LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX…UALITY AND DISABILITY - PowerPoint Presentation

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX…UALITY AND DISABILITY PROJECT SAFE SUMMIT Alexandra Hollifieldshe/her/hersKentucky Association of Sexual Assault Programs

Road Map Community Guidelines Myths about sexuality and disability Working assumptions Anatomy STI prevention Barrier methods Lubrication Birth Control Pleasure Consent and communication Questions

Community Guidelines Respect the identities of others What is said here stays here, but what is learned here leaves here Ouch, oops Take space, make space Use of inclusive language Lean into the discomfort

Turn to the person next to you and discuss: What do you think of when you hear the word “sex?” What do you think of when you hear the words “sex and disability?”

Today, we are going to talk about… How we define sexuality How we define consent Strategies to communicate about consent and sexuality that are culturally humble, relevant, and empowering for people with disabilities

What are some myths about how people with disabilities experience sexuality? People with disabilities cannot give consent to engage in sexual activity People with physical disabilities probably can’t have sex the “normal” way People with disabilities are not sexually desirable People with cognitive disabilities should not masturbate or be sexual People with physical disabilities mostly rely on pornography for sexual pleasure People with disabilities don’t need sexuality education

Working Assumptions Practically all sexuality education excludes the lived experiences of people with disabilities People with disabilities have a right to comprehensive, medically-accurate, and culturally relevant sexuality education People with disabilities have a right to learn about all of the different aspects of consent Even if a person has a cognitive disability and is intellectually delayed, it is very likely that the person’s body development, emotions, and human need for physical intimacy are not delayed All humans are sexual beings from birth to death and have a right to explore their sexuality in a safe environment

Let’s talk about sex!

Anatomy Penis “Privates” Cock Dick Dangler Johnson Disco Stick Member Pee-pee “Thing” Willie Vagina “Privates” Vajayjay Lady V P**** Cooch Cookie Honey pot Flower Hoo-hoo C*** Elbow ???

Anatomy When discussing body parts, use specific and medically-accurate names Conversations about anatomy should be developmentally appropriate “Safe” and “unsafe” touches

STI Prevention STIs can be contracted through vaginal, anal, and oral sex STIs are incredibly common! What is the most common symptom of an STI? The most common symptom is no symptom at all If you are sexually active, you should get tested for STIs every 6 months People with physical disabilities may meet challenges with “traditional” barrier methods

Barrier methods External condom Insertive condom Dental dam

Do you know how to OPRAH? O P R A H pen inch oll ction old

Lubrication People with disabilities who have vaginas may have trouble self-lubricating, which can result in pain during sexual activity Recommended types of lube: Water-based Silicone-based Do not use oil-based lubricant or anything else you have on hand (i.e. Vaseline, lotion, spit, cooking oil, etc.)

Birth control Birth control should always be an individual choice Most common methods: Pill IUD Implant Patch Ring Shot Fertility Awareness A person’s disability may impact their choice of birth control method For people who may have trouble remembering to use a behavioral method (i.e. taking a pill at the same time every day, changing a patch, inserting a new ring each month, etc), a long-acting reversible contraceptive (“LARC”), could be a good option

Pleasure Doctors, physical therapists, counselors, and the media often try to define sexuality for people with disabilities in terms of what they can’t do If people with disabilities have physical or psychological issues with sexuality and physical intimacy such as being unable to self-lubricate or feelings of nervousness, family, friends, and healthcare professionals often automatically assume that the issue is associated with the person’s disability Nervousness is a normal part of anyone’s experience with physical intimacy and could be unrelated to a person’s disability We tend to get stuck in a mindset where we only think it’s “sex” if someone achieves orgasm Sexuality and pleasure can be defined as anything that feels good to you

Pleasure Comfort and safety inventory What do I need in order to feel comfortable during sexual activity? What do I need in order to feel safe during sexual activity? Are there any props of aides that I need in order to make sexual activity enjoyable and pleasurable?

Consent and communication Consent can be given verbally or nonverbally Consent should be enthusiastic Consent should happen without any type of coercion Consent can be withdrawn at any time Both partners are free to change their mind at any time You must have consent every time you engage in sexual activity Consent should happen for every step of sexual activity Consent should be established without any type of impairment of either person

Consent and communication Both partners must communicate before, during, and after sexual activity A partner cannot know what makes a person feel safe and comfortable unless the person communicates that with them I need to keep the lights on because…. I need for you to not touch me here because… If I make this sound or noise, it means… My disability impacts the way I experience sexuality in xyz ways… Here is how you can help me manage my catheter when we have sex…

Consent and communication What if the person is unable to give consent because of a cognitive disability? Support people to make their own choices Capacity to give consent can be accessed by explaining the various aspects of physical intimacy and sexual activity to the person: Do they have an understanding of the definition of consent? Are they able to communicate consent in some way? Do they know the risks of engaging in sexual activity (STIs, pregnancy, etc.)? Do they know how to protect themselves and their partner(s) from STIs and unwanted pregnancy?

You have the power to… inform, encourage, equip, and empower or shame, discourage, victimize, and alienate

QUESTIONS?

(502) 226-2704 ahollifield@kasap.org