BREAKING FREE FROM LIFE’S PAIN: - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

BREAKING FREE FROM LIFE’S PAIN:

Evidenced-Based Skills &

Healing Connections with Christ

Break Every Chain World Conference

Nashville, TN September 29, 2017

Dr. Heidi Vermeer-Quist,

Psy.D

.

&

Glenn W. Lutjens, M.A.,

LMFT

Copyrights

exist for this cooperative presentation

:

Slides 2-15: Glenn

Lutjens

, M.A. © 2017 All Rights Reserved

(Focus on the Family co-branded by agreement and owner permission)

Slides 16- 36: Heidi

Vermeer

-Quist,

Psy.D

. © 2017 All Rights ReservedSlide2

Quotes for Change

From 0-10, rate each of these

3

cognitions regarding their ability to create positive change in a

client:

1- “The real Son of God is at your side. He is beginning to turn you into the same kind of thing as Himself.”

_____

C.S. Lewis

2- “If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.

” _____

Cavett

Robert

3-

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

_____ Jesus ChristSlide3

Impact of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

A 2012 STUDY BY STEPHAN HOFFMAN, ET. AL. CONDUCTED BY BOSTON UNIVERSITY

11 studies compared treatment outcome rates of CBT with other treatment models:

-CBT higher in seven

-CBT approximately the same in three

-CBT lower in oneSlide4

Albert Ellis & Robert

Harper

“

Although sorrow and regret constitute healthy feelings, hurt does not. People may

deprive

or

harm

you by their words, gestures, or attitudes. But whenever you feel

hurt

, you make their accusations sacred or deify them and thus you actually ‘hurt’ yourself.”

A

Guide to Rational LivingSlide5

Matthew

5:4

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted

.”

Mourn

–

pentheo

= lamentSlide6

Core Wounds

Core

POWERLESS

ABANDON

GRIEF

ANGER

INADEQ

SHAME

FEAR

LONELY

NO MEANING

REJECTSlide7

Impact of

Others

–

Egocentrism

Preoperational Stage

Ages 2-7

Core

ABANDON

GRIEF

ANGER

INADEQ

SHAME

FEAR

NO MEAN-

ING

LONELY

POWER-LESS

REJECT

Mom

DadSlide8

Impact of Others

Core

ABAND-ON

GRIEF

ANGER

INADEQ

SHAME

FEAR

NO MEAN-

ING

LONELY

POWER-LESS

REJECT

Mom

Dad

STYLE

STYLESlide9

PAIN AND THE BRAIN

Slide10

STYLE

CORE

WORKAHOLISM

PERFECTIONISM

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

SELF PITY

JEALOUSY

DISSOCIATION

CONTROLLING

SELF FOCUS

CARE-TAKING

HYPER SENSITIVITY

ROMANCE

SUSPICIOUS

DEPENDENCY

APPEASEMENT

HUMOR

RESENTMENT

ENTITLEMENT

BLAME

DEPRESSION

DENIAL

SUCCESS

CRITICAL

RAGE

REBELLION

SUPERIORITY

WITHDRAWAL

ADDICTIONS

ALCOHOLISM

SPIRITUALIZING

INTELLECTUALIZE

DEFENSIVESlide11

Lamentations 3:16-24

Two clearly distinct parts

Two people?

Both

biblical

1- Honesty with the Pain

2- Truth beyond the PainSlide12

DENTAL ANALOGY

- Analogy Limitations-

Drill

Honesty with Pain

Fill

Truth Beyond Pain Slide13

Frederick

Buechner

It is through memory that we are able to reclaim much of our lives that we have long since written off by finding that in everything that has happened to us over the years God was offering us possibilities of new life and healing which, though we may have missed them at the time, we can still choose and be brought to life by and healed by all these years later.

Telling Secrets

by Frederick

Buechner

Slide14

Healthy Core & Style

Core

CONNECT

FORGIVEN

PURPOSE

IMPERFECT

GROWING

AWARE

LOVED

CONFIDENT

RESPONSIBLE

FORGIVING

AFFECTIONATE

RELAXED

ENCOURAGING

FLEXIBLE

CONFRONTING

ADMITS FAULTS

HONEST

LOVING

MOTIVATEDSlide15

4 Types of Cognition

1- Factual

cognition

“I have strengths and weaknesses.”

2- Undeniable cognition

“My spouse is dying from ALS.”

3- Modifiable cognition

“I will never reach my goals.”

4- False cognition

“I have no value.”Slide16

The Steadfast Love

The Steadfast Love of the Lord never ceases

His Mercies Never Come to an End

They are new every morning,

New every morning,

Great is Thy Faithfulness, Oh God

Great is Thy FaithfulnessSlide17

Mental Health Is A lot Like Gardening…

Grounding

Grieving (pruning)

Growing in Grateful Community

Gardening Tools: CBT

, DBT, ACT & Secure Relational Attachment Skills

–

Practice/Skills

LogSlide18

God Is

Our Master

Gardener

Learning to abide

in the

Vine

– John 15Slide19

Grounding Basics

Words become Worlds: What do you tell yourself?

Training your brain to embrace a

Healthy CORE Christian Self Concept

:

In

Christ,

I am Accepted

I am Secure

I am

Significant

Neil AndersonSlide20

Grounding Basics

In Christ,

I am Accepted

I am Secure

I am Significant

Repetition is the mother of all mastery and skill

…

John Marquez

(The Ultimate Journey)Slide21

Know Your Limits

Healthy Boundaries

– Good News! You are responsible FOR far less than you think

.

