Five Brush Strokes - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Five Brush StrokesSlide2

To Write Well, We Need to Learn to See Well

Nurturing the visual eye in your writing brings heart, soul, and LIFE to your writing.Slide3

Compare

It was winter. Everything was frozen and white with snow. Snow had fallen from the sky for days. The weather was horrible.

Mossflower

lay deep in the grip of midwinter beneath a sky of leaden gray that showed tinges of scarlet and orange on the horizon. A cold mantle of snow draped the landscape, covering the flatlands to the west. Snow was everywhere, filling the ditches, drifting high against the hedgerows, making paths invisible, smoothing the contours of earth in its white embrace. –Brian Jacques (1988)Slide4

It’s important to Paint

With Words

Writer’s images– details, colors, shapes, movement--arise out of what the eye sees.

Powerful writers visualize specific details that create a virtual reality. Slide5

Compare: Which one creates the mental equivalent

of a film?

Amateur writer

:

Mary was tired.

Pro:

Mary shuffled into the kitchen,

yawning and blinking. Collapsing into the chair,

she closed her eyes, crossed her arms for a pillow, and slowly tucked her head onto the fold.Slide6

Your Job: Lead Readers Through a Visual Journey

Use images abundantly

Use close-ups

Use action scenes

Use angle shots.

Select words like colors on a palette.

Apply sentence structures like brush strokes to a verbal canvassSlide7

Five Basic Brush Strokes

The writer’s basic repertoire of grammatical sentence structures:

The participle

The absolute

The appositive

Adjectives shifted out of order

Action verbsSlide8

Brush Stroke #1:

Painting with Participles

Simply put: a participle is an

ing

verb place at the beginning or end of a sentence.

For example:

Change “The diamond back water snake attacked its prey”

To:

“

Hissing, slithering, and coiling

, the diamond back snake attacked its prey.”Slide9

Improvise Through Using Phrases

For example, ad participial phrases and modifiers that complete the image:

“Hissing its forked red tongue

and

coiling its cold body

, the diamond-back snake attacked its prey.”

Using single participles creates rapid movement.

Expanded phrases add details at a slower but equally intense pace.Slide10

EXAMPLES FROM PROFESSIONALS:

Shifting the weight

of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling carefully, he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there, submerged, for more than a minute,

watching the blood trail awa

y and the steady movement of the water against his hand as the boat moved.

(Ernest Hemingway,

The Old Man

and the Sea. 1952, 56-57)

The man got out of the chair with difficulty, pushing himself up with his arms, holding his breath as he rose.

(Robert Ludlum,

Bourne Identity, 1975, 23)Slide11

Student Examples:

Flying through the air on the wings of a dream

, the Olympic long jumper thrust the weight of his whole body forward. (Cathleen Conroy)

Melody froze,

dripping with sweat hoping with all her might that they wouldn’t hear the noise

. A beam of light swung out into the darkness, searching. (Becky Swab)Slide12

Lesson 2:

Painting with Absolutes

Definition: an absolute is a two-word combination, a noun and an

ing

or

ed

verb added to a sentence.

Example:

Instead of saying “The cat climbed the tree,”

Add two absolutes to give it detail:

“

Claws digging, feet kicking

, the cat clim

bed

the tree.”Slide13

Try this visualization to help you understand:

Close your eyes.

Picture a mountain climber moving along a steep cliff.

Pause. Visualize this one-sentence description. “The mountain climber edg

ed

along the cliff.”

Now I will add a brush stroke: a noun with an

ing

participle.

Eyes still closed, watch what happens to you as I add two absolutes:

“The mountain climber edged along the cliff,

hands shaking, feet trembling

.” OR

“

Hands shaking, feed trembling

, the mountain climber edg

ed

along the cliff.Slide14

Rule of Thumb

Three absolutes overloads and diminishes the effect.

One or two creates a more dynamic image than the original.

Absolute phrases are effective (similarly to participles.)

For example, you might have used a an absolute phrase such as: “

Feet trembling on the snow covered rocks

, the mountain climber edg

ed

along the cliff.”Slide15

Use the Comma like a Zoom L

ens.

The writer can zoom in on any part that is already framed by the original sentence.

You can use a

coma zoom

at either the beginning or the end of a sentence.

Example:

The mummy was moving. The mummy’s right arm was outstretch

ed

, the torn wrappings hang

ing

from it, as the being stepped out of its gilded box. The scream froze in her throat. The thing was com

ing

towards her—towards Henry who stood with his back to it—moving with a weak, shuffling gait, that arm outstretched before it, the dust rising from the rotting linen that covered it, a great smell of dust and decay filling the room.

(The Mummy

, Anne Rice 1989, p. 72.)Slide16

Student Examples:

Mind racing, anxiety overtaking

, the diver peer

ed

once more at the specimen. (Erin

Stralka

)

I glanc

ed

at my clock,

digits glowing

fluorescent blue in the inky darkness of my room.” (

Jenn

Coppolo

)

One of the most common brush strokes in the action sequences of fiction, the absolute infuses action into word painting.Slide17

Absolutes Infuse A

ction

I

nto a Word PaintingSlide18

Brush Stroke #3:

Painting with Appositives

An appositive

is a noun that adds a second image to the preceding noun in the sentence

.

The appositive amplifies still images.

Example:

The raccoon enjoys eating turtle eggs.

Becomes:

“The raccoon, a scavenger, enjoys eating turtle eggs.”

