DOCUMENT RESUMEED 369 003CG 025 292AUTHORFirestone Robert WTITLEThe - PDF document

DOCUMENT RESUMEED 369 003CG 025 292AUTHORFirestone, Robert W.TITLEThe Universality of Emotional Child Abuse.INSTITUTIONGlendon Association, Los Angeles, CA.PUB DATE[93]NOTE19p.PUB TYPEReportsEvaluative/Feasibility (142)Viewpoints(Opinion/Position Papers, Essays, etc.) (120)EDRS PRICEMF01/PC01 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS*Child Abuse; Child Rearing; Children; *EmotionalAbuse; *Etiology; *Family Problems; Matal Health;Nuclear Family; *Parent Child Relationship; Parents;Personality Problems; *Sociocultural Patterns;Western CivilizationABSTRACTEmotional child abuse is virtually inevitable in thecontext of the traditional nuclear family and often has a moredetrimental effect on children than other, more widely publicizedforms of maltreatment. Clinical, statistical, and empirical evidenceshows that normative child-rearing practices in Western culture havepathogenic properties and effects. Parental abuse in the traditionalnuclear family often results in the personal suffering, limitation,and maladjustment of children. Manifestations of this abuse include:(1) behavior based on parental hostility such as verbal abuse,sadistic socialization, and lack of respect for a child's boundaries,spontaneity, and individuality;(2) destructive practices includingpermissiveness and inconsistency;(3) overly restrictive or harshmoral codes; and (4) defenses and addictive patterns which tend totransmit from parents to children. A number of factors are involvedin the psychodynamics of emotional maltreatment:(1) parents'ambivalent feelings toward themselves and their children;(2) theirprojection of their negative traits Onto their children;(3) aconfusion of emotional hunger with love;(4) the exclusivity oftraditional couplings; and (5) the utilization of the child as asymbol of immortality. The more parents were deprived or abusedduring their formative years, the greater the impairment of theirparental functions. The nuclear family is not inherently detrimentalto human mental health, but it has evolved into a destructiveinstitution. Only by dealing with the issues that make familiesdysfunctional can family life be made more supportive andconstructive for children. (Contains 118 references.) (CC)***********************************************************************Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made*from the original document.*********************************************************************** U.S. DEPARTarAT OF EDUCATIONOtl.ce of Educemnal Research and ImprovementEDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATIONCENTER (ERIC)C This document has been reproduced asreceived trom the person or organashononwnatmgC Mmor changes have been made to improvereproduction qualnyPoints of view or opinions stated in this docu-ment do not necessanty represent officialOERI position or pohcy"PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THISMATERIAL HAS BEEN GRANTEDBYg,TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCESINFORMATION CENTER (ERIC):THE UNIVERSALITY OF EMOTIONALCHILD ABUSEROBERT W. FIRESTONE, Ph.D.Los Angeles. CaliforniaEmotional child abuse is virtually inevitable in the context of the traditional nuclear familyandoften has a more detrimental effect on children than other. more widely publicized forms of maltreat-ment. This paper documents clinical, statistical. and empirical evidenceshowing that normativechild-rearing practices in our culture have pathogenic properties and effects. Manifestations of emo-tional child abuse include: (1) behaviors based on parental hostility such as verbal abuse. sadisticsocialization measures. lack of respect for the child's personal boundaries. threat of abandonment. andstifling a child's spontaneity: (2) destructive practices based on indifference and neglect, includingexcessive permissiveness and inconsistency: (3) behaviors based on ignorance. including dishonestrole-playing, overprotection, and isolation: (4) overly restrictive or harsh moral codes: and (5) parentsdefenses and addictive patterns that are transmitted to their children.A number of factors are involved in the psychodynamics of emotional maltreatment: parents'ambivalent feelings, the projection of parents' negative traits onto children. the confusion betweenemotional

hunger and genuine love, the exclusivity of traditional coupling, and the utilization of thechild as a symbol of immortality. It is mandatory that we examine dehumanizing child-rearing practicesdelineated here in order to help future generations of children.INTRODUCTIONA disease that is kept hidden behind closeddoors and shuttered windows, whose existence isignored or denied, can never he cured.... At thattime, we had no statistics: we only had our gutreactions to personal experiences. It was difficultfor those of us who believed child maltreatmentio be a major disease to convince those who didnot.Vincent Fontana (1983. p. 30-31)To be able to see anybody as abusive. I had toacknowledge that the woman who gave me lifealso devalued it. demeaned it and nearly de-stroyed it.Barboa Dolan (1991. p. 47)Recent studies have shown that physical andsexual abuse of children is far more widespread thanwas previously recognized.' However, emotional orpsychological child abuse very often has a moreprofound impact on the child than either physical orsexual maltreatment in terms of its overall effect onI he prevalence of phssical and sexual abuse is supported by numerous statistical studies, including a NationalCommittee tor Prevention of Child Abuse survey (National Center on Child Abuse Prevention Research. 1990) thatshov.ed 2.4 million children and youth abused in the United Stales in 1989. and a 1979 estimate (Saraf ino. 1979) thatI ound as many as 336.000 victims of sexual abuse each year. In another national survey. 27% of the women and 16% ofthe men surveyed reported being sexually abused (lAnkelhor. floating. Lewis. & Smith, 1990). "Surveys in Californiaand Massachusetts in i he 1951k found that as many as 1 in 5 girls and 1in 7 boys under the age of 18 had been sexuallyabused bs a relative" (Gorman. 1991. p. 46).The Glendon Association1(310) 552-0431 the psyche. the spirit, and the humanness of theindividual. Although abuses that lead to bodily injuryare reprehensible and tragic, nonetheless, insufficientattention has been paid to other patterns of abuse.Emotional child abuse refers w the damage todu' child's psychological development and emergivpersonal identity. primarily caused by parents' (pri-mary cwetakers. ) immaturity. defended lift-style.and conscious or unconscious aggression toward thechild.We must consider it an abuse when imprintingfrom early interactions with parents has long-termdebilitating effects on a person's conception of self.impairs personal relationships, leads to a condition ofgeneral unhappiness, causes pain in one's sexual life.and interferes with and stifles development of careerand vocational pursuits: Although personal deficien-cies and limitations in adult functioning are at timesa function of biological or hereditary factors. in ourexperience, they generally have been more closelyrelated to. even over-determined by, abuses sufferedin the process of growing up.Empirical research and our own clinical studieshave led us to conclude thatnormativechild-rearingpractices in, our society have pathogenic propertiesand effects.In commenting on the increasing norm-alization of psychopathology in the Western world.R. D. Laing (1990) stated: "Pathology has, or hasalmost. taken over, and has become the norm, thestandard that sets the tone for the society...lwel live(p. xi). Physical, sexual. and emotional abusessuffered by children in the course of a so-callednormalupbringing are far more common and theeffects are far more destructive and long-lasting thanmost people recognize (Blumberg. 1974: Emerson &McBride, 1986: Finkel. 1987: Ferenczi. 1933/1955:Garbarino. Guttmann. & Seeley. 1986: Jones. 1982:Miller. 1979/1981. 1980/1984. 1981/1984: Shearer& Herbert. 1987: Shengold. 1989: Zigler, 1980).Indeed, no child enters adulthood without incurringa certain amount of damage inbasic areas of person-ality development that disturb psychological func-tioning andyetleave no visible scars.Although emotional child abuse is omnipresentwithin the context of the traditional nuclearfamily,4the degree to which children are damaged variesconsiderably. The more parents were deprived.rejected. or misunderstoo