Cloud & Townsend,

Boundaries

Learn how to live in and manage your own backyard. Slide22

Always Start with God

GOD

Source

of

Love

,

Life

, and

WisdomSlide23

GOD

Source

of Love,

Life

, and Wisdom

YOU

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

Responsible FOR

Yourself - NOW

CREATEDSlide24

GOD

Source of Love,

Life

, and Wisdom

YOU

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

Responsible FOR

Yourself - NOW

PROVIDES

JESUS

THE

VINESlide25

GOD

Source

of Love,

Life

, and Wisdom

YOU

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOW

JESUS

THE

VINE

Other

Person

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOWSlide26

GOD

Source

of Love,

Life

, and Wisdom

YOU

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOW

JESUS

THE

VINE

Other

Person

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOW

Speak the Truth in Love!

RESPONSIBLE

TO

EACH OTHER

BY SPEAKING THE

TRUTH IN LOVE…BEING

BOTH HONEST AND

KINDSlide27

GOD

Source

of Love,

Life

, and Wisdom

YOU

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOW

JESUS

THE

VINE

Other

Person

F –

f

eelings

A – attitudes

B – behaviors

NOW

Speak the Truth in Love!

RESPONSIBLE

TO

EACH OTHER

BY SPEAKING THE

TRUTH IN LOVE

JESUS

THE

VINESlide28

CAUTION: You are about to enter the “O” Zone!

Getting stuck in the “O Zone” is when you feel responsible for 3 O’s:

Others

Outcomes

Old Stuff

Just notice: when you feel responsible for the the “O” Zone, you WILL feel stressed. Do you think that perhaps God made you to feel stressed in those times, in order to signal you to slow down and remain responsible just for YOUR part?Slide29

Mindfulness – Living in the Precious Present

Be Mindful – live in the precious

present

Marsha

Linehan

, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Use Your Five Senses

Use Your Breath

Observe, Describe, Participate in the gift of the present moment.Slide30

Christian Integration of

Core Mindfulness

We acknowledge that relying on God’s presence and His Word are enormously helpful:

God

’

s

Presence

Reasonable

Mind

Emotional

Mind

WISE

MindSlide31

Christian Integration of

Core Mindfulness

Wise mind – produced by reasonable mind and emotional minds working together through

dependent dialogue with God

…

God

’

s

Presence

Reasonable

Mind

Emotional

Mind

WISE

MindSlide32

Christian Integration of

Core Mindfulness

Benefits of Prayer:

Feel less alone – aware of being with God

Look at a bigger picture

Discern meaning and purpose in the midst of suffering

Breath Prayer

–

integration of bottom up and top down interventions

…Slide33

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8, NIV) 

Christian Integration of

Core MindfulnessSlide34

Mindfulness Exercise

Breathe in

–

“I thank you..”

Breathe out

–

“I trust you…”

Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Quench not the Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 5:17-19, KJ21)Slide35

FAB Prayer Journaling

through Emotions

Dear

God,

F: What

am I

Feeling?

A: What

am I reacting to

? (Attitude)

the

current situation

:

my interpretation (subjective):

the truth (objective):

B: How

did I (or how am I now) respond(

ing

) to my interpretation of the situation?

What is my typical knee jerk response?

What other options do I have? (Really listen to yourself, God, what others have taught you….)What do I choose to do

? Slide36

Grounding – Radical Acceptance

ACT (Acceptance-Commitment Therapy)

& The

Serenity Prayer

Posture

Stanley

Hibbs

Accept

what you cannot change

Courage to change what you can (your one life, one moment at a time)

Remain Committed to Christ & your

Values

Slide37

Serenity Prayer

Radical

Acceptance

“It is what it is.” There are just things outside of ourselves we cannot control – “O” zone of Others, Outcomes and Old Stuff.

“Accepting

what we

cannot change”“Taking this sinful world as

it as it is, not as I would have

it”

“Trusting that You are at work…”

GYL version

– integration of skills with this classic prayer by Reinhold NiebuhrSlide38

Serenity Prayer (for today)

God

, grant me the

Serenity

(tranquility,

composure and

peace)

to

ACCEPT

(gratefully receive)

the

things

I cannot

change

(

O

thers

,

Outcomes and Old stuff),

COURAGE to change the things I can

(myself in this moment, managing my

Feelings, Attitudes, and

Behaviors), and WISDOM

(understanding) to know the difference…LIVING

One Day

at a time

…

ENJOYING

One

MOMENT

at a time

(mindfully observing, describing and participating in the

precious present)Slide39

Serenity Prayer (for today)

ACCEPTING HARDSHIP

as a

pathway to

PEACE

…

TAKING, as Jesus did, this sinful

(

evil, corrupt and broken)

world as it

I

S

,

not

as I

would have

it…

TRUSTING

that You are making all things right as

I SURRENDER (give in) to

YOUR will…So that I am reasonably (sensibly and quite)

HAPPY in this life

and SUPREMELY HAPPY with You forever in the next.

AMEN (So be it!)

—

Adapted from Reinhold Niebuhr’s o

riginal by

Heidi Vermeer-QuistSlide40

BOOKS

available at the Meier Clinic Booth &

at

www.gardeningyourlife.comSlide41

This

PPT Presentation is posted at

www.gardeningyourlife.com

under “Resources”