Dale Carnigie’s How to Win Friends & - PowerPoint Presentation

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Dale Carnigie’sHow to Win Friends &Influence People

Meeting eachFirst and Third Monday of every month7:00 PM until completedPresenter:Larry Epstein LMHC CASACSlide2

This book is complex, detailed, and full of many different ways in which one can not only behave in an effort to get people to like you, but many anecdotal historical examples of these principles in action. There is no order to these techniques, but like so many other self-help books, the over all theme here is “it’s not about you.”

This book very clearly emphasizes, it’s not about schmoozing, flattery, deception, or ingenuine behavior. The book emphasizes that in order increase the chances one will like you, you have to show a genuine interest in them. This isn’t about charisma, false-persona, or just telling people what they want to hear. It’s about caring about others, elevating their needs, and showing interest in them. Do that, and the premises in this book will come naturally.Slide3

How I will present this material

To make the presentation simple, I’ll present the premise, the Wikipedia description of the topic (on left), and then my critique on how that theme fits into the larger context of positive psychology as I understand it (on right). The whole book fits into the realm of positive psychology as people with larger social networks tend to be much happier and they are at a larger social advantage. Enjoy! Slide4

3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling PeopleSlide5

Fundamental Technique 1:Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

Human nature does not like to admit fault. When people are criticized or humiliated, they rarely respond well and will often become defensive and resent their critic. To handle people well, we must never criticize, condemn or complain because it will never result in the behavior we desire.

Think about it, do you like it when people criticize, condemn, or complain? Neither of these traits are productive and have a far more destructive result on a relationship than productive. Whether in professional, personal, intimate, or familial relationships, these three traits decrease intimacy and increase the thought “if you talk to me like this, do you talk about me like this?”Slide6

Fundamental Technique 2:Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Appreciation is one of the most powerful tools in the world. People will rarely work at their maximum potential under criticism, but honest appreciation brings out their best. Appreciation, though, is not simple flattery, it must be sincere, meaningful and with love.As I presented in “His Needs Her Needs” people (men usually, but almost all people apricate praise) like to be told they are admired and why.

Be sincere, be happy when other’s succeed, notice their effort and let them others know their work/ideas/input was appreciated. This is the basis of healthy self-esteem.Slide7

Fundamental Technique 3:Arouse in the other person an eager want.

To get what we want from another person, we must forget our own perspective and begin to see things from the point of view of others. When we can combine our desires with their wants, they become eager to work with us and we can mutually achieve our objectives.

Rather than debate or argue a point, try to access what they want, and see things from his or her perspective.

Instead of trying to get others to see things from your perspective, try to see theirs.

The adage here is “seek first to understand, then to be understood.”Slide8

6 Ways to Make People Like YouSlide9

Way to Make People Like You 1: Show Interest

Become genuinely interested in other people. "You can make more friends in two months by being interested in them, than in two years by making them interested in you." The only way to make quality, lasting friendships is to learn to be genuinely interested in them and their interests.The most important thing in the world to you is the same most important thing to me, to your friends, to a stranger…everyone.

The most important thing to me is myself. The most important thing to you is yourself. If you show me interest in me, I’ll like you. If I show you interest in you, you’ll like me in return. Slide10

Way to Make People Like You 2: Smile

Smile. Happiness does not depend on outside circumstances, but rather on inward attitudes. Smiles are free to give and have an amazing ability to make others feel wonderful. Smile in everything that you do.On top of that, neuroscience has show that we smile because we are happy…and vice Versa. If you feel down, sad, or unhappy, smile. It may feel unnatural, uncomfortable, and awkward; but pay attention to your feelings as you do it. You’ll feel better, and others will notice. Think puppies…we see them happy, smiling, wagging their tails, and we feel better. Smiling has the same impact on others. Slide11

Way to Make People Like You 3: Names

Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. "The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together.“ People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves. We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their name.

Think how you feel when you bump into someone you’ve not seen in a long time. You recall their name but they forget yours. How does that feel? Do you think something like “why weren’t I important enough to them to remember my name? I remembered theirs!”

Making a concerted effort to remember other’s names tells them how important you are to them and even if they don’t recall your name, your recollection of theirs will leave a positive lasting impression. Slide12

Way to Make People Like You 4: Listen

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. The easiest way to become a good conversationalist is to become a good listener. To be a good listener, we must actually care about what people have to say. Many times people don't want an entertaining conversation partner; they just want someone who will listen to them.If being a mental health counselor has taught me anything, people just want to be heard. Free of commentary, judgement, or advice. Many people want to tell their side of the story and have someone validate it.

Listening is not passive, it’s active. It is body language, facial expression, posture, and reflection.Slide13

Way to Make People Like You 5: Learn Interests

Talk in terms of the other person's interest. The royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most. If we talk to people about what they are interested in, they will feel valued and value us in return.Make an effort to learn a little bit about the interests of what another cares about, even if it doesn’t interest you. To spend your time learning about a subject that interests another shows your interest in them. I’m not saying you have to learn in detail or become interested in the subject, but learn at least a little about their subject(s) of choice and they will be highly appreciative.Slide14

Way to Make People Like You 6: Importance

Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. The golden rule is to treat other people how we would like to be treated. We love to feel important and so does everyone else. People will talk to us for hours if we allow them to talk about themselves. If we can make people feel important in a sincere and appreciative way, then we will win all the friends we could ever dream of.We all like to feel important; at work, at home, among friends, and in our intimate relationships. If I feel you think I’m important to you, for whatever reason, I’m far more likely to like you in return.

If you tell me how I’m valued, I’m far more likely to repeat my behaviors. This is the basis of positive reinforcement. Slide15

The remainder of the book is about ways to get others to your way of thinking

For the purpose of “improving relationships” something my meetups are about, this subject is more “off topic” and not really appropriate material. However, for those of you interested in this subject matter, I encourage you to either visit the “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Wikipedia page, or go to Youtube and put the title of this book into the search bar (it is about 4 hours long) or you can always read the book. However the next slide are the 12 techniques one can use to win people over to your way of thinking. I will not be detailing them here.Slide16

12 ways to win over to your way of thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Show respect for the other person's opinions. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Begin in a friendly way.

Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.

Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires

Appeal to the nobler motives

Dramatize your ideas

Throw Down a Challenge