d during their formativeyears. the greater the impairment of their parentalfunctions. regardless of their stated commitment orconcern for their children. It is important to empha-size that many of the behaviors that hurt childrenoccur on the periphery of parents' consciousness.There are many reasons why parents are seeminglyinsensitive or oblivious to the ways they damage theirchildren: however, two reasons are relevant to thepresent discussion: (1) most parents have forgottenor rationalized their own parents' mistreatment ofthem:and (2) most are insensitive to themselves,relating to, mistreating. and punishing themselves intnuch the same style that they were treated as child-ren. In other words, negative attitudes toward oneselfare extended to one's children and perpetuate thecycle of abuse.The reason child abuse ofallforms has beenminimized or denied in our soc iety'. is that it is a basicpart of a core defense to maintain an idealized imageof parents and family members. Children prefer tofantasize that parents are "good- and that they them-In stressing the prolound negative effects 01 emotional or psychological abuse. (iarbanno.Guttmann. and Seeley (1986)siate. "Rather than casting psNchological maltreatment as an ancillary issue. subordinate to other forms of abuse andneglect. we should place it as the centerpiece of efforts to understand family functioning and lo protect children. Inalmost all cases. it is the psychological consequences of an act that define that act as abusive- (p. 7).A national survey of disciplinary practices reported that 97% of all children in the United States have been physicallypunished. The borderline abuse group. &fined as those parents who administered daily or weekly spankings. were moreieflective of a cultural norm than a parenting deviation (Kaufman & /ogler. 1987).4Clinical observation wily/mg a feeling release therapy supported the hypothesis regarding the universality of childhoodtrauma (Firestone. 1985). In a population of over 200 individuals, we found that, without exception. every subjectexpressed deep-seated pain that hAshe had previously suppressed. We agree with Janov (197(t) that people arrange theirlives to avoid the recurrence ol painful feelings ol sadness associated with early trauma.I he incidence ol child maltreatment has been underestimated in our society: nonetheless, the effects of abuse are visiblecarly on as evidenced hy the fact that over 2W; of school-age children exhibit some form of senous (diagnosable)emotional disturbance or learning disability requiring intervention (Freiberg, 1991). The widespread use of drugs andrecent figures showing that in one year over a million wane people attempted suicide. wah more than 250.(VOeipnrime medical treatment (('imons. I 99h are further indications of the high incidence of neglect and destructiveparenting muctices.(310) 552-04312The Glendon Association selves are "bad- as a survival mechanism rather thanface the painful truth of their experience. This defenseis generalized and becomes a social institution.Unfortunately, in supporting the sanctity of thenuclear family and in protecting parents' rights overtheir children, society indirectly condones the harmdone to children "for their own good.-6 Furthermore.many professionals and experts in child developmenthave moved in the direction of de-emphasizing oreven negating the important link between early child-hood trauma and subsequent maladaptive behavior inadult patients (Plomin, 1989: Rosenfeld. 1978). Thistrend has contributed to the atmosphere of doubt andcontroversy surrounding the validity of adults recol-lections of being sexually and physically abused aschildren.7Years of clinical experience with patients andtheir families convinced me of certain unavoidableand painful truths about family life and its adverseeffect on both children and parents (Firestone. 1990).Originally. my attention was directed toward schizo-phrenic fiunilies. later toward families that producedneuroses, and lastly I began to investigate the effectsof the structure of the nuclear family on "normal-individuals. My abiding interest was an attempt tounderstand the causes of p

ersonal !aiffering. Ihnita-tion, and maladjustment. In the course of this effortto fathom the meaning of symptoms and pain anddetermine the underlying causality. I had to graduallyrelinquish my own inclination to idealize the ftunily.I was forced to look at destructive parental attitudesand responses that were detrimental to people's well-being. I discovered that the origins of self-defeatingbehavior and a good deal of personal misery weredirectly traceable to harmful operations within thetraditional family structure (Firestone. 198().My position, however, is not that the nuclearfamily is inherently detrimental to human growth anddevelopment, but that it has evolved into a destructiveinstitution. Only by recognizing this fact and dealingwith the issues that make families dysfunctional canwe modify or change family life so that it has a moreconstructive effect on future generations of children.Lastly. my description and account of abusivefamily practices should not be mistaken for a disre-spect of family values, as they are most cherished byme in my personal life with my wife and eight chil-dren. My approach, while accounting for and under-standing the roots of psychopathology, is very differ-ent from focusing blame on parents and families.Parents themselves were damaged intheirupbring-ing and inadvertently pass on this damage to theirchildren. In either case. both parent and child shouldhe viewed with compassion.The purpose of this article is to (1) draw attentionto the fact of emotional child abuse and its manifes-tations and efkcts ("normal" parenting practices thatcause so muchunnecessarysuffering to children): (2)develop a supportive thesis to reinforce the fact thatchild abuse as described by adults in psychotherapyand recent reports to the media is a valid phenome-non: (3) detail the varied patterns of emotional abuse:and (4) explain the underlying dynamicsthe rea-sons why well-meaning parents act out destructivemachinations.SUPPORTIVE EVIDENCE OF THE REALITYOF CHILD ABUSEOBSERVATIONS OF FAMILYINTERACTIONSIn observing and investigating families in publicsettings, patients in psychotherapy, and the long-termeffects of family life in a longitudinal study.8 wefound that, in general. parental responses were not6( )ther cultures do not necessarily conform to Western conventions regarding the sanctity of the family versus protectingthe nghts of children. See Norma Feshbach's (1980) chapter "Corporal Punishment in the Schools: Some Paradoxes.s;ome Facts. Some Possible Directions- and Jill Korbm's (19811"Very Few Cases: Child Abuse and Neglect in thePeople's Republic ol China.- for documentation ol legal and ethical standards in Sweden and Communist China thatsupport children's nghts. Straus & (idles (1986) reported that spanking. slapping. and hitting a child with an object arelegalls considered "abuse" in Sweden and several other countnes (p. 468).I he most convincing evidence in opposition to those who claim that these memories are merely fantasies or distortionshas come trom parents in psychotherapy or group process v ho openly admitted the abuses they inflicted on theirhildren.1 heir self-disclosures validated and ()lien added to the accounts of their adult children's recollections of hong'mistreated while grossing up. Participants in a speciahied parenting group have observed the transmission of abusivealtitudes and behaviors through three generations. tieginning with their parents. perpetuated through themselves, andsubsequently directed toward thor olfspnng (Firestone, 1989).The Glendon Association3(310) 552-0431 consistent with a reasonable or responsible opera-tional definition of love.Lovingoperationswouldincludegenuinewarmth, tenderness, physical affection. pleasure inthe child's company, respect for the child's bounda-ries, responsible and sensitive care. and a willingnessto be a real person with the child rather than simplyact the role of "mother" or "father.- When parentalactions contradict these criteria and are disrespectful.overprotective, intrusive, neglectful. or overtly hos-tile. they cannot be considered to be loving opera-tions, regardless of the subjective inner feeling de-scr

