Special Session - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Special Session Scientific and Medical Writing

Mary Shibuya

World Heart Congress

Osaka 2017Slide2
Slide3

Welcome To OsakaSlide4

Birthplace: Faribault, MN College: (Northfield, MN) BA Chemistry Work: Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN

Japan

Excerpta Medica

Allergy & Immunology Research

Internal Medicine MaryShibuya.com Gunma Grad. School of Medicine

Employed by: Mary’s CVSlide5

thanks to thomas Lang for his advice, materials and encouragement.AcknowledgementsSlide6

How to avoid 1st Draft Errors with Mary Shibuya

Check for Common 1

st

Draft Errors To please the Reviewers, check: Appearance on submission (first glance)Throughout the manuscriptHeadingsParagraphing  Spelling from Title Page to Figure legendsSpell Check mishaps

Katakana to Romaji   Figures and Tables Calculate totals Legend labeling

Key

WHC Seminar

May 24, 2017

Writing style

Tenses

Topic sentences

Reference problems

Citations

Cover letter

Final

checklistSlide7

first-draft Errors …

Give plenty of reasons for

revision:

BOTTOM LINE

REJECTIONwhich can lead to publication errors:Slide8

first-draft Errors …Misspelling typosExclusions omission of factsSloppy writing of Methods lacking detail impossible to reproduce the

study

Give plenty of reasons for

revision:

BOTTOM LINE

REJECTION

which can lead to publication errors

:Slide9

first-draft Errors …Misspelling typosSpellcheck isn’t the answer (ex: lumber vs lumbar)Unbelievable errors

Give plenty of reasons for

revision:Slide10

1st Draft Errors All of the following must be checkedAppearance on submission (first glance)Act like a reviewer: Glance to spot check:Organization Layout (page numbering) Title page

(name order: first given > Family name) Abstract structure(structured or unstructured style) Length Style

(journal style) Citations (numbering and spelling)

ReferencesSlide11

1st Draft Errors All of the following must be checkedAppearance on submission (first glance)Be a reviewer: spot checkOrganizationTitle page name order, author orderaffiliation, addresses

Title Slide12

TITLE

points to keep in mind  Purpose: to attract readers and aid indexingConcise, Specific Clear

& should accurately describe the main point using the of words. Avoid phrases like: A Report of a Case of... The Treatment of... A Study of... The Effects of...

minimumSlide13

1st Draft Errors All of the following must be checkedCheck like a reviewer: spot checkOrganization Layout ParagraphsSlide14

Paragraph tips1 paragraph = 1 idea Give away the punch line early. Paragraph flow is helped by:logical flow of ideasparallel sentence structures

if necessary, transition words

Your reader remembers the first sentence and the last sentence best. Make the last sentence memorable. Emphasis at the end!Slide15

Shorter paragraphs are best … NOT shorter than 3 sentences, though.Lengthy paragraphs are ~tiring~ GOOD RULE: If a paragraph is longer than 1 PC screen … It needs to be divided!

Writing Good Paragraphs Slide16

ABSTRACT

points to check  Journal requirements: Instructions to AuthorsStructured Abstract Unstructured Abstract

If structured, what headings are to be used?Slide17

ABSTRACT

points to keep in mind  Concise: to attract readers and aid indexingWhat was done Why it was done How it was doneWhat it means in the field

NOT included in the Abstract: Reference citations tedious data statistics table / figure citationsSlide18

1st Draft Errors Points to checkVerbs of a scientific manuscriptSlide19

Verbs of an Original Manuscript (or case study)IntroductionMethods PastResults Past

Discussion

IMRAD

Introduction

:

Present



..induces __ / …is known….

Past



..to elucidate___, we studied

Abstract

verb form: combinedSlide20

Verbs of an Original Manuscript (or case study)IntroductionMethods PastResults

PastDiscussion

IMRAD

Discussion

:

Past



..we found

Present



..this shows ….

