FORGIVENESS By Annie Machamire I. Introduction. People who live together step on one anothers toe all the time. Family - Siblings Church - Church office Work Pastors Session time Community AuntyJanet Bear with each other and
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FORGIVENESS By
Annie Machamire<br>
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I. Introduction. * People who live together step on one another’s toe all the time. Family - Siblings
Church - Church office
Work – Pastors – Session time
Community – Aunty/Janet
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3:13.<br>
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Meaning Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwix39ezh-TrAhVholwKHcylDEQQFjACegQIDRAH&url=https%3A%2F%2Fgreatergood.berkeley.edu%2Ftopic%2Fforgiveness%2Fdefinition&usg=AOvVaw1_0XglJw9SLzeu3jt2pUAz<br>
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Forgiveness & Christianity * Forgiveness lies at the very core of what it means to be a Christian.
Two identifying marks of a Christian: giving & forgiving John L. Mason p 68. You are Born An Original, Don’t Die A Copy ]
Sanctuary = object lesson on God’s love & forgiveness.
The plan of salvation centers on love and forgiveness.
God forgives you as you forgive. Mt 6:12, 14-15.<br>
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Common Excuses * He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. What he did to me is too much. Moreover he is not repentant.
I can’t afford to attend the same church with her.
He owes me an apology. I will consider forgiveness if he makes a public apology and pays for his sins.
Forgive? How many times should I forgive him?
Forgive? What guarantee do I have that she will not do it again?<br>
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II. Styles of Conflict Management (Shawchuck: Gangel & Canine). 1. Avoiding
Refuses to face reality. Adam & Eve.
Withdraws from conflict. Silence = golden. Jacob & Esau.
The long term effect is deep-seated hostility.
“Problems are like disease – the longer we refuse to face them the worse they get; and we may come to a stage when the disease is incurable and the problem insoluble”. (William Barclay)<br>
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2. Accommodating Preserves relationships at all costs. Eph 4:32.
Well managed relationships glue people together.
Relationships are more valuable than conflicting issues. Gen 13:8.<br>
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3. Compromising Strike a middle position.
Give & take or win-lose approach.
Characterized by patience and negotiation.
Considers “interests of others” Phil 2:4.
Strives to “be at peace with all men” 1 Thes 5:13.
The Big question is where is my colleague wrong?
The Important? is where am I wrong? Even if your colleague is 95% wrong & you are only 5%, apologize for your 5%.<br>
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Competing The philosophy of this style, “In a conflict you either win or lose.”
Make sure you win and the other person loses.
Aggressiveness, domineering & uncooperative spirit are at play.
Personal goals reign supreme.
Face conflict directly.
Persons using this style use other people as ladders to achieve personal ambitions.
They do not want change unless it is in their favor.<br>
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III. Forgiveness Involves 4 Elements * Injury: painful
Debt: the offender is indebted to you
Debt cancellation: helps offender to understand God. Rom 12:20.
Provision for bad debts: write them off. Ps 103:10-13; Jer 31:34.<br>
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IV. Jesus and Forgiveness. Matt 1:21 Reconcile then worship Matt 5:23-24
Paralytic. Matt 9:2
Zacchaeus. Lk 19:10
Woman caught in adultery. Jn 8
Thief on the cross. Lk 23:43
Those who crucified Him. Lk 23:34
Approach throne of grace with confidence. Heb 4:16<br>
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How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You 1: Move On – Don’t keep holding on to past
2: Reconnect to God - Prayer
3: Don't Go to Sleep Angry – Eph 4:26
4: Switch the Focus from Blaming Others to Understanding Yourself
5: Avoid Telling People What to Do – Do not command others
6: Learn to Let Go – Do not dominate (forceful)
7: Take Responsibility for Your Part
8: Let Go of Resentments.<br>
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How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You 9: Be kind instead of right
10: Practice giving instead of taking. Leave ego behind
11: Stop looking for occasions to be offended
12: Don’t live in the past – live in the present
13: Embrace your dark times
14: Refrain from judgement and criticism
15: Send Love<br>
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I. Who Initiates Forgiveness? * Adam & Eve
Cain
David & Bathsheba. 2 Sam 11
God initiates forgiveness. 2 Sam 12:7-8, 13.
Come now let us reason together. Is 1:18
Joseph & his brothers. Gen 45:5
He does not treat us as our sins deserve. As far as the east is from the west so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Ps 103:10-12.
6.<br>
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II. How Many Times Do You Forgive? Mahatma Gandhi: If we practiced ‘an eye for an eye’ & a tooth for a tooth the whole world would be blind & toothless.
Fairness & justice say. Tit for tat, One good turn, Early bird, Food for work, Stand for your rights.
Christianity is based on mercy.
Forgive 1st, 2nd, 3rdx - door of mercy closes. Start a fight.
Peter’s generous suggestion 7x. Jesus proposed 70x7. Matt 18:21.<br>
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“Do not repay evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.” 1 Pet 3:9,
Your Father’s house abounds in two gifts: love and forgiveness. You have a responsibility to share these with both friends and foes.<br>
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III. Tragedy in Enemy Camp Have you ever been wronged by a loved one?
You have several options at your disposal.
Stay away from offender & assume with time wound will heal.
Stand on imaginary elevated place, watch enemy live his life until some misfortune befalls him. Your response “Ahah, at last the Lord has fought my battles”. Enemy’s misfortune is cause for praise?
Endeavor to confront your enemy. Talk over your differences and forgive one another.<br>
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VI. Benefits of Forgiveness Forgiveness makes you Christ like. Lack of it breeds hatred. 1 Jn 3:15.
It brings the forgiver closer to God. Matt 6:12.
Reduces depression.
Sow forgiveness & reap peace, friendship & unity.
Forgiveness is not natural; it is a gift from the Holy Spirit.<br>
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VIII. E. G. White & Forgiveness E G White, What is the fate of those who refuse to forgive?
He who refuses to forgive is thereby casting away his own hope of pardon {COL 247.1}.<br>
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2. What is the basis of all forgiveness? We are not forgiven because we forgive, but as we forgive. The ground of all forgiveness is found in the unmerited love of God, but by our attitude toward others we show whether we have made that love our own {COL 251.4}.