ibed by parents. Parents' behaviors must coincidewith their internal feeling state in order for their loveto have a beneficial effect on the child. The discrep-ancy between the inner feeling of love and lovingbehavior is one of the reasons why parents are defen-sive: they know what they feel, but they lack the sameclarity in relation to their behavior.We observed two major categories of mistreat-ment of children. One is best characterized as aggres-sion: the other as neglect. Aggression refers to deg-radation, physical or sexual mistreatment, verbalabuse, a lack of respect for the child's boundaries,etc.. whereas neglect refers to deprivation and insen-sitivity to the child's needs and a lack of physicalaffection, interest, and concern.Itis intereNting that in a deep feeling releasepsychotherapy, patients in the former instance shout-ed statements such as: "Get away from me!" "I'mscared of you!" "l'in not crazy!" "Leave me alone!":whereas in relation to neglect. they scretuned: "Holdme!" "Touch me!" "You don't see me!" "Look atme!""You don't love me!" "Don' t go away!" "Don'tleave me!" Needless to say, these expressions wereaccompanied by intense affect.DYSFUNCTIONAL ADULTS ANDDYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIESThe majority of individuals in our culture aredamaged in their personal relationships, self-confi-dence, and overall sense of self. Their attitudes arecontaminated by feelings of self-hatred and voiceattacks concerning performance. These negative feel-ings also impact on individuals' capacity to functionin the work place. For example, fear or rage towardauthority. withholding, and other forms of passive-aggression are indicators of early trauma.The effects of child abuse are evident in thestatistics related to dysfunctional adults, the increasein the divorce rate, and the breakdown of the family.Surveys show that the lifetime prevalence for depres-sion is 20.4% of the population: foranyDSM-III-Rdisorder. it is 37.1% (Lewinsohn. 1991). The 1973-1988 General Social Surveys conducted by the Na-tional Opinion Research Center show that nearlyone-half (45.6%) of persons "ever married" wereseparated or divorced after 15 to 19 years of marriage(Mc Lanahan & Booth. 1989). Hewlett (199f) reportsthat 42% of fathers -fail to see their children in thewake of divorce" (p. 12), and Goodrich. Rampage.and El Iman (1989) estimate that "by 1990 one-halfof all our children under 18 will spend three to fiveyears living in a single-mother family" (p. 56). Boltonand MacEachron (1986) have documented the indica-tions of maltreatment risk in the divorced single-parentfamily. Finally. Toth (1992) reports that "the last majorstudy. conducted by the deparunent I U.S. Departmentof Health and Human Servicesl about a decade ago.estimated that 1 million youths run away from homeeach year" (p. A5). A more recent study by the NationalAssociation of Social workers found that "two-thirds ofthe nmaways who seek shelter have been physically orsexually abused by a parent" (p. AS).Most people rely on shop-worn solutions cen-tered on blaming social upheaval and personal suffer-ing on the breakdown of religion and the dissolutionof the family: however, the reverse is true. The dete-rioration in family relationships and social structureis largely a by-product of harmful practices within thefamily unit, rather than the result (deMause, 1974:Miller 1980/1984).A very important indication of child abuse is thesubsequent damage to adults in the quality of theirinterpersonal relationships.Most people's personalinteractions arc characterized by a general distrust ofothers. fear of involvement and vulnerability, atoughness or hardness of men and women in relationto each other. and a good deal of generalized hostility.itThe reference population involved in the longitudinal study is descnhed in a hook,Compassionate Chdd-Rearing(Firestone, 19891.1 he study refers io the observation of approximawly IOU adult individuals over a I 4-year penod in[heir interactions with their parents and with their children.(310) 552-04314The Glendon Association5 Itis logical that distress and unhappiness in adultrelationships are a direct consequence of painful ex-periences in

people's early associations. Distrustfulattitudes and fear everienced in family relationshipsare later extended to others.ADVERSE REACTIONS TO PARENTALCONTACTSReactions of Disturbed PatientsRegression in schizophrenic and psychosomaticpatients following parents' hospital visits is an impor-tant indication of negative parental influences. At theNational Jewish Center for Immunology and Respi-ratory Medicine, we observed the impact of separa-tion from parents on young patients suffering fromintractable asthma, whose symptoms considerablyimproved or virtually disappeared entirely during atwo-year separation period or -parentectomy.- Thischange was not due to geographic relocation, as someof the improved children came from the same re-gion. P4 In addition there was increased symptomatol-ogy following parental visits.In regard to schizophrenia, many therapistsspend months with patients leading to a small amountof progress. only to have this progress reversed in amatter of an hour or two in the course of a seeminglyharmless visit with the family. This is a commonexperience in residential treatment centers and men-tal hospitals (Lid/. 1969/1972).Reactions of ChildrenMany children appear more agitated. tense. andantisocial in the company of their parents as con-trasted with being with other children and adults.This is particularly true of young children. In addi-tion, we of ten noted that there was a lack of eyecontact and regression to more infantile behaviors int.hildren after they spent extended periods of timewith parents.Our observations are supported by other studies.including the work of Anna Freud and Dorothy Bur-lingham (1944). who described the reactions of chil-dren separated from their parents in wartime Eng-9land. In their book. Infams Without Families, theystate that children in the Hampstead Residential Nur-seryfrequentlyrevertedtoinfantilebehaviorsfollowing family reunions or holidays with theirparents.Educators aware of the damaging effects of par-ent-child interactions tend to adjust their classes ac-cordingly. For example. instructors teaching skiing.swimming. and other sports frequently make it aprerequisite that parents not accompany even veryyoung children to class or practice.Reactions of AdultsIt appeared that negative attitudes toward selfwere reinforced by parental contacts. and peoplereported a deterioration in mood and an increase intension and marital disputes after family visits. Onecommon occurrence involved the situation where thenew mother's mother arrived to help out with theneonate. Very often the situation deteriorated. Insteadof having a positive effect. it contributed to the prob-lem of caring for the new baby and led to increasedtension in the home.Generalized hostility toward in-laws is evidenced in the humor directed at in-laws andparticularly at mothers-in-law. This anger is relatedto nettative or unpleasant changes in the husband orwife when associating with their families.It is interesting that grown children's attitudestoward parents reflect a good deal of conscious andunconscious hostility and a desire for distance. Pa-rents constantly complain that their children don'twrite or visit. Why, if family life is so constructiveand personally rewarding. must grown children becoerced or be made to feel guilty to maintain contact?Why wouldn't it he a powerful choice for them tomaintain close relationships with their parents overthe span of life'?FINDINGS FROM INVESTIGATIONSUTILIZING VOICE THERAPYFurther evidence of the validity of child abusecan he seen in abusive attitudes and inner voices thatpeople direct toward themselves. We were able toReponmg on this lonn of residential treatment. Senien (196s) stated: "Dunn?. their Is% o-vear stay, their health improvesso rapidly and significantly that hospitalwation lrefemng to the ahme-mentioned treatment program/ is oftensonsidered a life-sas mg experienceRuling out improvements in specific mediyal or psychological care. V. orkeiN inthis field have concluded that sepuratom itself oAes jar tor in improvement- /Rallis added/ (p. 271The Glendon Association5(310) 552-0431 bring these attitudes to the surface, utilizing the spe-

