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Impact of Language on Survivors of Impact of Language on Survivors of

Impact of Language on Survivors of - PowerPoint Presentation

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Impact of Language on Survivors of - PPT Presentation

Loss Helping Clinical Professionals Clergy amp Gatekeepers use appropriate language with persons who are Survivors of Suicide Loss as they grieve What to Say How to Help Someone Coping with a Loss Due to Suicide ID: 504988

dealing grief tips loss grief dealing loss tips concrete children amp youth coping survivor journal comments supportive process language

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Slide1

Impact of Language on Survivors ofLoss

Helping Clinical Professionals,

Clergy & Gatekeepers use appropriate

language with persons who are Survivors

of Suicide Loss as they grieveSlide2

What to Say: How to Help Someone Coping with a Loss Due to Suicide

Donald P. Belau, Ph.D.

Lincoln/Lancaster LOSS Team

Clinical Director

d

onald.belau@doane.edu

402-759-0573Slide3

Overview

A way to deal with the Why??

LOSS Teams’ power of influence through interactions

7 K

eys

to Using Healing Language Role Playing--practiceTips in dealing with children & youth grief that can be shared with adult survivors

3Slide4

Why?

Sudden Death leading to the Unanswerable "Why?"

Trying to make sense of or understand sudden losses can be difficult. Survivors are left asking "Why?" "Why did this happen?"

4Slide5

Why?The suicide of a loved one are beyond anyone's control; they are a sudden, unexplainable loss.

5Slide6

Why?It is human nature to want to answer the question "Why?" yet it may be difficult if not impossible to find an answer.

Instead

the question "Why?" is more of a plea for meaning and understanding.

6Slide7

Ways to Help

There are many possible perspectives for coping with this difficult question:

When death has shaken your faith, "Why?" "Why must my life be filled with sorrow?" "Why?“ “Why did this have to happen?”

7Slide8

Ways to HelpThere are no pat answers.

No

one completely understands the mystery of death.

Even

if the question were answered, Would

the pain be eased, your loneliness less terrible? 8Slide9

Ways to Help

"Why"

is more

than a question.

It

may be an agonizing cry for a heart-breaking loss, an expression of distress or anger, disappointment, bewilderment, alienation, and betrayal. 9Slide10

Ways to HelpThere is no answer that bridges the chasm of irreparable separation.

10Slide11

Ways to HelpThere is no satisfactory response for an unresolvable dilemma.

Not

all questions have complete answers. Unanswered "Why's" are part of life.

11Slide12

Ways to HelpThe search

for answers may

continue but the real question might

be:

"How [do I] pick up the pieces and go on living as meaningful as possible?“12Slide13

Ways to Help

Assure survivors that is permissible to ask why as often as needed—until one day—the urge to ask why declines.

This may mean the journey of acceptance has began.

13Slide14

LOSS Teams’ Influence

Seeking help when you are ready is a sign of strength, and the ability to move forward.

LOSS Teams can facilitate this process by using language that has evidence to support the its use.

Training & practice of these language skills allows for the LOSS Team to be effective in assisting survivors in moving forward.

14Slide15

Ways to HelpHow does one know they are ready to seek help

?

Tricky question

Not really!!

Key is the LOSS team visit

15Slide16

LOSS Team Interactions

The visit of the LOSS team has multiple purposes & the language skills used can:

Instill hope by personalizing themselves

Inform as to self-care, coping & the uniqueness of grief

Provide a sense of connectedness

Offer support and referrals to resourcesUse of the power of invitationReduce self-imposed isolation

16Slide17

Hope

Hello, I am ………… I am sorry for your loss.

We are here to provide any support or answer any questions that you might have. Can I get you anything? What is the most pressing concern you have?

Each of us have lost someone to suicide, and are willing to share whatever time you need now and later, even if it is days or weeks from now.

17Slide18

Hope

What not to say---

I understand what you are going through.

He/She

is no longer in pain

Things will get better, I know it18Slide19

Self-care & Grief

Promote self-care by acknowledging the draw to drinking or self-medicating—but pointing out this can impair relationships, judgment, etc.

What do you do to relax? What are your interests, hobbies, etc.?

19Slide20

Self-care & Grief

Offer the idea of seeking help via support groups, counseling, faith leaders, friends, and family.

Speak openly that some will experience ‘grief bursts’, and that they will decrease with time

20Slide21

Self-care & Grief

What not to say:

It is ok to tie one on—you will feel better.

Crying is normal, everyone does it.

Everyone goes through stages of grief—over and over.