Present



Future study is necessary to confirm

….Slide21

Verbs of an Original Manuscript <Review>Abstract verb form combination

Introduction Methods Past

Results Past

DiscussionAbstract verbs as IMRAD

especially for a Structured Abstract

IMRAD

Present

Past

Past

PresentSlide22

Read your writing out loud

The

brain

processes

t

he spoken

word differently

than

the written word!Slide23

Do a verb check Watch for:Non-significant verbs (nouns used as verbs) Example:

Quantification of TNFα was performed using… TNFα was quantified

using…

Passive verbsBuried verbs

Underlin

e

th

e

mai

n

ver

b

i

n

eac

h

sentence. Slide24

Do a verb check Watch for:Non-significant verbs Example:

There are many students who struggle with physics.

Underlin

e

th

e

mai

n

ver

b

i

n

eac

h

sentence.

Many

students

struggle with physics.Slide25

Do a verb check Watch for:Non-significant verbsPassive verbs Example:

The reaction was

observed by her.

Underlin

e

th

e

mai

n

ver

b

i

n

eac

h

sentence.

She observed

the reaction.Slide26

1st Draft ErrorsSpelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legendsSpellCheck mishaps Slide27

1st Draft Errors Typos….. Which are actual words and not picked up by SpellCheck“lumber” instead of “lumbar”  lumber pain !“plane” instead of “plain” 

plane imaging !“sing” instead of “sign”  clinical

sings & symptoms!Slide28

1st Draft ErrorsSpelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legendsDouble letters Slide29

sagitaly / saggitaly / saggittally saggitaly +L sagittally Watch out for double letter words.Spelling:

sagittal (vertical plane)Slide30

1st Draft ErrorsSpelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legendsKatakana to Romaji Slide31

Predonisolone プレドニゾロン predonisolone prednisolone Watch out for　ド　 and other “katakana” parts of words in Japanese. Spelling

Practice

Slide32

1st Draft ErrorsSpelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legendsMethod names Slide33

Methods: spelling of names & plural Dennett’s

test was used to compare data obtained before and 8 and 12 weeks after diet intake while un-paired Munn-Whitney test was used for comparisons between two group. Dunnett’s test was used to compare data obtained before and 8

and 12 weeks after diet intake while unpaired Ma

nn-Whitney test was used for comparisons between two groups. Slide34

1st Draft ErrorsSpelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legendsAnimal or model namesPlurals Slide35

Plurals We induced epilepsy in wister rat by injecting Pilocarpine.

We induced epilepsy in the Wistar rats by injecting… OR in a Wistar

rat…We

induced epilepsy in the Wistar rats by injecting Pilocarpine.Slide36

1st Draft ErrorsReference problemsCitations Slide37

Check your reference CITATIONSDo you have “citations to nowhere”?Reference does not provide the proper information. Example:

Authors changed or enhanced the findings

from the

original source.Reference cites a secondary source rather than a primary source.

Authors mis-numbered the references.Slide38

Check your references Example:“These data are particularly disturbing as the UVC emission is even larger than ambient sunlight on a mountain (13,14).”Reference 13 = broken URL link; searching on the

site turns up no relevant

information

Reference 14 = contains no mention of ambient sunlight, mountains

, or UVC lightSlide39

Take-home message: Take Care with References & citationsAlways go back to the primary sources!Assume that other authors have made errors in citing sources!Double check name spelling. Your cited reference may be the journal referee. It’s not likely to be accepted if the referee’s name is spelled incorrectly!Slide40

Check your referencesSequential numbering of the citations in the text.Do the numbers agree with proper reference?Citation names: do they agree with the reference?Is the citation name spelled correctly?Slide41

Check your Citation Spelling Example:“…which, as the authors note, supports the proposed role of cycad in western Pacific ALS-PDC, a proposal first made by Whiting and Kruland (17,18),.. ”18. Kurland LT. An appraisal of the neurotoxicity of cycad and the etiology of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis on Guam. Fed

Proc 31:1540–1542, 1972.

Dr. Leonard Kurland

may have been appalled to see his name misspelled.Slide42

Citation Take-home message:

Always check the

spelling

of the authors cited

Compare and confirm that the citation number matches

the authorCheck that citations are sequentially listed including those in Tables and Figure legends.Slide43

Citation names CHL coracohumeral ligament Although Edelson

already discussed that CHL is a central element for suspending the humeral head due to its flexible strength and ‘strategic’ position8,… (note name problem) Reference 8. Edelson G, Obid E. The three-dimensional anatomy of proximal humeral

…Although

Edelson and Obid already discussed that CHL is a central element for suspending the humeral head due to its flexible strength and ‘strategic’ position8,… Slide44

Citations AND the following sentence meaning Polw previously reported a similar case (10). In this case, the uric acid… ???

