MARRIAGE TUNE-UP (2) - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

MARRIAGE TUNE-UP (2)

Sexual Pleasure in MarriageSlide2

Introduction

“Sexual Pleasure in Marriage”:

Each word in that title is important.Slide3

PART ONE

:

PLEASURESlide4

I. The Purpose of Pleasure

Why did God create pleasure?

Why did God create us?

WSC #1: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to ENJOY him forever.”

God has made us to enjoy him! Slide5

I. The Purpose of Pleasure

Our three-fold problem with enjoying God

1. The Creator—Creature distinction

2. The Pure Spirit—Physical distinction

3. The Holy God—Sinful Man distinction

“How does a holy, all-glorious, pure spirit, Creator God reveal the glory of his goodness so we can enjoy him forever?”Slide6

I. The Purpose of Pleasure

God reveals his goodness through pleasure!

What does that tell you about the purpose of pleasure?Slide7

II. The Misuse

of Pleasure

God placed our first parents in a garden of delights

Maximum privilege, maximum pleasure

One pleasure was restricted—a test: Would they trace the pleasure back to the Giver, or seek pleasure for its own sake?Slide8

“

So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.

” (Genesis 3:6) Slide9

III. The Medium

of Pleasure

God mediates his goodness through his enjoyable gifts

The gifts or pleasures are mere vessels or carriers of God’s goodness pleasure

Objects which provide pleasure are mere empty and worthless vesselsSlide10

III. The Medium of Pleasure

St. Augustine on pleasure:

Distinguishes

between “enjoyment” and “use”

We are to “use” things to “enjoy” God

If we enjoy anything for its own sake, we make it into an

idolSlide11

“

15

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

16

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.”

(I John 2:15-16) Slide12

“

“In the same manner, my brethren, as if a bridegroom should make a ring for his bride, and she having received the ring, should love it more than she loves the bridegroom who made the ring for her: would not her soul be found guilty of adultery in the very gift of the bridegroom albeit she did not but love what the bridegroom gave her? By all means let her love what the bridegroom gave: yet should she say, ‘This ring is enough for me, I do not wish to see his face now,’ what sort of woman would she be? Who would not detest such folly? Who would not pronounce her guilty of an adulterous mind? Slide13

“

Thou

lovest

gold in place of the man,

lovest

a ring in place of the bridegroom: if this be in thee, that thou

lovest

a ring in place of thy bridegroom; that he has given thee an earnest, serves not to pledge thee to him, but to turn away thy heart from him! For this bridegroom gives earnest, that in his earnest he may himself be loved. Well then, God gave thee all these things: love Him that made them. There is more that he would fain give thee, that is, His very Self that made these things. But if thou love these—what though God made them—and neglect the Creator and love the world; shall not thy love be counted adulterous?”Slide14

IV. Lawful and Unlawful Pleasures

Lawful pleasures are granted by God

Unlawful pleasures are stolen

Even a lawful pleasure can lead to sin if we only enjoy it for its own sake

We need to pay careful attention to all lawful pleasures to apprehend the surpassing goodness of God behind themSlide15

Psalm

34:8

“

O taste and see

that

the Lord is good.

” Slide16

V. Seeking Lawful Pleasures

The “bad guys” of the Bible always get pleasure wrong

They either worship pleasure, or

Or they deny and forbid pleasure.

The Bible exposes false teachers who endorse self-indulgenceSlide17

2 Peter 2:1-3, 9-14

“

1

But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction.

2

And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed.

3

And in their greed they will exploit you with false words. Their condemnation from long ago is not idle, and their destruction is not asleep

….Slide18

2 Peter 2:1-3, 9-14

“

9

(T)he

Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment,

10

and especially those who indulge in the lust of defiling passion and despise authority.

Bold

and willful, they do not tremble as they blaspheme the glorious ones,

11

whereas angels, though greater in might and power, do not pronounce a blasphemous judgment against them before the Lord.

12

But these, like irrational animals, creatures of instinct, born to be caught and destroyed, blaspheming about matters of which they are ignorant, will also be destroyed

inSlide19

2 Peter 2:1-3, 9-14

“

their

destruction,

13

suffering wrong as the wage for their wrongdoing. They count it pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blots and blemishes, reveling in their deceptions, while they feast with you.

14

They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children!”Slide20

V. Seeking Lawful Pleasures

The “bad guys” of the Bible always get pleasure wrong

They either worship pleasure, or

Or they deny and forbid pleasure.

The Bible exposes false teachers who endorse self-indulgence

The Bible also exposes the pleasure-deniersSlide21

Colossians 2:20-23:

“

20

If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations—

21

“Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch”

22

(referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings?

23

These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.”Slide22

1

Timothy

4:1-5

“

1

Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons,

2

through the insincerity of liars whose consciences are seared….

3

who

forbid marriage and require abstinence from foods that God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.