cialized techniques of Voice Therapy (Firestone.I9gg. 1990). Self-critical, self-attacking thoughtsand attitudes exist to varying degrees in every person.underminingself-confidenceandinfluencingmaladaptive behavior. Without any encouragementor prior suggestion. participants in our study directlyrelated the tone, style of communication. and contentof their self-attacks and voices to experiences in earlyfamily interactions. People remembered personal at-tacks leveled against them and recalled examples ofabusive attitudes and behavior they had endured.FINALLY, AND MOST CONCLUSIVELY,PARENTS' ADMISSION, IN PARENTINGGROUPS AND IN INDIVIDUALPSYCHOTHERAPY, OF ABUSIVEFEELINGS AND ACTIONSIn our reference population. we found that (a)parents admission of abusive treatment of their chil-dren coincided with reports of their grown children.and (b) abuses were closely related to their children'spersonal limitations and later suffering.If theirgrown children's reports were fabricated or weremerely fantasies. parents' disclosures would havefailed to confirm them.Within the forum of ongoing parenting groups.parents revealed aggressive attitudes, feelings. andbehaviors they had acted out at significant times ininteractions with their children. In many cases, theyadded information or furnished more details sur-rounding the painful events recalled by their off-spring. In this aunosphere of honest disclosure, par-ents' guilt feelings were not intensified: on the con-trary. they were significantly reduced. (There hasbeen a strong defensive reaction and movementagainst exposure of parental abuses in recent years.based on the tact that this exposure would increaseparental guilt feelings and further complicate theproblem. Although there is some truth to this accusa-tion. we have also found evidence to the contrary: (a)when these incidents come to light in a therapeuticatmosphere of warmth and understanding. guilt feel-ings are reduced. and (b) even if exposure did lead toguilt, education is necessary for remediation or re-fonn.) In general, only when parents become reallyfree in their communication, admit their negativefeelings, and understand the origin of their aggressiontoward their children, can they constructively modifytheir behavior (Firestone. 1990; Fraiberg. Adelson. &Shapiro. 1975/1980).PATTERNS OF EMOTIONAL CHILD ABUSEIt would be valuable to direct attention to speci-fic forms of abuse that have lasting effects on thepersonalities of children. The following patterns ofemotional or psychological abuse may be delineated:those based on (a) parental hostility: (b) parentalindifference or neglect: (c) a generalized ignorance ormisunderstanding of children: (d) overly-restrictive orharsh moral codes and value systems: and (e) parents'negative character traits and defended life-styles.These patterns are identified with and imitated bychildren. to their own detriment.BEHAVIORS BASED ON PARENTALHOSTILITYVerbal AbuseParental hostility is often communicated to achild through sarcastic. derisive, or condescendingcommentary. Parents are verbally aggressive whentheir spoken words are typically characterized asnegative, overly critical or severe. Constant deroga-tory statements directed toward children about theirbasic appearance. performance. and mannerisms arevery debilitating. In addition. many parents repeat-edly make unfavorable comparisons with siblings orpeers. Children have no way to combat parents whomaliciously tease them or humiliate them. Their feel-ings of embarrassment and shame generally are ig-nored, discounted, or even laughed at. Insinuationsand sneering questions like "Can't you take a joke?"or "Why are you so sensitive?" intensify children'shurt feelings and sense of shame.Often children are ridiculed in situations wherethey are particularly vulnerable. Many are teased.criticized, or put off when they express spontaneousaffection. Parents remind them that "You're too oldfor such things." or taunt them with such statementsas "Isn't she the sexy one?" or "Isn't he cute`i- Forexample. many women in our study recalled beingrejected or pushed away by their fathers while beingphysically affectionate. (Many men and

women findit awkward and uncomfortable to be affectionatetoward children of the opposite sex, because they areafraid of their sexual feelings.) Others rememberedresponding affectionately to their fathers only to beridiculed or reprimanded sharply by their mothers(310) 552-04316The Glendon Association7 warning them thatnice girls don't act like that."Both men and women remembered parents and rela-tives making derisive, belittling remarks about theirfriendships or romantic feelings.Condescending attitudes are also manifested bymany parents. teachers. and nurses who charac-teristically treat children as inferiors and talk downto them: "Now it's time to take 'our bath." or "Howare 'we' doing?". Lecturing and moral lessons byparents delivered in a pedantic, syrupy. or disre-spectfill style infimtilize children and increase theirfeelings of incompetency and helplessness.Parents' tendencies to classify children are com-parable to clinicians' overreliance on diagnostic la-beling, which dehumanizes and detracts from anoverall view of the person. Harsh. judgmental atti-tudes, expressed through labeling. categorizing. andname-calling. undermine children's selfle.steem. Par-ents tend to categorize a particular child as "the shyone." "the beautiful one." "the plain one." or "thedefiant one." and refer to children in pejorative terms.telling them that they are "lazy." "inconsiderate," or"selfish." Name-calling or addressing a child with anickname that has a strong negative connotation robshim/her of dignity and a positive sensc of identity.Sadistic Mistreatment DuringSocialization of the ChildMistreatment of children during the socializa-tion process can range from minor irritability anddisrespect to sadism and brutality. Many parents be-lieve that children must be made to submit to parentalauthority ("for their own good") in order to he prop-erly socialized. They feel justified in angrily punish-ing the child when he/she refuses to comply immedi-ately with their directives or demands. In direct con-frontation or showdown with the child, they manifestfierce, punitive attitudes and. at times, violent rage.which stands out from their usual behavior. Explosiveoutbursts intimidate and terrify children. who per-ceive their parents as out of control. This type ofparental response is weak and ineffectual and threat-ens the child's security. Situations that require paren-tal authority often provide an outlet for parents' re-pressed hostility or sadistic tendencies. It is unneces-sary to focus on a "battle of wills- where total sub-mission or subversion of self is required of the child.To compound the problem, many parents equatediscipline with punishment and feel righteous in us-ing forceful Measures. This faulty approach to disci(-)pline tends to be supported legally in our society.'Even in the absence of physical force. psychologicalcoercion, thought control, and sadistic threats of fu-ture punishment constitute a serious misuse of paren-tal power. In one case, for example. a mother threat-ened her young daughter several times a day withsuch statements as: "I'd like to break your neck. youlittle creep!"Another form of indirect hostility toward thechild is manifest in parental withholding, where par-ents hold back rewards or inhibit positive emotionalresponses to children. This turns out to be a verycommon pattern. Frequently. there are sadistic ten-dencies underlying a parent's negativity or withhold-ing behavior. For example. parents tend to withholdfrom their children particularly at those times whenthey are the most wanting and enthusiastic. Theyseem to take a kind of sadistic delight in saying "No,"even though they may later give in and grant thechild's request. As a consequence, many children arediscouraged from asking directly for what they wantand eventually turn against their wants and priorities.As a result. it is difficult for the majority of adults inour culture to directly ask for what they want and toopenly express their feelings about important andmeaningful personal issues.In many cases, acts of cruelty or negative treat-ment of children may appear to go unnoticed as a partof normal child-rearing pract

