vs Reality Myths ANSWERS My mother the Queen of England Happy family finally Parents ecstatic to have me back in their lives My son Steve Jobs Familial community Finally knowing who I amwho they are ID: 557752
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Slide1
Reunion: Myth vs RealitySlide2
Myths…ANSWERS!!!
My mother the Queen of England
Happy family finally
Parents ecstatic to have me back in their lives
My son Steve Jobs
Familial community
Finally knowing who I am/who they are
Unconditional love and acceptance
Forgiveness and reconciliation
Ozzie and Harriet, Happy Days, the Partridge Family, etc.Slide3
FearsMy mother the drug addict homeless bag lady
My son the prisoner/addict/derelict/swindler
My a-parents will abandon me
I’ll break my parents’ hearts
S/he’ll be ringing my doorbell at 3:00am
S/he won’t want to know me/will hate me/will never speak to me/will leave town the minute I call/will reject me againSlide4
Then Reality…Tears/overwhelm/ecstasy/agony
Joy and celebration
Genetic sexual attraction
Honeymoon period
Abrupt disappearance
Gradual drawing away
Still talking but…Slide5
Now what?How do we make the most out of our
own
lives
with this added dimension of reunion?
How do we make the most out of our
reunion
with all its limitations?
What do we need to give up (ha – this is about adoption, right?) in order to enrich our experience?
What do we need to take on?Slide6
Ideas…Accept limits
Distinguish between how I WANT things to be and how they ARE
Pick up the phone
Find other pathways to love and acceptanceSlide7
More ideas…Stay in the present – the past is over and the future isn’t here yet
Abandon efforts to “fix” people or dynamics
Get help,
ie
, therapy*, counselor*, clergy*, support group, all of the above
*But choose with care, seek those with adoption expertise, not adoption issues.Slide8
More ideas…Talk to loved ones about your feelings and needsLet go of the idea that someone else can make you happy (or unhappy)
Make room for vulnerability – yours, and theirs