Perhaps some of the extra extras might app ear as a flock of silly sheep ISBN 1 904930 49 2 COPYRIGHT RON NICOL 2005 Published by Spotlight Publications All rights are reserved including performances on s tage radio and television No part of this p ID: 73326
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\n \r \n\n \n \n \n \n \n CAST (in order of appearance) Squire Squibley, the handsome hero Gwendolyne Gumble, his beautiful fiancée Farmer Gumble, her worthy father Mistress Gumble, her equally worthy mother Grandmama Gumble, her unfortunately worthless grandmother Old Woman Cowardy Custard Cow Man with the Breeches First Villager Second Villager Third Villager Fourth Villager Fifth Villager The Wise Man or Wise Woman Villagers/Sheep(non/speaking)There can be more than five Villagers, and lines may be re-distributed as required; the ad-libs make sure that each Villager will have something to say, and those suggested may be allocated to specific players if desired. Perhaps some of the extra extras might appear as a flock of silly sheep. ISBN 1 904930 49 2 COPYRIGHT © RON NICOL 2005 Published by Spotlight Publications All rights are reserved including performances on stage, radio and television. No part of this publication may be copied by whatever means without the prior permission of the copyright owner. It is an infringement of the copyright to give any performance or public reading of the play before a licence has been issued. Drama groups must obtain a full acting set of scripts (a minimum of one script per speaking part plus one for the director) before a performing licence can be issued. The name of the author shall be stated on all publicity including posters and programmes. Programme credits shall state "script provided by Spotlight Publications". All enquiries to: Spotlight Publications, 259 The Moorings, Dalgety Bay, Fife, KY11 9GX. Tel. 01383 825737. Email: enquiries@spotlightpublications.com Website: www.spotlightpublications.com The actors enter, putting on various articles of costume, limbering up, doing voice exercises, checking their make-up etc. When ready, those not immediately involved exit, while the Squire and the Gumble family turn to the audience Squire Once upon a time, when folk werent as wise as they are nowadays, there lived a worthy farmer Farmer Gumble (bowing) Farmer Gumble. Squire And his gentle wife Mistress Gumble (curtseying.) Mistress Gumble. Squire And their only daughter. Gwendolyne (curtseying) Gwendolyne Gumble - and (smugly) being a very witty, extremely pretty, and incredibly winsome lass, Im being courted by handsome young Squire Septimus Algernon dArcy Maltravers Squibley when he comes home from his travels. Squire (bowing) Handsome young rich Squire Septimus Algernon dArcy Maltravers Squibley at your service. Gwendolyne Now, I live with my mother Mistress Gumble (curtseying) Thats me. Loving, warm-hearted and devoted to my lovely daughter Gwendolyne (curtseying) Thats me. Mistress Gumble And my dear husband Farmer Gumble (curtseying. The others cough) Oops. (He bows) Thats me. Diligent, hard-working, honest as the day is long, and devoted to my loving wife Mistress Gumble (curtseying) Thats me. Farmer Gumble And my lovely daughter Gwendolyne (curtseying) Thats me. Grandmama Can we get on? All this lovey-dovey nonsense makes me sick! They all turn and glare at Grandmama, then turn back and continue Squire Now every evening I stroll over from Squibley Hall Grandmama Excuse me. They all turn and glare at Grandmama All What is it? Grandmama What about me? All What do you mean? Grandmama What do you mean, what do I mean? All We mean - what do you mean, what about me? Grandmama I mean, what about me? All Who are you? Grandmama Thats what I want to know. Who am I? Gwendolyne (vaguely) Well, youre Mistress Gumble (vaguely) Youre Farmer Gumble (vaguely) You must be They gesture vaguely, look at each other, and shrug their shoulders Grandmama Exactly. All Ah! They gather in a circle to discuss the problem, while Grandmama stands aside Grandmama Here I am, all dressed up and ready to go, and nobody seems to know what Im supposed to be doing. (She looks at the group) Dont take all night about it. They turn and look