Subjective: You don’t respect other
people.
Objective
:
You
may not realize you sometimes or routinely call other people by derogatory
names.
Slide15Slide16Not your grandmother’s communication barriers
Language
Misread body language
Culture
Power struggles
Assumptions
EMAIL/Facebook
Slide17RESOLUTION –
Robert Valett
R
espect the right to disagree.
E
xpress your real concerns.
S
hare common goals and interests.
O
pen yourself to different points of view.
L
isten carefully to all proposals.
U
nderstand the major issues.
T
hink about probable consequences.
I
magine several possible alternative solutions.
O
ffer some reasonable alternatives.
N
egotiate mutually fair and collaborative agreements.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S RESOLUTION
Robert
Valett
Slide18Last thoughts - Suggestions
A successful outcome depends on how we communicate.
Envision the outcome you are planning for.
Acknowledge your emotions.
Stay focused - return to your purpose at difficult moments.
Don’t take comments/emotions personally.
Don’t assume they see/agree with your point of view.
Keep your sense of humor.
Slide19Human Resources is a Resource for You
Employee Relations 494-1679
Center for Healthy Living 494-0111
Academic Units and Communication 494-1185
Physical Facilities / Housing & Food Services HR 494-9418
OVPIT / Development 494-4380
Athletics HR 494-5223
Vice President for Ethics and Compliance 494-5830
Purdue Hotline 866-818-2620
Slide20Questions – Resources
Perfect Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People
, Susan F. Benjamin
Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny
How Conversations Go Wrong and What You Can Do to Right Them
, Holly Weeks
How Impact Leaders Communicate, Powerful Conversations
, Phil Harkins
Getting to Yes
, Harvard Negation Project, William Ury, Roger Fisher
http
://
www.purdue.edu/hr/Employee_Relations/employrelations_team.html
http://www.hodu.com/checklist.shtml
http://www.amazon.com/Difficult-Conversations-Discuss-What-Matters/dp/014028852X
http://www.google.com/url?q=http://vineyardusa.org/site/files/cutting-edge/09-Winter-Difficult-Conversations.pdf&sa=U&ei=HgWXToyzNK3H0AGX9pS6BA&ved=0CCAQFjAG&sig2=2kEF4Mq-NRF19CSpD8tc8w&usg=AFQjCNH0UbI_shJMubev9FovJR58yPIX1w
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201104/10-ways-make-difficult-conversations-easier
Slide21Alvin Lee, Human Resources