Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma Christine A Courtois PhD ABPP Psychologist Private Practice Courtois amp Associates PC Washington DC CACourtoisPhDaolcom wwwdrchriscourtoiscom ID: 528125
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Clergy Abuse: Betrayal and Relational Complex Trauma
Christine A. Courtois,
PhD
, ABPP
Psychologist
,
Private
Practice
Courtois & Associates, PC
Washington, DC
CACourtoisPhD@aol.com
www.drchriscourtois.comSlide2
Relevant Books by Dr. CourtoisSlide3
I. Clergy abuse and incest have similar dynamics Both are forms of complex traumaII. Complex trauma ->complex reactionsIII. Complex reactions -> complex healingUnderstanding dynamics and common reactions helps to better understand the injury and to heal
OutlineSlide4
What is trauma?Stressor event or experience (includes witnessing)OverwhelmingDifferent types: impersonal, interpersonal, identity
What makes it traumatic?
Overwhelming
emotionally and
cognitively
Cannot be emotionally processed in the normal way
When interpersonal,
adds to the traumabetrayal, secrecy, silence, taboo, force/violence, blame/shame, etc.Avoided and not processedgeneralizes and/or goes underground
Defining TraumaSlide5
What is Complex Trauma? Interpersonal/identityOften during childhood/adolescenceImpacts development
In context of a relationship
Betrayal/Misuse/Exploitation
Repeated/chronic
Entrapping
Escalating over
time
Seriousness & intrusion
Defining
TraumaSlide6
What is Incest?Sexual abuse by family members (also
by
non-relatives who have family roles, including clergy)
Violates primary relationships and roles
Violates responsibility to protect
Misuses
authority, power, knowledge
Preys on and exploits those who are younger/smaller /less powerful/naïve/ immature/dependent/accessibleHave fewer resourcesVictims are
more vulnerable if
family is not healthySlide7
Common Dynamics of IncestBetrayal and Relational TraumaBetrayal of an essential and sacrosanct relationship and roleNot “stranger-danger”
Much more emotionally conflicted and damaging
May affect ability to remember
Second injury
Those who don’t respond or help
Institutional injury
Those that obstruct rather than help
Communities and organizationsSlide8
Common Dynamics of IncestDysfunctional FamilyWith boundary and power problems; sometimes violent, poly-abusive,
addictions
Power
and gender dynamics
Patriarchal
Closed system
Loyalty expected, even when not deservedFamily rules and injunctionsDon’t!: know, feel, react, respond, tellParadox and
hypocrisySlide9
Victim who discloses is blamed, shunned, scapegoated, “You are with us or against us; Don’t ask us to admit/change”Supporters/interveners are treated with suspicion, may be attacked
Secondary and tertiary victims
Trauma has a wake
:
like a pebble in a pond
Other family members, others in the
parish or faith
communityCommon Dynamics of IncestSlide10
Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy AbuseStructured power and historical behaviors (including abuse) and doctrinePatriarchal and hierarchical: Cardinals , bishops and priests as authority figures, extensions of the deity; contradictory views of women
Church as family
Church as closed system
Structured morals and beliefs
(that are violated)
Structured training of
priests
Vocations and seminaries Personal and psychosexual development in the seminarySlide11
Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy AbuseLoyalty and obedience expectedPriest as God’s representative:
Spiritual
father
Authority and moral figure
May have a role in the child’s biological family
Always to be honored, obeyed, respected
Not to be questioned/suspected
Church and congregants as extended familyChildren of GodBeliefs, structure, functioningLoyalty, attachment, kinship/faith ties Slide12
Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy AbuseBetrayal-trauma, hypocrisy, & disillusionment
Betrayal of role and responsibilities
Betrayal of beliefs and teaching
Ambivalent attachment/conflicted emotions/loyalty
Second Injury
Enablers (housekeeper, other priests, etc.)
Passive bystanders (other priests, congregants, parents, Bishops, Cardinals, etc.)
Those who should help and don’tLack of investigation, follow-up, silencingDisbelievers, blamers, scapegoaters, and attackersVicarious injury: collateral damageSlide13
Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy AbuseInstitutional Injury
Suppression of reports and inadequate investigation
Lack of reporting to criminal authorities
Lack of cooperation with investigations
Non-removal of perpetrators and moving them from one parish to another with no warning
Non-pastoral response to victims
Actively working against victims’
suits & rights Statutes of limitation, bankruptcies, etc.Expensive defense attorneysQuestioning of recovered or delayed memoriesSlide14
Incestuous Dynamics of Clergy AbuseAnd the list goes on…“
Just get over it.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“All (litigating) victims want is money and to bankrupt the Church.”
“It’s homosexuality and not pedophilia”
Can it not be one or the other or both?
