Advanced Ally Skills Workshop - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Advanced Ally Skills Workshop

Valerie AuroraDr. Sheila Addisonhttp://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills-workshop/

CC BY-SA

Frame Shift Consulting LLC, Dr. Sheila Addison,

The Ada InitiativeSlide2

Format of the workshop

30 minute introduction45 minute group discussion of scenarios10 minute break

90 minute group discussion of scenarios

5 minute wrap-up

~3 hours totalSlide3

Dr. Sheila Addison

LMFT in private practice in BerkeleyProfessor in various graduate programs in the Bay Area since 2007Lead author of articles & chapters on LGBTQ mental health, work with diverse couples, & white privilege in therapy

Sheila AddisonSlide4

Valerie Aurora

Founder Frame Shift ConsultingCo-founder and executive director of the Ada Initiative, non-profit for women in open tech/cultureLead author of code of conduct used by thousands of conferences

Valerie AuroraSlide5

Valerie Aurora

10+ years volunteer work with Geek Feminism, etc.Taught ally skills to over 1000 people in Spain, Germany, Australia, Ireland, Canada, Mexico, New Zealand, U.S.Linux kernel and file systems developer for 10+ years

Valerie AuroraSlide6

Let’s talk about technical privilege

We are more likely to listen to people who "are technical"… but we shouldn’t be"Technical" is more likely to be granted to white men

If you have technical privilege, use it to end technical privilege!

https://frYERZelic.kr/p/ CC BY @sage_solarSlide7

What is an ally? Some terminology first:

Privilege: an unearned advantage given by society to some people but not allOppression:

systemic, pervasive inequality that is present throughout society, that benefits people with more privilege and harms those with fewer privilegesSlide8

What is an ally? Some terminology first:

Target: someone who suffers from oppression (also called "a member of a marginalized group")Ally: a member of a social group that enjoys some privilege that is

working to end oppression

and

understand their own privilege

ActionsSlide9

Example

Privilege: The ability to make decisions about your own body, including choosing safe, effective medical treatments that improve your health and quality of lifeOppression: The self-reinforcing system of stories, TV, news coverage, and legal system that stereotypes women, trans and gender nonconforming people, and higher weight people as not to be trusted to make medical decisions for themselvesSlide10

Example

Target: Any woman, trans or non-binary person, or higher weight person who needs medical careAlly: A cis man who donates to abortion rights groups, asks their political representatives to support funding for gender affirming surgery, asks doctors to remove fatphobic literature from their office, and reads news articles about people who have been denied medical treatment for sexist, transphobic, or sizeist reasonsSlide11

Can you act as an ally?

Depending on the situation, you may have some unearned societal advantages if you are:

Ethnic majority

Male

Cisgender (more later)

Straight

Not disabled

A legal resident or citizen

Speak certain language(s)

Specific ages

Certain height/size/shape

Not a mother

Not a caregiver

Educated

Technically experienced

Wealthy (can be earned)

From an upper class family

High caste

And many more...Slide12

Why should allies take action more than targets?

"[...] Ethnic minority or female leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are penalized with worse performance ratings; whereas [ethnic majority] or male leaders who engage in diversity-valuing behavior are not penalized for doing so."

David Hekman, Stefanie Johnson, Wei Yang & Maw Der Foo, 2016

Does valuing diversity result in worse performance ratings for minority and female leaders?

http://amj.aom.org/content/early/2016/03/03/amj.2014.0538.abstractSlide13

Intersectionality

Legal scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw coined the term "intersectionality" for the concept that people can be subject to multiple, overlapping forms of oppression, which interact and intersect with each otherOppression is not one-dimensional

We can't advance one group by pushing another group down - many groups overlap, and all interact with each otherSlide14

Intersectionality

Most people have some privileges and some disadvantagesIt is usually easier for us to notice when our disadvantages are “in play” than our privileges Example

: A queer white Jewish cisgender man who has a slim build may be more aware of instances of heterosexism and anti-Semitism than he is of racism, transphobia, or sizeism Slide15

What this workshop is not

A certification, an apology, or a "get-out-of-jail-free card"Representing anyone's employer or giving legal advice

Time to discuss whether oppression exists, is bad, should be stopped, etc.

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com

https://flic.kr/p/97JC

CC BY Mark StrozierSlide16

Format of the rest of the workshop

Some terminologyDiscussion guidelinesBasics of ally skills

Group discussion of real-world scenarios

Wrap-upSlide17

What if I make a mistake?

Apologize, correct yourself, and move on.Slide18

Vote: what topics to cover?