[NOTE: the reader doesn’t know if you mean: 1) the case of Polw or 2) the present case ]

If 1

Polw previously reported a similar case (10). In that patient, the uric acid level was low. Polw et al (10) previously reported a similar case. In their patient, the uric acid level was low.If 2In the present case, the uric acid level wasSlide45

References incomplete/missing title 7. Seglen, P. O., 1973. Preparation of rat liver cells. II. Exp. Cell Res. 76, 25-30.

Seglen, P. O., 1973. Preparation of rat liver cells. II. Effects of ions and chelators on tissue dispersion. Exp. Cell Res. 76, 25-30.Slide46

1st Draft Errors  Figures and Tables Calculate totals Do they match the totals in the text?Legend labelingIs it the correct legend for that figure?SymbolsIs the key for your symbols correct?Slide47

1st Draft Errors   Figures and Tables Calculate totals for consistencySlide48

Check for consistency Example: Methods section“We followed participants for a minimum of 2 years”

Results section

“The average

follow-up time was 1.5 years” Slide49

Check for numerical consistencyDo the numbers in your abstract match the numbers

in your tables/figures/text

?

Do the numbers in the text match those in the

tables/figures?Do the numbers in each table/figure

match those in other tables/figures?Slide50

1st Draft Errors   Figures and Tables Legend labelingSlide51

Figure Legend: alignment and symbol The average of sound speed in the brown square area in (c) and (d) was 1632.0 m/s and 1598.3 m/s. (

ALSO check to make sure the square area is brown!)The average of sound speed in the brown square area in (c) and (d) was 1632.0 m/s and 1598.3 m/s, respectively.

Slide52

Figure 4 (note C and D)Slide53

Figure 4dThe average of sound speed in the brown square area in (d) was 1598.3 m/s. The average of sound speed in the red rectangular area in (d) was 1598.3 m/s. Slide54

Tables and Figures and Graphs Make sure the spelling is checked over and over.

Visually, as spell-check is not foolproof.Make sure the acronyms are defined. Separately in each Table.

Make sure the P values are properly marked and defined, as well as any other symbols, arrows and standard deviation bars. in

accordance with the journal instructions. Make sure the units are included with the title on both the abscissa and ordinate. well-known units or abbreviationsSlide55

1st Draft ErrorsTips to keep in mind

Cover Letter

Slide56

Cover Letter part 1 Dr. WT Craniarz (current editor, not previous)Editor-in-ChiefBiochemical and Biophysical Research Communications October 4, 2014

(current date, not when first drafted) Dear Dr. Craniarz, (correct spelling and title)Slide57

Cover Letter part 2aIntro: Please findPlease find enclosed our manuscript entitled, “Ubiquitination of misfolded proteins targets them for proteasome-mediated degradation

”, which we would like to submit for publication as an Original Article in Biochemical and Biophysical Research Communications. Slide58

Cover Letter part 2b1-2 sentences of background[information for the journal editor to clearly understand the background for the study,

which should lead to the specific objective(s) of the study. Try to identify the novel aspect of the paper and emphasize it.

DO NOT copy word-for-word from the manuscript and paste here.] Slide59

Cover Letter part 3 (Same paragraph as Background) 1-2 sentences of approach & main findings

[briefly describing approach of the study and highlighting the main findings]Next: Significance of the study (1-2 sentences) (practical applications)

In particular, explain the significance for this journal.

Sell the paper to the journal editor.Slide60

Cover Letter part 4COI (conflict of interest) Confirm that this manuscript has not been published elsewhere and is not under consideration by another

journal.All authors approve. The authors have no conflicts of interest to declare.

Please address all correspondence to: Generally journals request full address (including postal code and country), phone/fax numbers and email.Slide61

Happy Writing

Thank you for your kind attention

English for Journal Publication:

1

st

Draft Errors

How to Write, Publish, & Present in the Health Sciences: A Guide for Clinicians & Laboratory Researchers

by Thomas A.

