from Risk to Relationship amp Resilience A Burden at Every Airport Me Lothian Villa 4 ID: 430128
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Slide1
Unconditional Space
from
Risk
to
Relationship
&
Resilience
Slide2
A Burden at Every AirportSlide3
MeSlide4
Lothian Villa
4Slide5
A Tapestry of
Interventions -
1 Philosophy of Care
Pedagogy
CYC
Team
Teach
ReclaimingSlide6
Philosophy of Care
Love and Kindness oriented
Developmentally focused
Needs & Strength oriented
Relationship focused
Ecology oriented
Trauma informedSlide7
Not 1 ...But All
Care does not follow any
simple formulaic regime
Successful outcomes are achieved through
relationship
building ...
purposeful
activity ...
gives Looked after Children
optimism
about their future life chances
(Smith 2011) Slide8
R
oad
M
a
p
Needs
Spaces
Interventions
Slide9
Rethinking
Effectiveness
If what we are doing for children is so good for them why do they fight us so much?
Roderick Durkin
9Slide10
Understanding Slide11
mastery
generosity
independence
belonging
THE CIRCLE OF COURAGESlide12
Not Seeing What’s ThereSlide13Slide14
Building Resilience
“Increasingly more researchers are finding that …
… fundamental human relationships are foundational in creating resiliency”
(Brokenleg, 2010)Slide15
mastery
belonging
independence
generositySlide16Slide17
Not BelongingSlide18
The ControlledSlide19
Dancing a Different Dance
“Emotional disturbance
is
not
a
solo performance
but a dance with multiple partners” (Brendtro & Shahbazian, 2003). “If this is the case, maybe it is
time to dance a different dance”.
(Digney & Smart, 2014)Slide20
No Disposable Kids
In a society that values children, there can be...
No disposable kids
(Brendtro,2005)Slide21
Challenging Serial Rejection
“Angry youth act in ways that can evoke serial rejection from adults who react with punishment and exclusion”
(Smart, 2012)Slide22
Sisters of Pain
That
defined us
as
juvenile delinquents
and later helped us to fulfil that destiny
I’m not so sure that a child
running away
from something
that is abusive and
demeaning
is being delinquent
Aliese
(Fulcher & Moran, 2014)Slide23
Deep Seated Pain
23
Trauma
leads to repeated involuntary triggering of the stress reaction with feelings of overwhelming fear and helplessness”
Complex Trauma
results from ongoing exposure to fear and helplessness”
(
Brendtro
, 2011)Slide24
A Space -
that’s unconditionalSlide25
Unconditional Space Starts
Where
?
The mind is
empty .......
desires
expectation
fears
doubts
.......Stay outsideSlide26
Unconditionality?
“Out beyond ideas of
right
and wrongdoing,.. there
is a field. I will meet you
there”
Rumi
Slide27
Reaching – the Hard to Reach (1)
Who?
Young people that seem to
evoke serial rejection by adults
Young People who have
been through the full gambit of care provisionsSlide28
Why Unconditional?
“Unconditionality
lies at the heart of inner peace...
.....the prerequisite for an
appreciating, loving relationship...
...
first
with self
and consequently with the mirrored
outer world
”
(Allerstorfer, 2013)
Slide29
Occupying the Space – U.S. is about US
Put simply, the unconditional space was to be protected—sheltered from rejection. Participation was not contingent on good behaviour. ....
(Smart, 2012)Slide30
Needs
not Behaviour
Unconditional space
is designed around the
needs of the youth
and
not problem behaviour
(Smart, 2012)Slide31
D
istrust, D
iscord,
D
isconnection
istrust
–
young person believes the
adult won’t care, understand or
be able to help
iscord
–
young person and adult don’t share goals e.g. the adult seeks control
or change the young person wants autonomy
isconnection –
joint conflict and avoidance characterise the relationship (Brendtro, 2009)31Slide32
A Space to Connect
“We knew that if our responses to this boy were based on his behaviour then
we would never connect”.
(
Smart, 2012
)Slide33
Survival Strategies
“Remember that the very behaviours which have kept your child alive in the past could be preventing him from being truly alive in the present”
(Archer, 1999)
33Slide34
InterventionSlide35
Belonging...
“the love of a mother for her child [could be] an example of
unconditional love
...
...[which] relates the topic of
unconditionality
to “belonging”
...and defines it as
a basic human need.
Ferrucci
Slide36
If you don’t like
where you have been,
and you don’t like
where you are going,
then take a new
pathway
Maya AngelouSlide37
It Started with .....Slide38
Kids who Keep us at a Distance
He displayed a range of behaviours
to keep adults at a distance
including
verbal aggression, threat displays and derogatory
insults toward women
These are the types of actions that
often stir up
frustration and even counter-aggression in helping adults
(Smart, 2012)Slide39
Unlocking the Potential
“
I am of the opinion that every human being holds a special potential that wants to unfold itself”
(Allerstorfer, 2013) Slide40
Music to my ears 1-2Slide41
Unconditionality therefore enables us to open up for unexpected and unintentional experiences. It makes us open our fists in order to receive empathy.
It also allows us to open our hearts. Slide42
Creating Unconditional Space Allows...
It makes us open up...
it does not judge...
it does not blame
expect or weigh...
it makes our personality grow.Slide43
A Changed Life
When we respond to needs... often problematic
undesirable behaviour diminishes or disappears altogether
(Garfat, 2011)
43Slide44
44
Reflections