ices. Some mothers al-ways manage to get soap in their child's eyes whenbathing them. and some fathers think nothing ofthrowing a terrified youngster into a pool. rationaliz-ing their behavior as an benevolent attempt to helpthe child conquer his/her fear. There are many exam-(;arbanno and (jilliam1950) state that: '1 here is clear legal sanction lor the use of physical force against children. Theexas legislature. for example. in 1974 enacted legislation containing the kill os ing statement: 'I hi use of force, but notdeadly force. against a child younger than 1)4 years is justified: (I) 11 the actor is the child's parent or stepparent... (2)when and to the degree the actor believes the force is necessary to discipline the child.' This law reflects the historicalrole of violence in our civili/ation" (p.I he Supreme Court (in Ingraham v. Wnght ) ruled that schools have the nghtto corporally punish disobedient children (Belsky, 19)(0).The Glendon Association7(310) 552-04318 pies of indirect hostility manifested in subtle behav-iors: tor example, the way a child is handled. dressed.fed, changed. and bathed can he rough and insensi-tive.Lack of Respect for the Child's PersonalBoundariesParents who believe that their children "belong-to them, in the proprietary sense. tend to speak fortheir children, take over their productions as theirown, brag excessively to their friends about theiraccomplishments, and, in general. live vicariouslythrough them. Many parents who are unable to feelfor their children offer them flattery and specialpraise as a substitute for the affection and love theywithhold. This type of build-up contributes to irra-tional feelings of vanity in the child awl leads toperformance anxiety. It fails to counteract or diminishchildren's ba.sic feelings of inferiority or unlovability.Also, parents intrude on the personal boundariesof their offspring by inappropriately touching them.invading their privacy, going through their belorw-ings, reading their mail, and requiring them to per-form for friends and relatives. A very serious violation of a child's rights is manifested in parents' insis-tencethattheirchildrevealhis/her innermostthoughts and feelings. This form of inquisition anddemand fOr immediate response closely resemblespmcedures used in brain-washing.Studies have conclusively shown that exploita-tion of the child as a sexual object constitutes a severeinfringement on the child's boundaries, leading toego fragmentation and later to addictive behavior anddissociative disorders (Cavaiola & Schiff.1988:Conte. 1988: Co(ms, 1986). However, one must con-.ider that general disregard for a child's personalboundaries can be equally as harmful: in some cases.the effects are more insidious and pathogenic. Chil-dren who are intruded on and utilized for a parent'sown narci:istic needs grow up feeling as though theydon't belong to themselves hut exist only as an objectfor others.Threats of Abandonment or Loss of LoveThreats of abandonment or of being sent away(to boarding school. hospital, or jail) are far morecommon than one might think and frighten childrenunnecessarily. John Bowlby (1973) reports thatthreats of this sort are widely used by parents asdisciplinary measures and frequently lead to seriousschool phobias, psychosomatic illness, and othersymptoms in children.Warnings or threats that a parent might leave ordesert the family. run away and abandon the child, orcommit suicide are even more terrifying and, in ad-dition. impose an enormous burden of guilt on thechild.Stifling or Punishing a Child's Aliveness,Spontaneity, and CuriosityThe spontaneous action, liveliness, noise, andlack of shame typical of young children often arousefeelings of tension. embarrassment. guilt. and angerin many parents. who then feel compelled to controland restrict their children. Statements such as "Whatare you getting so excited for?" "Stop asking so manyquestions!" suppress children's natural expressionsof enthusiasm, curiosity, and freedom of movement.Children are also cautioned: "Don't be so proud ofyourself!" "Don't be conceited.- They eventuallystop taking pride in their accomplishments and havedifficulty