GenderSexualityBody size

Race and ethnic group

Disability

Religion, class, caste, family or caregiver role, ageSlide19

Exception to "don't use" list of terms

Members of any marginalized group can agree to call themselves whatever they wantBut outsiders should not assume they can use the same termsSlide20

Terminology: gender

Cis: your gender is the same as the gender that was assigned to you at birthTrans: your gender is different than the gender that was assigned to you at birth

Non-binary or genderqueer:

"male" or "female" doesn't describe your gender accuratelySlide21

Terminology: gender

Use they instead of "he" for third person singular pronoun of unknown genderMen for cis and trans men,

women

for cis and trans women,

non-binary people/folks, cis men, trans men, cis women, trans women

People of all genders, folks, people, everyone, all, y'all, all y'all, yinz...Slide22

Please don’t use:

Girls for women 18 years of age and overGuys for groups that are not all men - people disagree on gender of "guys" so just avoid it

Ladies

- associated with "proper" (i.e., subservient) behavior

Females

for humans - used for animals and plants too, so it is dehumanizingSlide23

There’s a Chrome extension by Zoe Quinn

Slide24

Please don’t use:

Transsexual - not inclusive of all trans peoplePeople with [BODY PART or CHROMOSOME] instead of "men" or "women,” unless you’re talking specifically about a subject to do with the body part (e.g. circumcision, menstruation, etc.)Slide25

Terminology: sexuality

Straight for women attracted primarily to men or men attracted primarily to womenGay for men or women attracted primarily to people of the same gender as themselves

Lesbian

for women attracted primarily to womenSlide26

Terminology: sexuality

Bisexual or pansexual for people attracted to people of any gender (debate on-going)Asexual for people with little or no sexual attraction to people of any gender

Queer

for people who aren't either "straight cis woman" or "straight cis man"

Slide27

Discussion guidelines for body size

Use neutral descriptions: “higher weight,” “lower weight,” “larger body,” “

smaller build

,” “

medium size

”

Don’t use terms that equate size with health or medicalize body size: “

healthy weight,” “obese,” “struggles with his weight”

Don’t use terms implying a desirable weight: e.g. “

normal weight

,” “

overweight

,” “

too skinny

”Slide28

Discussion guidelines for race and ethnic group

Use the term(s) for each ethnic group or race that the majority of that group prefers that outsiders useAvoid abbreviations - just say or write the full nameDon't use euphemisms - e.g., "ethnic," "urban," "inner city," "from the banlieues" (French for "suburbs")

If uncertain about term to use to refer to a specific ethnic group,

ask!

Slide29

Discussion guidelines for disability

Use abled person, disabled person, or person with disabilities

Don't use as metaphors or non-literally:

ADD/ADHD, autism spectrum, schizophrenic, bipolar

...

Don't use at all:

lame, dumb, stupid, crazy, retard, etcSlide30

Discussion guidelines for disability

Alternate words: "foolish," "thoughtless," "inconsiderate"

Or a specific adjective like "

crowded

," "

disorganized

," or "

annoying"

CC BY Snowqueen1426

https://flic.kr/p/cm716YSlide31

Religion and politics

Speak respectfully about religious or spiritual beliefs (but you don't need to be respectful of bigotry or intolerance)https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_toleranceAny argument presenting political beliefs as equivalent to religion, sexuality, etc. is wrong

You don't need to be respectful of bigoted or intolerant political beliefsSlide32

Discussion guidelines for class, age, family role

Don’t use stereotypes about people with working class jobs (e.g. security, janitor, cafeteria worker), members of a caste, adults of particular ages, or family members or caregivers (mother, grandparent, etc.)Don't use euphemisms - e.g. "underprivileged" to mean poorSlide33

Help us create a safer space

You may leave or return at any time, for any reason, without explanationThis workshop is not recordedEveryone is here voluntarily

Please anonymize if you repeat sensitive stories

Share at the level of people you just met at a conferenceSlide34

Awkward...Slide35

CC BY terren in Virginia https://flic.kr/p/6HpEEFSlide36

CC BY yvonne n on Wikimedia CommonsSlide37

CC BY-SA 4028mdk09 on WIkimedia CommonsSlide38

Basics of ally skills

Be short, simple, firmDon't try to be funnyPlay for the audience

Practice simple responses

Pick your battles

CC BY-SA John Lilley https://flic.kr/p/aj1B2bSlide39

While you're trying to help one group, don't be:

sexisthomophobic

transphobic

racist

ableist

classist

ageist

body-shaming

and don't describe people as sexually undesirable, unattractive, etc.