21Slide22

Connectedness

Explore safe conversation by connecting with visual artifacts or pictures

I see that your family/you liked to…..

Use observable strengths, talents, to build a bridge

22Slide23

Connectedness

What not to say:

I don’t see any pictures of …………

Were you close?

Any intrusive statements that could be viewed as probing

23Slide24

Support & the Power of Invitation

Ask for permission to follow up—

Would you mind if I or some member of the team check in with you?

There are support groups available, would you mind if I called you to see if you able to attend a support group with me or fellow LOSS team member?

24Slide25

Support & the Power of Invitation

What not to say

:

There is a support group meeting on ….. at ….

I will be checking up on you to see how you are doing

25Slide26

Reducing Self-imposed Isolation

Reinforce the power of connecting with others as this promotes healing and reducing the natural response to isolate with one’s misery and pain

26Slide27

Reducing Self-imposed Isolation

Engagement in simple activities, often with peers who have had losses as well will promote healing

Participating in

community-based walks and activities that draw attention to suicide prevention, and postvention activities.

27Slide28

Reducing Self-imposed Isolation

What not to say:

Everyone needs to get involved in something

If you don’t get active, you will suffer the consequences

28Slide29

7 Keys to Using Healing Language Slide30

7 Keys to Using Healing Language

Promote Respectfulness

Strive to be Nonjudgmental

Be calm & relax before engaging in the visit—take several deep, cleansing breathes

Use clear short phrases with emphasis upon open ended questions

Focus on listening with your inner earUse rich nonverbal communicationMonitor the emotion of the visitation experience & look for a safe, positive exit within a 45-60 minute period of time

30Slide31

Promote RespectfulnessSlide32

Strive to be NonjudgmentalSlide33

Be calm & relax before engaging in the visit—take several deep, cleansing breathesSlide34

Use clear short phrases with emphasis upon open ended questionsSlide35

Focus on listening with your inner earSlide36

Use rich nonverbal communicationSlide37

Monitor the emotion of the visitation experience & look for a safe, positive exit within a 45-60 minute period of timeSlide38

Practice

Role PlayingSlide39

Supportive Comments Focusing Upon Self-careSlide40

Supportive Comments

Letting the survivor know that there will be days that will drag on, painfully slow—that they can move through those days by focusing on one hour at a time, by reaching out even if they do not have the energy.

40Slide41

Supportive Comments

The power of normalcy is healing—using terms such as---”most people will feel drained”, most people find ways of connecting”

41Slide42

Supportive Comments

Looking to connect with the survivor builds bridges by commenting upon environmental clues to build a relationship.

42Slide43

Supportive Comments

If a survivor, explain briefly your loss.

43Slide44

Supportive Comments

If a clinician, acknowledge your interest

.

44Slide45

Supportive Comments

If a friend or peer, reach out with simple courtesy.

45Slide46

Supportive Comments

Finding a routine is critical

46Slide47

Supportive Comments

Consider journaling as a way to move forward through your grief and pain which allows healing to begin

Share your feelings and thoughts as often as you need

47Slide48

Supportive Comments

Others???

48Slide49

Supportive Comments Focusing Upon CopingSlide50

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

It is important for the grieving person to take care of him/herself following a sudden loss.

He/she is dealing with an event that is beyond his/her control.

50Slide51

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

One way of helping is to do things that help re-establish the person’s sense of control over their world.

It is also important to focus on the basics the body needs for day-to-day survival:

51Slide52

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

Maintain a normal routine.

Even if it is difficult to do regular activities, try to anyway.

Putting more structure into a daily routine will help one to feel more in control.

52Slide53

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

Get enough sleep, at least plenty of rest.

It may be helpful to keep lists, write notes, or keep a schedule.

Try and get some regular exercise. This can help relieve stress and tension.

53Slide54

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

Drink alcohol in moderation.

Alcohol

should not be used as a way of masking the pain.

Do what comforts, sustains & recharges.

54Slide55

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

Help the survivor remember

other difficult times and how

they have

survived them.

Encourage them to draw upon the inner strength which may be quiet for now, but can emerge.Remind them to take it one hour at a time, one day at a time when feeling panicked or overwhelmed.

55Slide56

Basics on Coping for the Survivor

Encourage them to keep a balanced diet.

Watch out for junk food, or high calorie comfort food binges.

Ask them to drink plenty of water.

Give them lemon drops which stimulates thirst

The survivor has been weeping, and needs to replenish their liquids. . 56Slide57

Children & Youth GriefSlide58

“A child’s life is forever changed and very different following a sudden traumatic loss of a loved one.”Slide59

Language with Children & Youth

A key is to anticipate developmental differences and to respond accordingly with verbal and nonverbal skills.