acknowledging their self-worth.DESTRUCTIVE PRACTICES BASED ONINDIFFERENCE AND NEGLECTDeprivation, Actual Neglect, and OutrightRejectionNeglect is a passive form of abuse. According toGarbarino and Gilliam (1980), "Most estimates fig-ure the rate of neglect at three to four times the ratefor physical abuse. and it probably accounts for moredeaths- (p. 14).11 Many so-called accidental drown-ings of inhuits and younger children and some inci-dents of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) areII\ lost iniunes in children aren't caused by random fate. hut are predictable and preventable. Injunes are now the leadingkiller of children, causing more deaths than all diseases combined. "In 191(8. unintentional trjunes (ear accidents.drow nings, mishaps) and intentional injunes (homicide, suicide, child abuse) took the lives of 22.426 children, leavingan additional 1o,000 with permanent disabilities" (Sullivan. 1991. p. B7). This form ol neglect is partially responsiblefor the fact that homicide is among the five leading causes of death for children in the United States (Seiden. 191(4:Korhin. 1989).(310) 552-04318The Glendon Association attributable to parental neglect (Jason. Carpenter. &Tyler. 1983: Luke. 1978: New lands & Emery, 1991:Rheingold. 1964: Rosen & Johnson. 1988). Someparents fail to take even the minimum precautions inrelation to a child's physical health and safety. Theauthor is aware of cases where neglect led to death.e.g.. children left unattended in bathtubs or swim-ming pools. Other parents refused medical treatmentfor a sick child because of religious beliefs, and theresulting neglect caused unnecessary deaths.12 Chil-dren who are not provided with the necessary super-vision, who are not watched carefully. are involvedin more accidents and sustain more injuries, burns.broken bones. etc.. than other children. Later, asadolescents and adults, they tend to be more accident-prone and self-destructive.LSimilarly, children raised by "psychologicallyunavailable- parents often exhibit symptoms of"nonorganic failure to thrive- such as apathy. leth-argy. developmental delays ( Altemeier. et al., 1979:Drotar, 1985: Drotar. Eckerle. Sato la. Pa llotta. &Wyatt. 1990: Kote !chuck. 1980: Newberger, Reed.Daniel. Hyde. & Kole !chuck. 1977: Po llitt, Eichler.& Chan, 1975), and a phenomenon known as "depri-vation dwarfism" (Gardner. 1972: Pain. Gilmore. &Valcarcel, 1978).14 Emotional neglect is manifestedin parents who reject or ignore their children, refuseto speak to them for extended time periods. or areunconcerned with their whereabouts. Emotionallyneglected children tend to take on a rejected. patheticappearance. Their unappealing demeanor. combinedwith clinging, dependent. or negativistic behaviors.provoke rejection by others. thereby diminishing anychance for corrective experiences.Lack of Physical Affection, Interest, orConcernParents who have been deprived of love duringtheir formative years often lack the emotional resour-ces to offer love and affection to a needy child. Theyfeel frightened and inadequate in bearing responsibil-ity for a life other than their own. The pressure of theadded dependency load can be very threatening(Bakan. 1971: Steele & Pollock. 1974). Therefore,they fail to respond warmly to a child, rationalizingtheir lack of response as an attempt to avoid spoilingthe child by giving him/her "too much" affection orattention.Other parents reassure their offspring with suchstatements as: "Your father really loves you, he justdoesn't know how to show it.- They assume that theirinner thoughts and feelings about loving their chil-dren are comparable with outward expressions. Theyimagine that they care deeply. while in fact, theymake very5 little real meaningful contact with theirchildren.1- When there is no outward expression ofphysical warmth, children tend to feel unacceptableor unlovable. On the other hand, the type of intrusivetouching and nervous caressing manifested by anemotionally hungry parent attempting to fill his/herdependency needs through the child must be distin-guished from genuine physical affection that nurturesthe child.As their children grow older, disinterested pa-rent

s often remain ignorant, indifferent to and un-aware of their children's lives and emotional well-be-ing. An insidious, disguised example of neglect canbe observed in parents who have excellent standardsof physical care (their offspring are meticulouslycared for, clean, and well-groomed), yet they remainemotionally cold, unfeeling, and distant toward them.Children who are handled insensitively by people12Recent supreme court decisions (the Indiana Supreme Court). revoking the "religious defense" argument in the deaths oftwo children. may help prevent some future deaths from this form of neglect (Hughes. 1990).HMargolin and 'Fetcher (1968) found a history of maternal depnvation dunng the first year of life in a group of suuldaladolescent boys. Schneer. Kay. and Bromvsky (1961) found parental loss or separation experiences among 84 suicidaladolescents, this was accompanied by a large number ;:f instances of neglect hy the mother. Israel Orhach (1988), authorof Children Who Don't Wow to Live, in summary/mg the research on neglect stated: "Neglect appears to amplify thedestructive impact of abuse. I he parents' apathy creates a feeling of superfluity in the child. At the most simple anddirect level, the child learns that Ihedshe is an unwanted burden" (p. 93).I 4/unng infancy and early childhood. conotwnal depnvation and neglect can lead to death. Spiti's (1945, I946a, 1946h)studies ol children raised in an institution, deprived of maternal involvement, showed an infant mortality rate of over33% in a sample of ninety-one orphans. who were "adequately cared for in every bodily respect" (Spitz. 1965. p. 278).sIt is shocking how infrequently "normal" parents make meaningful contact with their children. A survey (S /alai. 1972)lound that the average parent spends only 5.4 minutes per day talking with his/her child.The Glendon Association9(310) 552-04310plerpv,f:it!rirralEtootvat who lack warmth grow up with much unhappinessand an exaggerated hunger and desperation for love.Ironically, this desperation limits their possibility ofever attaining love in future relationships.Lack of Sensitivity to a Child's NeedsParents who have closed off aspects of their ownpersonalities and are cut off from their feelingsarcnecessarily insensitive to the nids of their children.Some mothers, for example. arc incapable of feedingand caring for an infant without arousing undue anxi-ety or frustration in the child. They are inappropriatein the sc'aeduling of feedings, often delay theirre-sponses to their child's cries of hunger or distress, andat times overfeed or force-feed the child.Indeed.many fathers and mothers appear unable to empa-thetically attune their care-taking responsesto thechild's signals aid behavioral cues ( Brazelton &Cramer. 1990; Stern. 1985).Excessive PermisskvenessOverpermissiveness is a form of neglect becausethe child fails to develop appropriate inner controlsover acting-out behavior. Overly permissive parentsare remiss in failing to provide sufficient directionand comrol for their offspring. If childrenare notproperly socialized, in the best sense of the word (forexample, if they fail to learn to control theiraggres-sive impulses). they will become anxiousas adultsbecause of their inability to manage their emotionsand impulses. As a result, they develop considerableself-hatred and negative attitudes toward self. Indeed.when children fail to receive either affectionor regu-lation. both of which are basic needs,I6 theygrow upfeeling unloved and unlovable.Parental InconsistencyParental inconsistency is often more damagingthan consistent ill treatment, which ismore readilyidentifiable. It sets up a pattern of anxiety aid dis-trust. Parents tend to resmnd to the child more interms of their own moods (which vary considerably).rather than reacting appropriately to the child's be-havior (Locher & Dishion. 1983). Often. outbursts ofanger and abuse are followed by feelings of contritionand apologetic behavior. One particularly destructivepattern of inconsistency is exemplified by parentswho punish their children or become especially with-holding from them following close personal interac-tion. This vacillating p