at her, turn back, come to an agreement, shake hands, and take their places again Gwendolyne Now, I live with my mother Mistress Gumble Loving, warm-hearted and devoted to my lovely daughter and my dear husband. Gwendolyne And my father Farmer Gumble Diligent, hard-working, as honest as the day is long, and devoted to my loving wife and lovely daughter. Gwendolyne And my Grandmama They all turn and look at Grandmama Grandmama What? Gwendolyne Thats you. Grandmama Oh. Gwendolyne (patiently) I live with my mother, and my father, and my Grandmama They all turn and look at Grandmama Grandmama What? All (in unison) Thats you. Grandmama Oh! Gwendolyne (pointedly) And my Grandmama Grandmama (curtseying awkwardly) Thats me. Gwendolyne Very old, very grumpy, and very slow on the uptake. Grandmama Well I never! All Ssssh! Squire Now every evening I stroll over from Squibley Hall to see Gwendolyne and have supper in the farmhouse Gwendolyne And every evening I go down into the cellar to draw cider for our supper. Gwendolyne mimes going down stairs Farmer Gumble So this evening shed gone down to the cellar, and she happened to look up at the ceiling Mistress Gumble And there she saw a big wooden mallet stuck in one of the beams. Gwendolyne looks up, and mimes shock and amazement at seeing the mallet. There isnt one, of course - were pretending! Gwendolyne Well I never. That mallet mustve been there for ages and ages. Somehow or other Ive never noticed it before. How dangerous it is to have a mallet just there. Suppose me and my fiancé Squire Septimus Algernon dArcy Maltravers Squibley were to be married, and suppose we were to have a son, and suppose he was to grow up to be a man, and suppose he was to come down to draw cider like as Im doing, and supposing the mallet was to fall on his head and kill him, how dreadful that would be! She begins to cry. Mistress Gumble mimes going down stairs Mistress Gumble Lawks a mercy me! There I am, wondering why youre so long, and here am I come to see whats come to you, and here you are crying ever so hard. Whatever is the matter? Gwendolyne Oh, Mother! Its that horrid mallet! She points up. Mistress Gumble looks up and mimes shock and amazement at seeing the mallet Mistress Gumble Lawks a mercy me! Gwendolyne Suppose Squire Septimus Algernon dArcy Maltravers Squibley and me were to be married, and suppose we were to have a son, and suppose he was to grow up to be a man, and suppose he was to come down to draw cider like as Im doing, and suppose that mallet was to fall on his head and kill him, how dreadful that would be! Mistress Gumble Dear heart! How dreadful that would be! She begins to cry, while Gwendolyne redoubles her own crying Farmer Gumble mimes going down stairs Farmer Gumble Zounds! There I am, wondering why youre so long drawing the cider, and here am I come to see whats come to you, and here you are crying ever so hard. Whatevers the matter? Mistress Gumble Just look at that horrid mallet up there, husband! She points. Farmer Gumble looks up and mimes shock and amazement Farmer Gumble Zounds! Mistress Gumble Suppose our daughter was to marry Squire Septimus Algernon dArcy Maltravers Squibley, and suppose they were to have a son, and suppose he was to grow to mans estate, and suppose he was to come down to draw cider, and suppose that mallet was to fall on his head and kill him, how dreadful that would be! Farmer Gumble Dreadful indeed! He begins to cry, which makes Mistress Gumble and Gwendolyne cry even harder. After a moment, they all stop crying, turn, and look at Grandmama Grandmama What? Farmer Gumble Its you. Grandmama I know its me. Ive always been me. Who else would I be? Mistress Gumble Youre on. The Squire gives her a little push Grandmama Who do you think youre pushing? Squire Its your turn. Grandmama Oh, I see. Oops! Sorry, Im sure. The Wise VillagersPlot Summary Squire Squibley determines to search for sillier sillies than the woman hes to marry. He travels to the village of Gotham, where he finds sillies and silliness a-plenty. Based on an English folk tale. Though written with youth groups in mind, the play could be performed by mixed groups of young people and adults. Running time: 30 minutes