Lang

Science Research Writing for Non-Native Speakers of English

by Hilary

Glasman

-DealSlide62

Enjoy OsakaSlide63

Tips on revisionRead your work out loudDo a verb checkCut extra wordsReview organization

Get feedback from othersGet editing helpSlide64

Checklist for final draft:Check for consistencyCheck for numerical consistencyCheck your

referencesSlide65

Submission & RE-submission

In general, most manuscripts

need revision RE: Reviewers commentsReply kindly to each comment individuallyIndicate the location of revised textInclude a NEW cover letterProofread your reply

Make sure your co-authors also read itTry to respond in timely manner (i.e. quickly)Slide66

Submission & RE-submission

Extremely

few

papers are accepted without revision RE: Reviewers’ comments Reviewers are professionals in the field, but….they are

busy professionalsthey may not be as up-to-date as your researchthey may not have much time to assess itthey are generally kind and helpfulLikewise, you should write respectfully in your Reply to the ReviewersIf you do not agree, write a kind explanation whySlide67

Good guidesHow to Write, Publish, & Present in the Health Sciences: A Guide for Clinicians & Laboratory Researchers by Thomas A. LangScience Research Writing for Non-Native Speakers of English by Hilary Glasman-Deal Slide68

Scientific Writing Checklist for the final draftSlide69

1st Draft Errors

Final Checklist

Slide70
Slide71
Slide72

Happy Writing

Thank you for your kind attention

Cutting

for Clarity & 1

st

Draft ErrorsSlide73

Happy Writing

Thank you for your kind attention

Cutting

for Clarity & 1

st

Draft ErrorsSlide74

Special Session Scientific and Medical Writing

Mary Shibuya

World Heart Congress

Osaka 2017

English for Journal Publication:

How to avoid 1

st

Draft ErrorsSlide75

Posters

Original

ManuscriptSlide76

4. Unnecessary jargon and acronymsmuscular and cardiorespiratory performanceGliomagenesismiR (microRNA)5. Repetitive words or phrases

studies/examplesillustrate/demonstratechallenges/difficulties

successful

solutions6. Adverbsvery, really, quite, basically, generally, etc.Common clutter, continued:Slide77
Slide78

Do a verb check Watch for:Non-significant verbs Passive verbsBuried verbs

A careful monitoring of achievement levels before and after the introduction of computers i

n the teachin

g of our course revealed no appreciable change in students’ performances.

Underlin

e

th

e

mai

n

ver

b

i

n

eac

h

sentence.

N

o

appreciable

change was

revealed

in

students’

achievement levels after the introduction of computers in our course.Slide79
Slide80

Mary Shibuya

World Heart Congress

Osaka 2017Slide81

English for Journal Publication: How to avoid 1st Draft Errors

Mary Shibuya

World Heart Congress

Osaka

May 24, 2017Slide82

Cutting for Clarity & 1st Draft Errors with Mary Shibuya

Cutting and/or Shortening

Unnecessary components

Terminology (i.e. use of acronyms)

PrepositionsNegativesAwkwardness (lengthy sentences, lose focus)Citations (shortening) for Figures & ReferencesMethods (technical procedures) Results (no repetition) (no repeating table data) Punctual aids Semicolon shortening aidCareful listing (colon)Parentheses for reader skimmingProper brackets 1

st Draft ErrorsPlease the Reviewers Appearance on submission (first glance)Throughout the manuscriptHeadingsParagraphing Writing styleTensesTopic sentences Spelling from Title Page to Figure legends

Spell Check mishaps

Katakana to

Romaji

Reference problems

Citations

Figures and Tables

Calculate totals

Legend labeling

Key

 Cover letter

Final checklist

JASMEE Seminar

March 6, 2016Slide83

How to avoid 1st Draft Errors with Mary Shibuya

Common 1

st

Draft Errors Please the Reviewers Appearance on submission (first glance)Throughout the manuscriptHeadingsParagraphing Writing styleTensesTopic sentences Spelling from Title Page to Figure legendsSpell Check mishaps

Katakana to Romaji Reference problemsCitations Figures and Tables Calculate totalsLegend labelingKey Cover letter Final checklist

WHC Seminar

May 24, 2017Slide84

Tips on revisionRead your work out loudDo a verb checkCut extra wordsReview organization

Get feedback from othersGet editing help

Checklis

t

fo

r fina

l

draft:

Check

for consistency

Check

for

numerical

consistency

Check

your

referencesSlide85

Paragraph tips 1 paragraph = 1 ideaGive away the punch line early. Paragraph flow is helped by:logical flow of ideas

parallel sentence structuresif necessary,

transition words

Your reader remembers the first sentence and the last sentence best. Make the last sentence memorable.