4

For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,

5

for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.”Slide23

VI. Questions and Clarifications

What kinds of pleasures should we seek?

How do we distinguish between lawful and unlawful pleasures?

Can we ever enjoy too much lawful pleasure?

We should also lift of up the godly work of providing pleasur

e to othersSlide24

VII. Enjoying Pleasure

Coram

Deo

We must live with a continual “God Consciousness” or

Coram

Deo

, “before the face of God”

“O taste and see that the LORD is good!”

What has all this to do with sex in marriage?Slide25

PART

TWO:

SEXUAL PLEASURE

IN

MARRIAGESlide26

I. Lawful Sexual Pleasure

Only between one man and one woman in the lifelong covenant of marriage.

Period.

No exceptions.

Unlawful sexual pleasure contains none of the blessing of God

As sin, it can only bring misery and death…and the wrath of God.Slide27

I. Lawful Sexual Pleasure

What should an unmarried person do?

Enjoy God through other lawful pleasures!

Our Lord Jesus enjoyed God perfectly without ever enjoying sexual pleasure in marriage!

Seek to be married, if God wills

God is more interested in our sanctification than in our satisfactionSlide28

II. Sexual Pleasure is a Pleasure

Sexual pleasure is a good gift of God

Married people should seek to enjoy God through sexual pleasure with their own spouse

Psalm 34:8: “O taste and see that the Lord is

good!”

The church has often failed to provide this positive view of sexual pleasure in marriageSlide29

III. God’s Word on Sexual Pleasure

Sacred Scripture has much to say about sexual enjoyment in marriageSlide30

Genesis 1:28

“

And

God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”Slide31

Proverbs 5:15-23

:

“

15

Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well.

16

Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?

17

Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you.

18

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth,

19

a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

20

Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

21

For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths.

22

The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin.

23

He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.”Slide32

Song of Solomon 7:1-3. 7-9:

“

1

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand.

2

Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies.

3

Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle….

7

Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters.

8

I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples,

9

and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.”Slide33

Proverbs 5:4-5 (ESV):

“

4

My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me.

5

I arose to open to my beloved….”

(Literal Translation)

“

4

My lover thrust his hand through the hole, and my vagina was enflamed.

5

I arose and opened for my lover

.

”

Proverbs 5:14 (ESV):

“

His body is polished ivory, bedecked with sapphires.

”

(Literal Translation) “

His erection is a tusk of ivory, bedecked with sapphires.

”Slide34

I Corinthians 7:

“

1

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman

.’

“

2

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

3

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

4

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”Slide35

I Corinthians 7:

“

6

Now

as a concession, not a command, I say this.

7

I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another

.”

“

8

To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

9

But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.”Slide36

I Corinthians 7:

“

25

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.

26

I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.

27

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife.

28

But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

29

This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none,

30

and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods,

31

and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

Slide37

I Corinthians 7:

“

32

I

want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

33

But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,

34

and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

35

I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord

.Slide38

I Corinthians 7:

“

36

If

anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed,

(in other words, that it would not be fair to his fiancée to break the engagement)

if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.

37

But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.

38

So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.”Slide39

Hebrews 13:4

“

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”Slide40

IV. How Often is Righ

t?

Biblical counselor and pastor Nicholas Ellen: “Until both are satisfied.” Slide41

Dr. Stuart Scott,

The Exemplary Husband:

“

There

is only one reason to abstain from satisfying the desires of one’s spouse. This reason is for a specific time of prayer for a specific reason. Both partners must be in agreement about abstinence for godly purposes. We should be aware that Satan will use the sexual area to tempt either a husband or a wife to sin if he can. Great caution should be used before any decision to abstain. In fact, there needs to be a very positive and selfless perspective about physical intimacy. The thinking ought to be how often can we, rather than when must we.”

(pp. 154-5)Slide42

Martha Peace,

The Excellent Wife

“Pleasure resulting from physical intimacy between husband and wife is assumed in Scripture. It should be fun. There will, of course, be times when for various reasons, the sex act may not be at the same level of intensity as other times. However, it should still be pleasurable and a sweet time between each married couple. I know of one husband who prays with his wife before they ‘make love.’ They ask God to bless their time together, and they say that God always does. Generally both husband and wife should come to a climax, but if one or the other is too tired or is providentially hindered in some way (such as the wife’s period or pregnancy) they can still express love to the other if not through vaginal intercourse through manual stimulation.” (p. 124) Slide43

Martha Peace,

The Excellent Wife

“There are no certain number of times per week, but it should be often enough that neither one is experiencing frustration and temptation. Sometimes couples fall into the habit of not

having

sex or rarely having sex. They stay busy and tired and end up living together more like brother and sister than husband and wife. Sexual intimacy, however, should be a regular and continuous part of their relationship.” (p. 125) Slide44

CONCLUSION

“Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy him forever.”

“O taste and see tha

t the Lord is good. Blessed is the man that takes refuge in him.” (Psalm 34:8)