Relational Aggression: Sugar and Spice But Not

Every Saturday night a girl in your class has a party. She invites all your friends but never invites you.

One Friday you wear a new dress to school and your best friend tells you on the way to class that it makes you look fat.

A girl in your class regularly starts rumors about people at school that are not true.

A group of girls is passing notes in class and when certain people raise their hands, all of the girls giggle.
Raskauskas & Stoltz (2004) Which of these are Normal?<br>

Childhood typically spent practicing caretaking and nurturing, e.g., with dolls

Best friends discover joys of intimacy and connection

Belonging to a peer group bolsters confidence and reinforces identity; protects the child from isolation and victimization Girls are Supposed to be Friends!<br>

Girls are deeply intertwined and threatened when faced with conflict or disagreement
Girls are socialized away from aggression; unprepared to negotiate conflict.
Minor disagreement can call an entire relationship into question
Anger can’t be voiced; they are not taught skills to handle conflict. In fact, they are more often taught to manage their anger and disappointment covertly
Passivity is reinforced by same-sex peer group
Adults minimize it as just “being girls” When there is conflict amongst friends….<br>

Girls often turn to romantic relationships to meet their unmet social-emotional needs (again, without the skills)
Associated with more stress or relationship violence in later heterosexual romantic relationships
Need to learn to work it out with same-sex peers first!

Pressure for romantic heterosexual relationships at a very young age

Puts girls at risk for victimization because they lack the social skills to negotiate the increased dependency or intimacy with older males Romantic relationships in girls<br>

Girls put more emphasis on establishing close and intimate connections

Girls are taught that aggression is unacceptable

With few outlets to be assertive (or aggressive), girls are socialized to hurt each other through damaging peer relationships

When girls are taught empathy and how to handle conflict appropriately, it lowers the chances of relational aggression In summary…….“So Why Are They so Mean?”<br>

Pro-social relationship develop with
Warmth
Attentiveness
Consistent and clear limits
Compliance rewarded
Careful monitoring of activities.

Teach child he/she is valued and provide safety; promote the development of skills as grow up The role of healthy parenting<br>

Failure to model pro-social skills and nurturance; failure to reward non-aggressive interactions
Consistent use of harsh and coercive punishment
Lack of supervision
Greater risk of victimization of girls (e.g., 1 in 4 sexually abused) When families are maladaptive…<br>

Peaks in the middle school years
Starts much younger, as early as 3rd grade
Shy or socially withdrawn children with depressive affect identified as future victims
When it occurs, intensifies negative, depressed affect which increases isolation and vulnerability

Female are more likely to fight with those with whom they have close relationships (family members, friends) When does it happen?<br>

Changes from protected elementary school with smaller student-to-teacher ratio

Fewer decision making opportunities, greater ability groupings (that segregate students), limited time to connect with teachers

Bombarded with images of “ideal” physical attractiveness, minimally recognized for achievements, and pressured for heterosexual relationships before psychologically ready

PRESSURE TO CONFORM Why is middle school so rough?<br>

Characteristically more submissive, shy, socially awkward, feel isolated.
Fewer close friendships to begin with
Higher depressive symptoms and social anxiety; “signals” students they are insecure and will not fight back
Higher fear of negative evaluation
Over time, with prolonged victimization, they experience PTSD (trauma from social manipulation), lower self-esteem, sense of less control in lives Who is at risk? Victims of Relational Aggression<br>

Victimization results in self-harm (intentionally hurt own body with any physical means) in multiple studies! Longer the bullying, greater self-injury

Earlier the age (7-10 years of age) it starts, greater the behavior seen, even when controlling for domestic violence and maladaptive parenting, pre-existing psychopathology, low IQ

Increases the risk for depression, loneliness and social isolation

Exacerbates the impact of adverse family environment

Associated with school failure, dropout, violent romantic relationships, teen pregnancy, becoming an abusive parent Long-term Impact of Bullying<br>

deliberate, direct, and self-inflicted destruction of body tissue resulting in immediate tissue damage, for purposes not socially sanctioned and without suicidal intent

That said, it is important to note that individuals with a history of self-injury are at higher risk for suicide thoughts, gestures, and attempts
****nine times more likely to report having made a suicide attempt at some point in their life. What is self-injury?<br>

Higher social status and positioned more centrally to their peers
Have more power and influence over others and a “need” to dominate
Perceived as more confident and popular, even if they don’t feel that internally
Believe that antisocial behaviors are acceptable: “it is okay to do this.”
Greater hyperactivity (in boys) The Mean Girl “Offenders”<br>

Have characteristics of both
More problems than non-victimized females with social anxiety and peer relationships; feel lonely
Have been bullied
Perpetrate socially aggressive behavior
Hold accepting attitude toward antisocial behaviors (allows them to participate without remorse) Provocative Victim:Bully/Victim<br>

Children with friends are less likely to be victimized
The group retaliates to protect their friends and scare away aggressor
Less frequently alone and less likely identified as a target
Friends provide advice on how to deal with aggressor
The “more” best friends the better
However, friendships that are fraught with conflict and betrayal leave children more vulnerable What can you do?Help create friendship groups<br>

Girls need to learn to embrace acts of assertion
Healthier relationships with aggression
Understand the feelings that precede anger and conflict (e.g., frustration, intolerance)
Don’t reward manipulation
Teach to confront, not to be conflict avoidance
Give the group assertiveness skills as protection What can you do? Help Girls Make Peace With Aggression<br>

Set clear behavioral expectations with rewards for compliance and sanctions for aggressive interactions
Increase teacher presence outside of classroom settings to monitor behaviors
Increase presence of peer mentors/mediators, who are visible
Teach conflict-mediating skills of active listening and compromise
Include transition programs to provide information to incoming students into middle school
Publicize your program Successful School Ingredients<br>

Friend to Friend Program (used more often with high risk girls)
PRAISE (Preventing Relational Aggression in Schools Everyday) (for all kids)
Social-cognitive training (learning to deal with anger)
Application of social-cognitive training to rumors and peer entry situations
Empathy building and perspective taking
Recognizing role everyone plays as a community (e.g., bystander involvement) Suggested Programs for Intervening with Relational Aggression<br>

Letendre, J. (2007). “Sugar and Spice But Not Always Nice”: Gender socialization and its impact on development and maintenance of aggression in adolescent girls. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 24: 353-368.
Malove, S.C. (2012). Using relational theory to treat adolescent girls victimized by social aggression. Clinical Social Work Journal. Published on line.
Leff, S.S., Waasdorp, T.E., Paskewich, B., et al. (2010). The Preventing Relational Aggression in Schools Everyday Program: A preliminary evaluation of acceptability and impact. School Psychology Review, 39, 569-587. Some good academic references<br>