attern confuses the child andleads to a defensive twocess of inwardness and emo-tional tightness.BEHAVIORS BASED ON GENERALIZEDIGNORANCEParental Role-Playing and DishonestyIt is always detrimental for parents to role-play(act out "proper" responses) or respond in a manneror styledifferent from their true feeling state. Themajority of child-rearing books suppon a form ofabuse characterized by mixed messages. a discre-pancy between spoken words and real feelings thatdistorts the child's sense of reality (Bateson. Jackson.Haley. & Weakland. 1956/1972; Laing. 1967; Ruesch& Bateson. 1951). Children suffer from the lack of areal person in their lives. What they need most isaparent who is an emotionally responsive human being.willing to relate to them directly with genuine feeling,not a robot reacting with programmed. socially ac-ceptable. or role-determined emotions.I7Parental OverprotectionOverprotective behavior limits a child's expe-rience and ability to cope with life and teacheshim/her an abnormal form of dependency. Parentswho lack an understanding of children's need togrowand individuate tend to restrict their freedom ofmovement, discourage or even prevent their inde-pendent interests and pursuits. or become overlycon-cerned with their physical health. In overidentifyingwith their child's pain, they soothe.reassure. coddle,Or oversympathiz.e, which limits his/her developmentof ego strength and independenu.. Thereappear to betwo factors underlying overprotective tendencies inparents: a benevolent, albeit inappropriate and de-16In order to provide children with emotionalsustenance. parents must have KA the desire and the capacity tocare for (he(Md, the author has termed this psychonutntional product"love-food.- which Implies parents' desire and ability tomeet the child's haste needs for both love and control (Firestone. 1957).I 7I'dmed material elaborating on children's basic needscan Ix. found in a series of documentaries on chtld-rranng: TheInnerince in Child Abuse (Parr. 1986): Hunger versus Love (Parr. 1987a); ParentalAmbivalence (Parr. 1987b):I herapeuhr ChildRearing (Parr. 1987c); and The ImplicitPain of Sensitive Child-Rearing (Parr. 1988).(310) 552-043110The Glendon Association1 1 structive. need to spare the child pain, and disguisedhostility or aggression toward the child (Levy. 1943:Parker, 1983).IsolationIsolating children and adolescents from socialcontacts. including peers or extra-fiunilial influencesthat would offer a different point of view from that ofthe parents. is detrimental to a child's personal devel-opment and future mental health." Many parents.assuming that children are easily influenced (ad-versely) by "outsiders" strictly limit their child's oradolescent's contact with other people. Physicallyabusive parents. in particular. attempt to prevent theiroffspring from forming other relationships that couldpossibly facilitate a healing process for the traumathey suffer (Young. 1964). With respect to preven-tion. the importance of an extended family situationor support network cannot he overemphasized.1)OVERLY RESTRICTIVE OR HARSH MORALCODES AND VALUESTeaching Attitudes Toward Sex and theHuman BodyVirtually every adult in our society grew up infamilies where they were taught distorted viewsabout sex. As parents. they indicate, both directly andsubtly, that sex is bad. that masturbation is harmful.that the subject of sexuality is taboo. and ttutt sexshould he confined to a separate sphere of life (Berke.1988: Calderone. 1974/1977). In spite of the so-called sexual revolution of the sixties, many stillrefuse to allow their teenagers to attend sex educationclasses. In addition, negative views held by parentsin relation to nudity and the human body cause chil-dren to develop a deep sense of shame about theirbodies and guilt in relation to sexual feelings (Gun-derson & Mc Cary. 1979). The typical introduction tosexuality (implicit attitudes and training) encoun-tered in family life actually constitutes a form ofsexual abuse, as the majority of zu'Jlts in our societyare eventually impaired to varying degrees in theirsexual feelings. attitudes, and capacity to enjoy ma-ture sexual rela

tionships (Pagels. 1988: Parr. 1990:Vergote. 1978/1988).Parental Attitudes Based on Teachings thatthe Child Is Inherently BadCosely related to distorted views of sexualityare parental beliefs derived from the concept of"original sin." that is. the belief that children are bornbad (Klein. 1948/1964: Wilson & Herrnstein, 1985).Statements and cliches such as "Children should beseen and not heard." "Spare the rod and spoil thechild" are representative of this point of view. Mor-alistic and restrictive training procedures. based onperceiving the child's nature as inherently sinful, bad.or basically evil produce children who perceive them-selves as bad and behave accordingly. For example.it is destructive to teach children that certain thoughtsor feelings, such as anger. envy, or competitiveness,are unacceptable. Children need to learn that anythought or feeling is acceptable: on the other hand.they must learn to evaluate and control their behavior.Actions must come under scrutiny and relate to avalue system because they have external conse-quences, whereas freedom of thought and feeling arenecessary for children to understand themselves andcome up with creative solutions.PARENTS' NEGATIVE CHARACTERTRAITS AND DEFENDED LIFE-STYLESARE IDENTIFIED WITH AND IMITATED BYCHILDREN TO THEiR OWN DETRIMENTAs role models, parents exhibit many toxic per-sonality traits, behaviors, and life-styles that arepassed on to succeeding generations (Baer & Sher-man. 1964: Baer. Peterson. & Sherman. 1967: Ban-dura & Walters. 1963: Main & George. 1985).(1) Addictive parents transmit their addictivebehaviors and life-styles to their chile ren. In study-ing the relationship of substance abuse and otheraddictions, itis important to note the intergenera-18Joseph Richman ( 1986 describes (he destructiveness ol a closed family system in which ihe child "is alienated andisolated both outside the famil!, and within it It is that Lombination that often produces the particular pattern that islundamental to a suicidal resolution- (p. 133).Recent studies have shown that certain resilient children who experienced severe abuse and neglect, yet who developedfew symptoms as adults, usually had a significant othera relative, family friend, or teacherwho look an inierest inthem :ind provided them with support (Cohler. 1987).oThe Glendon Association11(310) 552-043112 tional cycle of these negative patterns.20 In spite ofparents' attempting to influence their children other-wise. children imitate parents' defenses.(2) Children incorporate and imitate parents'maladaptive approaches to life. For example. pa-rents who are suspicious and paranoid will pass on totheir offspring a paranoid orientation to life. Parents'prejudices toward women or men or people of otherraces or religions, and other ideas that predisposealienation. are taken on by children as part of theirbelief system. These negative attitudes, whether rac-ist, ethnic, or sexist, cause distrust among people andsupport an isolated self-protective posture that leadsto problems in the child's later relationships.(3) Children imitate their parents' self-deny-ing posture and assimilate their belief that per-sonal wants are "selfish" or undesirable. The resultis that most children progressively turn their backs ontheir wants and priorities, which is tantamount tosurrendering a basic part of their identity.(4 ) Children learn to be dishonest by observ-ing and imitating their parents' dishonesty. Para-doxically. parents who wish their children to developinto moral. honest adults often lack personal integrity.engage in corrupt business practices. or are deceptivein their own relationships. The dishonesty and doublemessages inherent in most couple relationships.where partners' actions contradict their words, alsodistort a child's sense of reality.(5) Finally, children learn to suppress "unac-ceptable feelings" of anger and fear imitative ofparents' repression and denial. Because of this.parents not only damage their children. but also un-knowingly prevent their recovery. In order to recoverfrom initial trauma. it is very important to be outwardand open about one's feelings. Not permitting chil-dren t