CC BY-SA Alan Levine https://flic.kr/p/9dgohASlide40

DREADED GROUP CHOOSING TIME

Form groups of 4 - 6 peopleGroups that are more diverse have better discussionsChanging groups at breaks is encouraged

Say your name, your position, and your pronouns (she/her/hers, he/him/his, they/them/theirs)

If everyone in the group has the same pronouns, tell the instructorSlide41

Preparing for group discussion

Choose a gatekeeper to interrupt people who are speaking too much and ask people who aren't talking as much if they want to speakFeel free to gate-keep the gatekeeper

At the beginning of a scenario, choose someone to report-out

CC BY TANAKA Juuyoh (田中十洋)

https://flic.kr/p/bVnHL6Slide42

A few more tips for group discussion

Avoid rules-lawyering: "But what if there was some specific highly unlikely circumstance in which this situation was not actually bad?"If you're not sure of the situation, pick one (or more) interpretations and discuss it

Focus on

how to respond to incidents as an ally

in this specific incident, not as the target or in the general case

Slide43

A co-worker shares an article on an internal mailing list showing that people who voted for Trump are more likely to be racist and sexist. Another co-worker objects, saying that we have to be tolerant of co-workers with different political views because diversity of thought is important too.Slide44

"Paradox" of tolerance

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox_of_toleranceA tolerant society must be intolerant of one thing: intoleranceSupport free speech by suppressing speech that attacks the foundation of free speech

Advocating for the removal of rights (voting, bodily integrity, etc.) based on identity attacks free speechSlide45

You are eating lunch in the employee kitchen when a group sits down near you. One person comments loudly “If I ate that, I’d be as big as a house!” A higher-weight coworker is sitting nearby and can clearly overhear.Slide46

The effects of weight discrimination at work

“Fat talk/diet talk” is seen as bonding but creates a hostile environment for other employeesHigher weight people face workplace discrimination, particularly women, regardless of ability to do the job

Body size is falsely equated with virtue: self-control, hard worker, in good health

Workplace “health initiatives” infuse fatphobia and discrimination into the workplaceSlide47

A disabled colleague of yours complains when the access ramp to your building is blocked by bicycles again. Another coworker says, "Why is he so angry? It's unprofessional. If people would be more reasonable, they would get what they ask for more often."Slide48

Reframing

Often people frame discussions or questions in such a way as to leave out the context of systemic oppressionLearn to recognize when this is happening (often a gut feeling of "this is wrong") and refuse to accept it

Widen the context until systemic oppression is included and then restate with the new framingSlide49

Tone policing/The "tone argument"

When people speak up in support of oppressed groups, it makes people in the dominant group feel guilty and sadA common response is to ask the people speaking up to not hurt the feelings of the dominant group

Often this uses the word "angry" and especially "tone"

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Tone_argumentSlide50

You go into work the day after another high-profile police shooting of an unarmed Black person. A Black colleague of yours arrives, looking distraught.Slide51

How to support colleagues

When being an ally, don’t make it about yourself and your feelings“Ring Theory”: Comfort in, dump out (http://tinyurl.com/ringtheory)

Make sure your expression of support doesn’t come wrapped in a request to do emotional labor (e.g. explain things to you, process with or comfort you, validate your ally-ship, suggest ways to take action)

Slide52

How to support colleagues

Sincere, other-focused comfort (e.g. “I’m thinking of you)Offer specific help in an unobtrusive wayDon’t derail discussions about the topic

Donate money in ways that helpSlide53

A Black person in your community points out that a conference in your community has all white speakers, using a social media platform you are active on. Several other people criticize them for being too abrasive, aggressive, loud, out of line, etc. Slide54

Tip: Charles' Rules of Argument

Don't go looking for an argumentState your position once, speaking to the audience

Wait for absurd replies

Reply one more time to correct any misunderstandings of your first statement

Do not reply again

Spend time doing something fun instead

http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Charles%27_Rules_of_Argument

Slide55

You are in charge of enforcing the code of conduct in an online chat room. A woman of color says "I hope they are done sucking his dick," in reference to supporters of an openly racist politician. When two white people point that out her comment violates the code of conduct, she complains to you, saying white people calling her out is racist and her comment wasn't sexist or homophobic anyway.Slide56

Tip: Don't play in the Oppression Olympics

Theory: People can be placed in order from most to least oppressed, and more oppressed people are morally superior and cannot oppress less oppressed people Some people compete for "most oppressed" status

Reality: intersectionality theory shows that oppression isn't one-dimensional or linear (see Kimberlé Crenshaw's work)Slide57

