Grief and Loss Spiritual Care Partners - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Grief and Loss

Spiritual Care Partners

“

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing...that is a friend who cares.”

- Henri

Nouwen

,

Out of Solitude

Definitions

Grief: The physical, cognitive, emotional, and spiritual reaction to the loss of someone or something in whom one has been deeply invested.Mourning: The outward expression of grief. Grief gone public.

Bereavemen

t:

The state of loss resulting from death.

Anticipatory Grief:

Grief that is experienced before a loss actually occurs, as in the case of terminal illness.

- Smith, 2015

Types of Loss

DeathMedically-related: for example, loss of a limbLoss of relationship

Loss of occupation/job

Loss of property/possessions

What else? Group Discussion

The Process of Grief

Grief will often resurface or intensify on certain occasions. - Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.It is common to feel disoriented and off-kilter.

- Smith, 2015

Grief is a process, not an event.

Each person’s grief is unique.

There are no timetables, no predictable, orderly stages.

Grief lasts longer than most people think, and we are never “over it.”

A loss usually resurrects past losses, old issues, and unresolved conflicts.

Grief will be experienced physically, cognitively, emotionally, socially, spiritually.

“The

worst days now are holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, birthdays, weddings, January 31,---days meant as festivals of happiness and joy now are days of tears. The gap is too great between day and heart. Days of routine I can manage; no songs are expected. But how am I to sing in this desolate land, when there’s always one too few?” Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

Stages of Grief

The Upward TurnReconstruction and Working Through

Acceptance and Hope

- Drake, 2010

Shock/Denial/Disbelief

Pain and Guilt

Anger and Bargaining

Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

Responses to Grief

PhysicalMuscle pain, loss of appetite/digestive problems, nausea, low energy, irregular sleep, sensitivity to noise, etc.CognitiveShort-term memory and decision-making problems, disorientation/confusion, inability to concentrate, etc. EmotionalShock, numbness, denial/disbelief, searching/yearning, anxiety/panic/fear, explosive emotions: anger, hate, blame, resentment, rage, jealousy

Guilt, regret, sadness/despair, relief/release

- Smith, 2015

Responses to Grief

SocialMay need to be alone or fear being alone; loneliness, changes in friendship dynamics, awkwardness/unhelpful responses from others Disinterest in usual activitiesSpiritualBelief that having faith means that one doesn’t need to mournFaith being shattered or deepened/renewed

Anger towards/distance from God

Faith may or may not be source of strength

Questions: “Is there a God?” “How does a loving God allow bad things to happen?” “Why me?” “What is the meaning?” “Where is my loved one now?”

- Smith, 2015

Responses to Grief

DisorientationSudden changes in mood, feeling helpless/powerlessGrief attacks, crying/sobbing, time-distortionRe-thinking/re-telling storyDreams

- Smith, 2015

Six Needs of Mourning

1) Accept the reality of the death.2) Let oneself feel the pain of the loss.3) Remember the person who died.4) Develop a new self

identity.

5) Search

for

meaning.

6) Let

others help you—now and always

.

-Wolfelt, cited in Smith, 2015

Reconciliation/Healing

“Reconciliation and healing in grief occur when we open to the experience of all our feelings, and embrace and express the pain. As we do the very hard work of grief, hopefully surrounded by compassionate people and God’s loving presence, we are gradually able to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without our loved one.”

- Beth Smith, 2015

Spiritual Care

Avoid: Offering platitudes and clichés: “Just give it time,” “God never gives us more than we can handle,” etc.Saying “I understand”Offering advice

unless asked

for

it

Shifting focus of conversation

to your story

when there

are

commonalities between stories

Attempting

to bring patient’s grief to

resolution

Spiritual Care

Do:Use reflective listening skills.Focus on empathy: “Hold the pain” with patient for a little while.Accompany, walk alongside

H

onor silence:

Use words sparingly and only for purpose of helping patient tell his/her story

Spiritual Care

Do:Allow patient to feel how needs to feelPray only if right timing or requestedRefer to a chaplain if needed

“What I need to hear from you is that you recognize how painful it is. I need to hear from you that you are with me in my desperation. To comfort me, you have to come close. Come sit beside me on my mourning bench.”

- Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament For A Son

Sources

Smith, B. (2015). Understanding Grief: Essentials of Caring for the Bereaved [PowerPoint slides] *(A special thanks to Beth Smith, Bereavement Coordinator for Bon Secours Hospice, for allowing us to use her material for this didactic.)Drake, Allyson England. Richmond’s Bereavement Resource Manual (2018). Published by: Full Circle Grief Center, 2010, pp. 5-6.Original source of material in manual: www.recover-from-grief.com

Nouwen

, Henri J.M.

Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life

. Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave Maria Press, 1974.

Wolfelt, Alan.

Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your

Heart

.

Fort Collins,

CO:

Companion

Press, 2003.

Wolterstorff, Nicholas. Lament for a Son. Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co., 1987.