One Pager Recommendations - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

One Pager RecommendationsSlide2

One Pagers

Mrs. Lund’s proofreading

marks

One Pager: Take 5 minutes to reread your essay along with the comments, both on the essay and on the rubric.

Read the descriptors on the rubric for the level you reached.Slide3

One Pager Feedback

Rubric Focus

was Criterion C:

Appreciation of the Author’s Choices.

Nearly all of you kept the author in mind. Good job!

How you can improve on Criterion C

Do more with your support. Go deep. I need to see probing analysis of your evidence exploring HOW the author is working. Without this you will not reach a 5 or 6 on this criterion.Slide4

Poet vs. Speaker

The

poet

is not the same as the

speaker

The

author

is not the same as the

narrator

You need to show that you are aware of and understand the difference between the two

NOTE: In the case of the Heaney poem, since, at the beginning he states the poem is a memorial to his mother, the poet IS the same as the speaker. But this is the exception, not the rule.Slide5

Thesis

A weak or unfocused thesis will produce a weak essay

Strong

:

In….,William Shakespeare presents the speaker’s mistress in a way that seems to disparage her, but actually compliments her, evoking the sentiment that true love is not captured by exaggerated comparison.

Not there yet

:

In…., Dove creates two distinct voices that work together to ultimately emphasize the need for girls to be careful of men.Slide6

Strong

:

In “Clearances” Seamus Heaney creates an unrhymed octave followed by a rhymed sestet in order to create a different sound, allowing the reader to differentiate between his memories and understand his feelings about his mother’s death.

Not there yet

:

Seamus Heaney uses rhyme to represent the relationship between mother and son, conveying the theme of valuing small moments.Slide7

Lead-ins

All quotations need lead-ins.

Quotations without lead-ins are not

integrated

(that’s a 1 on Criterion D) and are called

naked quotations

. You should not have these in your paper in 12

th

grade.

The job of lead-ins is to:

smoothly integrate quotations and

provide clear context for the quotationsSlide8

Weak Lead-in

Shakespeare writes, “Coral is far more red than her lips’ red” (2).

Avoid

X writes

as a lead-in. It shows no awareness of a speaker (or narrator) and gives us no context for the quotation.

CONTRAST THE ABOVE EXAMPLE WITH…..

When describing his mistress’s lips, the speaker compares them to coral, which is not very red, saying, “Coral is far more red than her lips’ red” (2).Slide9

Strong Lead-ins

The

speaker begins to border on obnoxiousness as he states, “And in some perfume is there more delight/Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks” (7-8).

Dove implies, with this command, that if the naïve audience does not follow instruction, “this is how one foot sinks into the ground,” and “he” (referring to any predator) will “claim his due” (13-14).Slide10

Support

USE your support. Don’t support

drop (put in support, then move on)

or simply paraphrase your

support instead of referring back to and analyzing it.

You’ve

chosen these quotations for a reason. Explore them/interpret them/analyze them fully

.

In your analysis, quote the text rather than paraphrasing it. Refer back to the text.

Don’t use more of the quotation than you need.

Using long sections of text is rarely necessary. However, the meaning of what you quote must be clear. Often you can integrate part of a quotation into a sentence

.Slide11

Analysis

Avoid drive-by analysis.

Elaborate, dig deeper, in your analysis.

Again…USE your support by fully analyzing/interpreting it to prove your pointSlide12

Conciseness

This was our

language & style focus

. Most of you worked hard to be concise. How to do better:

Avoid passive

voice

Read aloud. Listen to your essay. If it sounds awkward or wordy, revise until it sounds right

.

Use Word’s

Grammar & Style

function to identify wordiness, passive voice, etc. in your writing and reviseSlide13

If you have trouble identifying

passive voice

,

wordiness

, or other style issues in your writing…

Use Word’s

Grammar and Style

function

Word 2013:

Review:

New Word

:

File: Options: Proofing: Writing Style: Grammar and Style: Options

Older Word

: Grammar and Style: Options

In both cases, check boxes for problems you are having (passive voice, wordiness, etc.)Slide14

Moving Forward

Criterion C

: You are not just demonstrating that you can identify the author’s choices, but showing

appreciation

of the author’s choices…fully analyzing them and their effectsSlide15

Language & Style Focuses

Continue to work on conciseness

Identify and remove most passive voice

Use the wordiness checklist

When working within a word limit verboseness takes away from words you could be using for probing analysisSlide16

Resources

Purdue OWLSlide17

Reflection and Goal Setting

What’s one thing I did well in this essay?

What was one weakness in this essay?

Look back at your initial writing goals for the year (Sept.

9

).

How are you progressing towards them?

Using feedback and the rubric, set

two specific, attainable goals

you’d like to work towards in your next piece of writing. These may be the same goals or new goals.

For example

:

1. I want to go deeper in my analysis of my evidence.

2. I want to remove passive voice from my writing and remember to write in active voice.