A vice president in your reporting chain presents himself as a champion of diversity. At the same time, he talks over people of color in meetings, refuses to assign coveted projects to a new mother when she returns from maternity leave, and "compliments" women who report to him on their physical attractiveness.Slide58

Tip: Collective action

Gossip is what we call networking when done by lower power peopleShare information widely, anonymously if necessaryConnect with other people who want to fix this problem

Shun and avoid the problem person

Slide59

A colleague of yours complains that since she transitioned to female at work, she has been consistently interrupted during meetings, particularly by a cis male colleague on your team who happens to be Southeast Asian.Slide60

Effective and just meetings

Good meetings have the following roles:FacilitatorTimekeeper

Notetaker

Gatekeeper

https://frameshiftconsulting.com/speaking/#meetingSlide61

Advanced ally skills

Remember the Paradox of TolerancePractice reframing to include the context of oppressionFollow your discomfort: if something makes you feel bad, find out more and understand why before reacting

When you make a mistake, apologize, correct yourself, and move onSlide62

Ally Skills Workshop

http://frameshiftconsulting.com/ally-skills-workshopFrame Shift ConsultingSlide63

Online slides

Slide64

A few more tips for group discussion

Online discussion tends towards no one speaking at all - please speak up more often than usualGatekeeper: please kick off discussion with "Who wants to start?" or "Any thoughts?"

At the beginning of each scenario, choose someone to take notes and report out what you discussed during each discussion (this person can and should change)Slide65

DREADED GROUP FORMING TIME

In a minute, the instructor will form you into groups of 4 - 6 people using the Zoom breakout room featureYou will get a pop-up inviting you to join the room

When time is up, you will get a 60 second warning before rejoining the rest of the group - keep talking till the end

Don't sign out during breaks!

Slide66

Welcome to the online Ally Skills Workshop!

Please take a moment to do the following:Use headphones if at all possible!

Rename yourself: click on "Participants," mouse over your name, click on "Rename," and type in the name and pronoun you want other people in the meeting to use. Example: "Valerie (she)"

See chat for URLs for the handout and online tips & tricks:

http://files.frameshiftconsulting.com/AllySkillsWorkshophandout-USplus.pdf http://files.frameshiftconsulting.com/AllySkillsWorkshop-onlinetips.pdfSlide67

Break time

Do not sign out of the Zoom meeting!Please return in 10 minutesYou will be assigned to new groups on return

Use the chat feature to message the instructor privately if you have any comments or requestsSlide68

Alternate oppression examples

Slide69

Example

Privilege: The ability to walk into a convenience store and have the owner assume you are there to buy things and not steal themOppression: The self-reinforcing system of stories, TV, news coverage, and legal system stereotyping Black people as criminals, that benefits non-Black people and harms Black peopleSlide70

Example

Target: Any Black person who wants to enter a convenience storeAlly: A non-Black person who donates to legal system reform organizations, actively objects to racist stories, votes in anti-racist ways, and reads news articles about this privilegeSlide71

Alternate scenarios

Slide72

You are one of the interviewers for a person applying to a software engineer position. You notice that their resume says they graduated from university 20 years before anyone else on the team. In the hiring discussion, a coworker says, "Do you think they have enough energy to keep up with the rest of us?"Slide73

You're watching two colleagues play ping pong. One is black and one is white. When your black coworker scores, he pumps his fist and puts his arms in the air. Your white coworker jokingly tells him to stop making gang signs.Slide74

Your company has an unusually high percentage of women in technical positions at the individual contributor level. However, the percentage of women declines at each level of responsibility above that, and the C-suite is all men.Slide75

You learn you are interviewing a candidate for a job at your company. From their resume and the little you can find on the Internet, you aren't sure what their gender or pronouns are.Slide76

You promote a straight man to manager, reporting to you. 6 months later, you realize you have approved transfers for 3 of the 4 women and the only openly gay man who report to him. When you ask the remaining woman, she says it's just a coincidence. The only thing you remember is him making homophobic jokes while drinking, which he apologized for the next day.