Set off the additional image/information with commas.Slide19

Expand the appositive

to a phrase

Example:

“The raccoon

, a midnight scavenger who roams lake shorelines in search of food,

enjoys eating turtle eggs.”Slide20

Example from the Pros:

An example from writer Cornelius Ryan in

The Longest Day: June 6, 1944. He could have written: “A phalanx of ships and planes bore down on Hitler’s Europe.”

Instead he wrote:

Plowing through the choppy gray waters, a phalanx of ships bore down on Hitler’s Europe: Fast new attack transports, slow rust-scarred freighters, small ocean liners, channel steamers, hospital ships, weather-beaten tanks, and swarms of fussing tugs. Barrage balloon flew above the ships. Squadrons of fighter planes weaved below the clouds. And surround this cavalcade of ships packed with men, guns, tanks and motor vehicles and supplies came a formidable array of 702 warships. (1959, 243)Slide21

Student Examples:

A

ppositives and Appositive Phrases

The volcano,

a ravenous God of fire

, spewed forth lava and ash across the mountain. (Ben

Quagliata

)

The waterfall, a

tilted-pitcher

, poured the fresh, pure spray into the creek. The essence of natural beauty, tranquil and majestic, it seemed to enchant the forest with a mystical rush that echoed throughout the untouched virgin paradise. (Allie Archer)

The fish

, a slimy mass of flesh

, felt the alligator’s faint teeth sink into his scales as he struggled to get away. (

L

indsey

Kanhen

)Slide22

Appositive Images Are Often U

sed to Add

C

larity

All brush strokes work equally well for fiction or non-fiction, or poetry, but each genre creates a different emphasis.

300 × Slide23

Brush Stroke #4

Painting with Adjectives Shifted Out of Order

Adjectives out of order, used more often by fiction authors, amplify the details of an image

.

Beginning writers sometimes use too many adjectives in their sentences. This dilutes the sentence’s power.

Advanced writers avoid three-in-a-row string by using adjectives out of order. Slide24

Here’s How

…

Leave one adjective in its original place.

Shift the others after the noun.

Example: ”The

large

bull moose,

red-eyed and angry

, charged the intruder.”

The effect creates a spotlight and intensifies the image, in addition to creating a dynamic rhythm as opposed to a simple cadence when all the adjectives are in a row.Slide25

Examples from Pros

“And then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came a sound to my ears, clear, resonant, and

u

nmistakable” (

The Hound of the Baskervilles

, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1968, 72).

Listen to the loss of the sentences power when the adjectives are given in a row: “And

then, suddenly, in the very dead of the night, there came

a

clear, resonant,

unmistakable

sound to my

ears.”Slide26

Further Examples

“The Pavilion was a simple city,

long and rectangular

” (

The Alienist,

Caleb Carr, 1994, 27).

Notice the focus created.

“I could smell Mama,

crisp and starched

, plumping my pillow, and the cool muslin pillowcase touched both my ears as the back of my head sank into all those feathers.” (

A Day No Pigs Would Die

, Robert Newton Peck, 1984, 12)Slide27

Student Examples:

The woman, old and wrinkled, smiled upon her newborn great-grandson with pride.

(Stephanie

Schwallie

)

The boxer, twisted and tormented, felt no compassion for his contender. (

Chirs

Hloros

)Slide28

Other ideas

Adjectives can also be shifted out of order to introduce a sentence, but this isn’t common and sometimes weakens the verb.

The image might be more effective if you find a way to

reduce the adjectives and include a verb instead

.Slide29

Brushstroke #5:

Painting with Action Verbs

By eliminating passive voice and reducing being verbs, writers can energize action images.

Passive voice verbs communicate no action

. The

image is like a still photo

with the action frozen with prepositions: by or with.

Typically, passive voice verbs require the help of a being verb.

Example

:

The runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered rancher.

The grocery store was robbed by two armed men.Slide30

Passive Voice vs.

Active

V

oice

Passive voice sentences:

The

runaway horse was ridden into town by an old, white-whiskered rancher.

The grocery store was robbed by two armed men.

Revised sentences

getting rid of the passive voice:

The

old, white-whiskered

rancher rode the

runaway horse

into town.

Two

armed

men robbed the

grocery

store.Slide31

Being Verbs S

low

A

ction

Being verbs

usually cause the writer to

tell about action

rather than show it.

Replace being verbs with active verb

s to improve your sentences’ power.

For example: The

Nerk

Knocker is a strange mechanical contraption. It brews coffee while beating a drum solo.

Combine sentences for more power: “The

Nerk

Knocker, a strange mechanical contraption, brews coffee while beating a drum solo.”Slide32

Action Verbs transform still photos into motion pictures

Try this. Close your eyes and listen to this sentence while you visualize the scene:

“The gravel road was on the left side of the barn.

“The gravel road

curled

around the left side of the barn.”

Curls creates motion. The being verb

was

creates a still image—not nearly as dynamic. Slide33

Compare the drafts

Draft 1: uses the being verb

Rockwell was a beautiful lake. Canada geese could be heard across the water bugling like tuneless trumpets. Near the shore, two children were hidden behind a massive maple tree. Watching quietly, they hope to see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement.

Draft 2: uses active verbs

Rockwell lake echoed with the sounds of

Canada geese

Their honking bugled across the water

like tuneless trumpets.

The two

children

hid behind

a massive maple tree.

They silently watched, hoping to

see the first gosling begin to hatch. Tiny giggles escaped their whispers of excitement

(

Jiveden

and

Jiveden

1997, 1)Slide34

Blend strokes together

As you gain control of the previous five brush strokes, you can blend them into paragraphs, stories and poems.