“The Church does not have to report to civil authorities.”
“The problem is recent and it is over.”“Management systems are in place”“Why should I/we apologize for what other priests/Bishops did?”Slide15
II. Complex Reactions to Complex TraumaIndividual and subjectiveInitial and short-term:
W
ide
variety of behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical/medical, identity, relational and family issues and
symptoms
PTS
and PTSD, depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse and compulsions
by victim’s age and stage of developmentMay be noticed right away, but not understoodChild may not disclose, even when asked directly
Effects and symptoms may go dormantSlide16
Complex Reactions to Complex TraumaLong-term:
Same: PTS and PTSD, Complex PTSD,
dissociation, depression, anxiety, substance abuse
Episodic
Chronic
Again, manifested by age and stage
Delayed onset:
Secondary elaborations of the untreated original effects Cued by current events
(positive and negative):
media and other reports of clergy abuse; death of the perpetrator or others; feelings, thoughts, sensations; relationship and family issues; children and childrearing; response of others; institutional response, etc.Slide17
Post Traumatic Stress DisorderMajor symptoms (the big three):1. Re-experiencing2. Numbing/detaching
3. Hyper-arousal
Associated symptoms
Depression, anxiety, dissociation, substance abuse
Co-morbidity: medical and psychological
Self and relationship difficultiesSlide18
Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: PTSD, plus or minus
Alterations in ability to regulate self and emotions
Alterations in sense of self
PREDOMINANTLY NEGATIVE AND SELF-BLAMING
Alterations in ongoing consciousness
Alterations in relation to the perpetrator
Alterations in relation to others
MISTRUST, alienationPhysical/medical concernsAlterations in meaning and spiritualitySlide19
Complex Injury ->ComplexTreatmentUnderstand complex trauma and reactionsFind an experienced therapist
Must understand sexual abuse, special issues of clergy abuse, complex trauma
Not all therapists have training in the treatment of trauma
Don’t take this for
granted!
Find someone you are comfortable with
The therapy relationship itself is part of the healing processSlide20
Complex Treatment for Complex InjurySequenced treatment with three main stages:1. Information/education, safety and stabilization, dismantling defenses/survival skills and managing symptoms, skill-development including emotional regulation skills, development of therapeutic relationship
2. Trauma memory processing: involves acceptance, grieving, and anger; strategizing about actions
3. Life re-engagement, meaning, spiritualitySlide21
Complex Treatment for Complex Injury: Reverse the Lessons of AbusePersonal SAFETY
is the foundation of healing
Support of others is crucial
Develop a support system
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
IT DIDN’T ONLY HAPPEN TO YOU
Put yourself and your family first
Determine your needsFamily members such as parents can be vicariously traumatized and may need support and treatmentExplain to children in age-appropriate waysSlide22
Complex Treatment for Complex InjuryRe-gain control: Get empowered for youTreat any addictions/compulsions simultaneouslyChallenge old messages and the “lessons of abuse”
Work to change thoughts and beliefs
Learn to remove/limit triggers
Learn skills to manage symptoms
Approach versus avoid trauma material
but with skills and support in place and in a balanced way
Trauma must be emotionally processed
Use anger for you and not against youSlide23
Healing is a processExpect ups and downsHealing from complex interpersonal trauma is longer rather than shorter-termBe unconditional and conditionalPerson versus behaviorExpect your own reactions
Vicarious or secondary trauma
Crisis in faith
Engage in self-care and have limits and boundaries
Have own sources of support/outside perspective
On Offering SupportSlide24
On GrievingCompounded, complicated mourning for what was and what wasn’tMultiple layers of betrayal and injury
Takes time and energy
Often involves righteous and justifiable anger
Ambiguous losses
Might not be recognized -> more loss and grief
Might not be supported
Search for meaning and validationSlide25
Anger for EmpowermentANGER/RAGE IS AN ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED RESPONSE TO ABUSEA difficult emotion, must be managed and modulated
LEARN TO USE ANGER PRODUCTIVELY AND IN WAYS THAT EMPOWER YOU
Use anger to reverse the lessons and put the blame where it belongs and not on you
Litigation is one option, not the only one
Can have a high personal cost, better if later in the process, get information and choose carefully
Personal healing and recovery are the ultimate goalsSlide26
Healing Is Possible and Is Your Right and ResponsibilityMaintain Hope and Solidarity with Others
ConclusionSlide27
Additional ResourcesSNAP.org (Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests)MaleSurvivors.org
ISTSS.org (International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies)
ISSTD.org (International Society for the Study of
Trauma and Dissociation)
NCPTSD.org (National Center for PTSD)
NCTSN.org (National Child Traumatic Stress Network)
Sidran.org
Referral list, help desk, books and videos on trauma topics