Slide77

Myths about alcohol and bad behavior

The immediate physiological effects of alcohol are:Loss of coordinationSleepiness

Difficulty multi-tasking

Everything else (violence, sexual advances, rude comments) is voluntary and under conscious control:

http://www.sirc.org/publik/drinking4.htmlSlide78

How to counter cultural messages about alcohol

Don't serve alcohol at all (surprisingly popular!)Serve high quality non-alcoholic beveragesServe at same stations with same prominence

More tips on serving alcohol in an inclusive manner, by Kara Sowles:

https://modelviewculture.com/pieces/alcohol-and-inclusivity-planning-tech-events-with-non-alcoholic-optionsSlide79

A coworker comes out as trans woman. Another coworker, assuming you are cis, starts complaining to you privately, saying, "It's so inconsiderate to expect everyone to remember to use his new name and gender. Why can't people just be happy with what they were born with?"Slide80

Tip: Read Captain Awkward

Advice blog that answers questions on social interaction from an awkward, geeky perspectiveGreat for "How do I get someone to stop doing something without upsetting anyone?" type of questions (hint: someone is already upset)

http://captainawkward.com

Slide81

You are a manager at your company and are reading performance reviews for your reports. The feedback for several women include comments like "Needs to work on her communication style," or "t

oo aggressive." Other

s are vague and non-specific.

Fewer men's reviews have the same problems.Slide82

Hint: it’s not the women

"When we analyzed a sample of performance evaluations of men and women across three high-tech companies and a professional services firm, we found that women consistently received less feedback tied to business outcomes. [...] 76% of references to being "too aggressive

"

happened in women’s reviews, versus 24% in men’s."

Shelley Correll and Caroline Simard, https://hbr.org/2016/04/research-vague-feedback-is-holding-women-backSlide83

Why talking about sex at work is harmful

Double standard for straight sex and gay sex"Family size" talk can be racism & religious discriminationSome racist stereotypes are about sex or genitals

Fertility, pregnancy, adoption can be highly emotionalSlide84

Why talking about sex at work is harmful, cont'd

Strong pressure to "be cool" about sexAssumes parents are cis and straightDouble standard for sex for men and women

Sex talk => objectification & harassment of women

Take-away: Save talking about sex for outside of workSlide85

In your weekly team meeting, the only woman of color takes the notes for the fourth week in a row, even though that's not part of her job description. When you comment on this to her, she smiles wryly and says, "Guess who picks up dirty cups after parties and organizes birthday cards too?"Slide86

You're watching two colleagues play ping pong. One is black and one is white. When your black coworker scores, he makes a celebratory gesture. Your white coworker tells him to stop making gang signs.Slide87

A straight coworker and a queer coworker are both getting married soon and are talking about their honeymoon plans. Shortly afterwards, another coworker complains privately to you, saying your queer coworker shouldn't talk about sex so often because she doesn't want to think about them having sex with their same-gender partner.Slide88

At a happy hour, a younger colleague pulls you aside and starts to cry, explaining that another one of your coworkers repeatedly tried to reach under her skirt. The happy hour is not sponsored or organized by your company.Slide89

Tip: Speak for yourself, not others

You can speak up against oppression against a group you aren't part of, without claiming you are doing it on behalf of another person who is part of the group.Right: "Don't do that because I think it is wrong."

Wrong:

"Don't do that in front of Joe!" "That's very offensive for [people in group]." "I'm sure that hurt Jane."Slide90

A Latina co-worker wears a colorful dress to your annual all-hands meeting. When she's not around, several male co-workers start commenting on her clothes and makeup, and rating her attractiveness compared to other women co-workers.Slide91

At a work-related party, a co-worker who has had a few drinks pulls you aside and drunkenly complains about how unreasonable it is to expect everyone to use new names and pronouns for a co-worker who has just come out as trans.Slide92

Slides for European workshops

Slide93

Example

Privilege: The ability to interview for a job and have the interviewer assume that if you have children, you will continue doing a good job at workOppression: Family members’ expectations that women take on most of the childcare, fathers using paternity leave for things other than childcare, belief that mothers don't want to return to full-time paid workSlide94

Example

Target: Any woman who wants to work for pay for an employerAlly: A man who takes on significant childcare responsibilities, donates to women’s causes, uses paternity leave for childcare, speaks up at work against stereotypes about mothers, and reads news articles about privileges fathers enjoy and mothers don'tSlide95

Let's talk about "political correctness"

This is a dismissive, hurtful, rude term invented by racist, sexist, homophobic people who are part of the right-wing political establishment in the United StatesAlso beloved by some angry white male professors, famous comedians, well-published pundits...

Don't use this term

unless you are putting it in "air quotes"Slide96

A male coworker often insists on helping women more than men: opening doors, taking boxes they are carrying away from them, giving advice on their personal lives. When asked, he says it is because he respects women and views them as the source of human life.Slide97

"Benevolent sexism" is also harmful

Belief that women need to be protected implies that women are weaker, childlike, and subservientBelief that women are ethically better or more socially skilled implies that men are expected to and can be excused for doing wrong or being rude

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambivalent_sexismSlide98

On a mailing list in your community, someone uses the term "asylum shopping" to refer to refugees fleeing conflict in Syria.