59Slide60

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Change creates loss and loss creates grief.

These changes can be frightening for children and teens.

60Slide61

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Children and teens may experience a wide range of emotions.

They need love and support to help them cope with the grief associated with change and loss.

61Slide62

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

All too often, many caregivers are too overwhelmed by their own shock, sadness and grief to notice their children are grieving too.

62Slide63

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

For children, as adults, there is no magic wand in overcoming grief.

63Slide64

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Grief is a process; it is as individual as the people going through it are.

The

stages of grief are not linear.

64Slide65

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

There will be ups and downs, peaks and valleys and the inevitable bumps in the road.

Shock, denial, anger, regression, guilt, bargaining and finally acceptance are the myriad of emotions that are part of the healing process called grief.

65Slide66

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Children’s Grief & Curiosity

A grieving child needs reassurance that he/she will be cared for and is loved.

It is important to take the time to discuss the loss with children in developmentally appropriate language giving no more than the information they asked for, which will allow them to process at their own speed.

66Slide67

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Children’s Grief

It is extremely important to listen

to the

child verbalize their fears, anger, confusion and doubts.

Grief and the feelings it evokes are natural responses to loss.

67Slide68

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Children & Youth should be encouraged to let their sadness out by sharing their thoughts, feelings and memories with trusted listeners.

68Slide69

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

One can become a trusted listener by encouraging them to express themselves though drawing, writing and sharing their feelings and thoughts; this can be enhanced through the process of keeping a journal.

69Slide70

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

For some children keeping a journal is a wonderful way to facilitate the grieving process.

Encourage them to draw about their feelings, to create "heart art."

70Slide71

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

Young children think symbolically rather than with the use of written words.

Pictures help to reveal a child’s thinking.

Drawing actually helps children find their words as they describe what they have drawn, or tell a story about the art.

71Slide72

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

In addition, journal exercises can provide opportunities for gentle discussions and can offer insights into a child’s fears and misconceptions.

Keeping a journal allows children to creatively express themselves.

Their drawings can be used as a springboard for caring conversations.

72Slide73

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

For children and teens, writing in a journal can give them permission to record their feelings and emotions.

It allows them to feel close to their loved one and remember happier times.

73Slide74

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

It also provides an opportunity to say good-bye.

This is a very important step towards acceptance in the grieving process.

74Slide75

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Adults may also want to work in their own journal with the youth as well.

Keeping a journal will provide an opportunity to record feelings, thoughts and memories of the loved one.

This simple technique is one of the most empowering and healing acts a person can do.

75Slide76

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

In the journal one can write about feelings of anger, guilt, confusion, resentment, the sadness, loss, fears, as well as feelings about the family and loved one.

76Slide77

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Youth Grief

Keeping a journal can create a tremendous modeling resource for children or teens: modeling desired behavior is a powerful teaching tool.

77Slide78

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

Creating a journal also can create a connection to the loved one.

The journaling process, like grief, is not linear.

78Slide79

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

Revisiting entries at a later time is an important step in being able to accept and go forward with your life.

Keeping a journal provides adults children and teens with a cherished piece of memorabilia that may be helpful to revisit periodically within the grieving process.

79Slide80

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

Creating a Memory Box or Memory Bag is a powerful method to maintain a connection for children & youth that can be with them for

years.

Many LOSS Teams provide such a method!

80Slide81

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Grief

Encouraging children & youth to participate in a peer group with others who have had sudden losses as well is a step towards healing by reinforcing the thought that they are not alone.

81Slide82

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Children’s Grief

Remember children are also experiencing life.

They are not in a "getting ready" phase.

They are "living it."

82Slide83

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Children’s Grief

Coping with the loss of a loved one can be one of the most difficult challenges adults and children will ever face.

83Slide84

Concrete Tips for Dealing With Children’s Grief

To understand the grieving process and to be guided through the stages of grief by the loving gentle hands of a caring, compassionate adult empowers children and teens and helps them to cope with the process more effectively.

84Slide85

Final Thoughts for Dealing With Children & Youth

Grief

Teaching our

children and youth

to cope with grief and loss provides them with important coping skills that will serve them well the rest of their lives.

Keeping a journal and developing Memory Boxes/Bags are simple, powerful tools for those facing difficult issues of the heart.

85Slide86

Donald P. Belau, Ph.D.

Lincoln/Lancaster

LOSS Team

Clinical Director

donald.belau@doane.edu

402-759-0573