Somerset Emotion Coaching Project - PowerPoint Presentation

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Somerset Emotion Coaching ProjectSlide2

Part 1Why do we need it? Part 2What is it?Part 3How do we do it?

Emotion CoachingSlide3

Feelings MatterWatch this clip:Are you disrespecting me?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV1zK8zRCPo&feature=channel (3 min Lauren in the French class)Whilst watching:Identify the feelings going on underneath the behaviour ina) The pupilb) The teacher

The importance of a meta-emotion philosophy(Gottman, 1997)

Feelings matterSlide4

Distress Fear Surprise Anger Disgust Joy

Innate , hardwired and universal

Emotional responses

image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.netSlide5

Our brains

CLIP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gm9CIJ74OxwSlide6

Emotion Coaching helps to build 2 key mechanisms Social Engagement SystemAbility to interact with othersAbility to understand othersAbility to make sense of social relationshipsAbility to enjoy social relationships= Self-regulation of behaviour

Stress Regulation SystemAbility to regulate stress of lifeAbility to regulate feelings

Ability to regulate social engagementsAbility to regulate stress of learning= Self-regulation of emotions

= Self-regulated learning

(Porges, 2011)Slide7

The root of all behaviour?Watch this clip – The Still Face Experiment https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0Watch for positive and negative behavioursWhat were these? Which ones were ‘upstairs’ brain behaviours and which ones were ‘downstairs’ brain behaviours?Look at how this child has begun to develop an effective stress response system by using pro-social behaviours (social engagement system) to help overcome the stress caused by the mother not responding Can you see the root of all behaviour in this clip?Slide8

Based on research by John Gottman (1997) in AmericaCLIPS - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmsDTT3xgjo Research suggests it is a key to happy, resilient, and well-adjusted children and young peopleEmotion Coaching is helping children and young people to understand the different emotions they experience, why they occur, and how to handle them

What is Emotion Coaching?Slide9

“Much of today’s popular advice ignores the world of emotions. Instead, it relies on child-rearing theories that address the children’s behaviour, but disregard the feelings that underlie that behaviour” (Gottman, 1997)

Emotion coaching styleSlide10

Be aware of child’s responsesRecognize emotional times as opportunities for intimacy and teachingListen empathetically and validate child’s feelingsHelp child to verbally label emotions – Helps sooth the nervous system and recovery rateSet limits while helping child to problem-solve

Emotion Coaching: The Five StepsSlide11

The steps

Image courtesy of Kate CairnsSlide12

Teaching children/ young people about the world of emotion ‘in the moment’Giving children strategies to deal with ups and downsAccepting all emotions as normalUsing moments of undesirable behaviour as opportunities for teachingBuilding trusting and respectful relationships with children/ young people

Emotion coaching involves Slide13

To empathizeTo read others’ emotions and social cuesTo control impulses (Self-sooth and self-regulate)To delay gratificationTo motivate themselvesTo cope with life’s ups and downs (Be resilient)To pay attention!

Lessons learntSlide14

*CLIP - DisapprovingDisapproves of negative emotions – Viewed as a sign of weakness, lack of control, unconstructive Lacks empathy, noticeably critical and intolerantTries to get rid of negative emotions via discipline, reprimand, punishmentFocuses on the behaviour rather than the emotions generating the behaviourMore likely to view negative emotional displays as a form of manipulation,

lack of obedience, sign of bad characterOften motivated by need to control and regain power and/ or to ‘toughen up’

child

Disapproving styleSlide15

*CLIP – DismissingDespite good intentions (Wants to make child feel better) but is uncomfortable with negative emotionsViews negative emotions as toxic and so must be ‘got over quickly’Considers paying attention to such emotions will make them worse, prolong them Tries to stop negative emotions by reducing/ minimising/ making light of their importance/ significance

e.g. It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it, be a big girl, that’s life, you

’ll be fineOften motivated by need to rescue

and

make things better

, fix the problem, e.g. Have a biscuit, I

’

ll buy a new one, You need to do this

Focuses on

getting rid

of the emotion with logic or distraction rather than understanding the feelings

Dismissing styleSlide16

“It works so it must be good!” BUT the actual message is…..What you are feeling is not right, your assessment of the problem is wrong, you must not feel this wayChild does not learn to trust own feelings affecting decision-makingNot given opportunities to experience emotions and deal with them effectively so grow up unprepared for life’s challenges