Emphasis at the end!

Shorter

paragraphs are best …

NOT

shorter than 3 sentences, though.

Lengthy paragraphs are

~

tiring

~

GOOD RULE:

If a paragraph is longer than 1 PC screen …

It needs to be divided!Slide86

Do a verb check Watch for: Non-significant verbs (nouns used as verbs) Example:

Quantification of TNFα was performed using… TNF

α was quantified using…

Passive verbs Example: The reaction was

observed by her. She observed the reaction.Buried verbs

Underline the main verb in each sentence. Slide87

Check your reference CITATIONSDo you have “citations to nowhere”?Reference does not provide the proper information. Example:

Authors changed or enhanced the findings from

the original

source.Reference cites a secondary source rather than a primary source.

Authors mis-numbered the references.

Always go back to the primary sources

!

Assume that other authors have made errors in citing sources!

Double check

name spelling. Your cited reference may be the

journal

referee.

It’s not likely to be accepted if the referee’s name is spelled incorrectly!Slide88

Check for numerical consistencyDo the numbers in your abstract match the numbers

in your tables/figures/text

?

Do the numbers in the text match those in

the tables/figures? Do the numbers in

each table/figure match those in other tables/figures?

Make sure the spelling is checked over and over.

Visually, as spell-check is not foolproof.

Make sure the acronyms are defined.

Separately in each Table.

Make sure the P values are properly marked and defined, as well as any other symbols, arrows and standard deviation bars.

in accordance with the journal instructions.

Make sure the units are included with the title on both the abscissa and ordinate.

well-known units or abbreviations

Tables and Figures and Graphs

Slide89

Submission & RE-submission

In general, most manuscripts need revision RE: Reviewers comments Reply kindly to each comment individuallyIndicate the location of revised textInclude a NEW cover letter

Proofread your replyMake sure your co-authors also read itTry to respond in timely manner (i.e. quickly)How to Write, Publish, & Present in the Health Sciences:

A Guide for Clinicians & Laboratory Researchers by Thomas A. LangScience Research Writing for Non-Native Speakers

of

English

by

Hilary

Glasman

-Deal

Goo

d

guidesSlide90

Predonisolone プレドニゾロン predonisolone prednisolone Watch out for　ド　

and other “katakana” parts of words in Japanese. Spelling Practice

Slide91

Cover Letter Dr. WT Craniarz (current editor, not previous)Editor-in-ChiefBiochemical and Biophysical Research Communications

 October 4, 2014 (current date, not when first drafted) Dear Dr. Craniarz, (correct spelling and title)

1) Intro: Please find enclosed our manuscript entitled,

“Ubiquitination of misfolded proteins targets”, which we would like to submit for publication as an Original Article in Biochemical and Biophysical Research Communications.2) Background for the study, which should lead to the specific objective(s) of the study.

Try to identify the novel aspect of the paper and emphasize it. DO NOT copy word-for-word from the manuscript.3) Significance of the study for this particular journal. “Sell” your paper to the editor.

4) COI. The authors have no Conflict of Interest All authors have read and approve the submission.5) Correspondence address: Full postal address (including the country, phone/fax, emailSlide92

Check Spelling throughout: from Title Page to Figure legends Double letters  saggitaly +L sagittally predonisolone プレドニゾロン

prednisolone

Katakana to

Romaji

Method names

D

u

nnett’s

test was used to compare data obtained before

and 8 and 12 weeks after diet intake while

un

paired

M

a

nn

-Whitney test was used for comparisons between

two

group

s

.

Animal or model

names and plurals

We induced epilepsy in the

W

ist

a

r

rat

s

by

injecting…