o cry. express anger. or talk about their feelingsperpetuates the misery and suffering (Lewis &Michalson. 1984).-IREASONS PARENTS DAMAGETHEIR CHILDRENMany theorists (Fontana. 1983; Garbarino &Gilliam, 1980: Kempe & Kempe. 1984; Laing.1969/1972; Miller. 1980/1984; Rohner. 1986; Shen-gold. 1989; and others) have dealt with the issue ofchild abuse and described its manifestations. Whileit is necessary and important to deal with child mal-treatment on a phenomenological level, it is not suf-ficient to merely point out the problem and documentits extent and pervasiveness. It is most important tounderstand the psychodynamics involved in the in-tergenerational cycle of child abuse (Firestone. 1988,1990). Emotional damage to children is multideter-mined (Belsky. 1980) and no single pattern is ex-planatory. However, there are many important factorsthat bear oil this issue:A. Parents have a fundamental ambivalence to-ward themselves and their children. They both loveand hate themselves, and naturally extend both feel-ings to their offspring. Most parents admit their nur-turing tendencies. but suppress or deny their negativefeelings or aggression.B. Parents tend to utilize their child to disposeof their self-hatred and the traits they dislike in them-selves by projecting them onto the child (Bowen.1978; Brazelton & Cramer. 1990; Firestone. 1990:Kerr & Bowen, 1989). In the process of projection.the child is basically used as a waste receptacle ordump'ng ground. Parents' negative attitudes, uncon-scious hostility, and coven malice are incorporatedby the child in the form of self-attacking thoughts orvoices.C. Most parents are unable to sustain consistentloving relationships with their children because thealiveness. spontaneity, and spirit of the child threatenparents' psychological defenses. Feeling deeply forthe child revives painful primal feelings from parents'own childhoods that were previously repressed.Moreover, close, personal contact with their childrenreminds parents of the preciousness and fragility oflife and tends to precipitate fears of potential loss.211Studies show that there are at least 22 million adults in this country who have lived with an alcoholic parent (Seixas &V(mcha, 195c). lite National Council on Alcoholism estimates that 3 million teenagers continue to he problem drinkersMacl )(maid. 1987). Claudia Black (1951) reports that "fifty to sixty percent of all alcoholics (a low estimate) have,orhad, at least one alcoholic parent. Alcoholism is a generational disease" (p. 4).21Wolfe (1957) underscores the importance ol the emotional concomitants of physical or sexual abusein adult individuals.which are frequently absent or implicitly contained in discussions of the impact of abuse on the child.(310) 552-043112The Glendon Association13 D. Parents mistake powerful feelings of despera-tion and emotional hunger for genuine love and con-cern for their children. Immature parents tend tomake demands for love. fulfillment, reassurance, andeven parentingfromtheir children, rather than offer-ing affection and love to them.'" The child growingup in this situation is drained by physical contact withthe emotionally hungry parent. Parents tend to com-pensate for the damage they sense they arc causing.very often by choosing to spend more time with theirchild. However, increased contact with a hungry,immature parent increases the damage to the child. Inaddition. an infantile adult acting parental not onlyincreases children's insecurity, but also confusesthem in their sense of reality (Firestone, 1990).E.The nature of traditional coupling fostersdependence and exclusivity in the parents' relation-ship that has a detrimental effect on the child. Informing a fantasy bond. each partner has been dimi-nished in his/her vitality, individuality, and sense ofself through the utilization of the other for purposesof security. Parents in this situation have very littleenergy to offer affection or direction to their children.F. One interesting existential issue often over-looked is that most parents have children for thewrong reasonas a defense against death anxiety, abid for immortality. Parents imagine, on some leve

l,that the child is an extension of themselves, and this"belonging" or merger imbues them with immortal-ity. However, this defense "works- only to the extentthat the child is essentially thesameas the parents inappearance. personality traits, behaviors, and de-fenses. The more the child isdifferentfrom the par-ems, the more he/she poses a threat to their illusionof immortality. Therefore. honconfonnity and indi-viduation are judged or perceived as "bad," whilesameness with, or submission to. one's parents is seenas good.G. In utilizing the child as a symbol of immor-tality, parents feel both the need and the obligation toimpose their own standards, beliefs, and value sys-tems on their children. They transmit their beliefs andvalues (and defenses) to childrenboth implicitly andexplicitly.that is. by example and direct instruction.Having been "processed- in this manner, most chil-dren grow up feeling alienated from themselves andfeel thin they have no inherent right to their own pointof view as separate human beings.CONCLUSIONIn summarizing, we have shown that emotionalabuse of children is widespread and has lasting ef-kcts. Apologists, or those who de-emphasize paren-tal influences, tend to base their explanations regard-ing die etiology of psychological disturbance on bio-logical or hereditary factors. However, as stated pre-viously. I feel that the damage to children is overde-termined by environmental factorsactual abusesthat injure the child's psyche. People who subscribeto the former explanation rely heavily on the conceptof temperamental differences. which detracts fromthe significance of parents' impact on a child andlessens their accountability for responsible child-rearing practices. However, even temperamental dif-ferences can be modified in a healthy environment.While it is true that increasing parental aware-ness can foster guilt reactions. nevertheless, whenawareness is carried to a more complete under-standing of the cycle, parents' guilt is actually dimin-ished. Indeed. the dual focus of our specialized par-enting groups on: ( I) parents' negative attitudes andbehavior toward their children. and (2) the negativeexperiences parents went through in their own child-hoods, help mothers and fathers to have more com-passion for themselves (Firestone. 1990).-3 Regain-ing feeling for themselves was the key element in thetherapeutic process that enabled them to alter theirchild-rearing practices in a positive direction.In terms of preventive mental hygiene. it is vitalto recognize the core issues involved in breaking thechain of emotional child abuse and to intervene.whenever possible, in cases where infants and child-ren are experiencing serious emotional problems andpsychological disturbance."4 In order toreallyhelpfuture generations of children, we must try to over-1 he authors distinction between emotional hunger and love, two very different parental emotional states and behavior,explains the dynamics underlying patterns 01 anxious attachment as compared to those ol secure attachment descnbedby liowlby 0971:1982) and Ainsworth. Blehar. Waters. and Wall (1978).lraiherg. Adelson. & Shapiro (1975/198(t) state: "Our hypothesis is that access to childhood pain becomes a powerfuldeterrent against repetition in parenting. while repression and isolation of painful al feet provide the psychologicalrequirements lor identification v. ith the betrayers and the aggressors.' (p. 195).The Glendon Association13(310) 552-043114 come our prejudices. develop an objective view ofdynamics in the nuclear family. and critically evalu-ate dehumanizing child-rearing practices that are anextensive part of our culture.REFERENCESAinsworth. M. D. S.. Blehar. M. C.. Waters. E.,& Wall. S. (1978). Patterns of attachment:A psychological study of the Strange situation.Hillsdale. NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.Altemeier. W. A.. Vietze. P. M.. Sherrod. K. B..Sandler. H. M.. Falsey. S.. & O'Connor. S.(1979). Prediction of child maltreatment duringpregnancy. Journal of the American Academyof Child Psychiatry, 18. 205-218.Baer. D. M., & Sherman. J. A. (1964).Reinforcement control of generalized imitationin young children. Journal of Expe

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