Not given opportunities to self-regulate or problem-solveCan lead to suppression of natural emotions, less or lack of self-regulation, reliance on distraction to get rid of emotion

Generates more negative feelings - Resentment, guilt, shame, anger

What we think about disapproving/ dismissing messages sent to childSlide17

*CLIP – Emotion CoachingWe all have feelings and need to recognize them in ourselves as well as othersWe are not alone and we are accepted, supported, valid, cared about, understood, trustworthy and respected – This is then returnedWe are empowered and it’s safe to engage in problem-solvingAll feelings are normal but need to be regulated and expressed constructivelyProblems and conflicts can be resolved peacefully!

Emotion coaching messages Slide18

In pairs, look at each scenario on the Activity 4 handout and select those responses which reflect an Emotion Coaching responseYou can select more than one responseWhich aspects reflect a Dismissing or Disapproving response?

Activity: What would an emotion coach do?Slide19

Recognise all emotions as being natural and normal and not always a matter of choiceRecognise behaviour as communication (Relational vs Behavioural Model)Look for physical and verbal signs of the emotion being feltTake on the child’s perspective (Mentalising/ Mind-mindedness)Use words to reflect back child’s emotion and help child/ young person to label emotionAffirm and empathise, allowing to calm downProvide a narrative/translation for the emotional experience (creating cognitive links)

Steps 1-4: Empathise, validate and labelSlide20

‘You seem to be feeling angry. I would feel angry if that happened to me. It’s normal to feel like that.’‘I can see you’re frowning and I’m wonderful if you’re feeling anxious.‘‘I think that something’s not quite right – can you tell me about it…’‘You look a bit fed up…’‘It’s normal to feel like this.’‘What does your body feel like now?’

Steps 1-4:

Examples

Emotion coaching scripts Slide21

State the boundary limits of acceptable behaviourMake it clear certain behaviours cannot be acceptedBut retain the child’s self-dignity (Crucial for responsive behaviour and well-being)

Step 5 Setting limits (If needed)Slide22

‘These are the rules that we have to follow. Doing that is not ok.’‘We can’t behave like that even though you are feeling annoyed because it is not safe.’‘Behaving like that is not helpful…’‘This is not what we do’

Emotion coaching scripts

Step 5:

Examples

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When the child is calm and in a relaxed, rational state:Explore the feelings that give rise to the behavior/problem/incident Scaffold alternative ideas and actions that could lead to more appropriate and productive outcomesEmpower the child to believe s/he can overcome difficulties and manage feelings/behaviour

Step 5: Problem-solving with the child Slide24

‘How were you feeling when that happened’‘Next time you’re feeling like this, what could you do? How do you think you will react next time or if this happens again.’‘What might help you calm down next time you feel like this?’‘You need to decide what to do about this’‘I can help you to think of a different way to cope’‘What can you do next time that would be more helpful for you and others’

Emotion coaching scripts

Step 5:

Examples

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KNOWING WHAT TO SAYChoose a scenario and work out what you would say for each step – Making scripts

Activity: Making scripts Slide26

Achieve more academically in schoolAre more popularHave fewer behavioural problems Have fewer infectious illnesses Are more emotionally stableAre more resilient(Gottman et al, 1997)

Emotion coached childrenSlide27

Proportion of positive to negative responses on Exit Questionnaire by conceptual relevance

“

it provides consistency and scaffolding to structure the way to deal with behaviour, from the adult’s point of view as well as the child’s”.

“It helps us cool down while we collect our thoughts and I now shout less!

”,

“It

gives them (the children) choices and a way out of a difficult situation without confrontation

”.

(Rose et al, 2015)Slide28

Case StudySecondary School Behaviourn= 1350

(Rose et al, 2015)Slide29

SafeguardingSafeguarding is the golden thread through all work in children and young people’s servicesBe mindful of the risks posed, particularly in schools, in managing safe discussions as emotions are more openly discussedBe mindful that in opening up discussions with professionals, parents, children and young people about emotions, there may be disclosuresAll those undertaking Emotion Coaching are assumed to have undertaken statutory safeguarding training as part of their work with C&YP, to know who their organisation’s safeguarding lead is and how to contact them