FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21 - PowerPoint Presentation

FAMILY, MARRIAGE AND SINGLENESS IN THE 21ST CENTURY UNDERSTANDING TODAY’S FAMILIES Dennis Franck - Coach/Consultant/SpeakerFranck Insightswww.franckinsights.com Springfield, MO

UNMARRIED HOUSEHOLDS… MARRIED HOUSEHOLDS… Married households 2012 All marriages - 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. 51.0 percent Unmarried households 49. percent14 million single women5 million single men 15 million single parent36. 7 million single, “non family”- friends of same/opposite sex U.S. CENSUS BUREAU – 2012 American Community Survey http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061015/ts_alt_afp/afplifestyleusscociety_061015170214

THE FACE OF THE FAMILY HAS CHANGED! Nuclear Family

THE CHURCH MUST REACH ALL TYPES OF “FAMILIES” & HOUSEHOLDS SINGLE – PERSON FAMILYSINGLE – PARENT FAMILYSTEP - PARENT FAMILYBLENDED – PARENT FAMILYNUCLEAR – PARENT FAMILYEXPANDED FAMILY GRANDPARENT FAMILYKINSHIP FAMILYUNMARRIED PARENT FAMAILY HOMOSEXUAL PARENT FAMILYHOMOSEXUAL/HETEROSEXUAL FAMILY NON - FAMILY COMBINATIONS OF ANY OF THESE

Never married 64.5 M 27.5% Divorced 25.0 M 10.6% Widowed 14.3 M 6.0% 103.5 M 44.1%Separated 5.5 M 2.4% Source: U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, 2012 Social & Economic Supplement                 44 % U.S. ADULTS NOT MARRIED (AGE 18+)

Growth of Single Person Households 1900 5% of all households 1960 13% of all households1970 17% of all households2012 28% of all households America's Families and Living Arrangements: 2012 http://www.census.gov/Press Release/www/releases/archives/familieshouseholds/013378.html  

Median Age at First Marriage Men Women2012 28.4 27.21990 26.1 23.91980 24.7 22.01970 23.2 20.81960 22.8 20.3 -2012 census bureau demographics

COHABITATION - U. S. 2011 – 15.6 million people cohabitating (2000 - 11 million) America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2012Over half of marriages preceded by cohabitation Over half 25 - 40 yr. olds have cohabitated21 % of all unmarried-partner households include children –Step Family Association of America

COMMON NEEDS/INTERESTS MARRIED & UNMARRIED ADULTS (adult classes address these)SALVATIONBAPTISMDISCIPLESHIPOBEDIENCE PRAYER LIFECOMMITMENTBIBLE TEACHINGSPIRITUAL GROWTH

UNIQUE NEEDS OF YOUNG & SINGLE ADULTS WHERE IN THE CHURCH ARE THESE ADDRESSED?Rearing kids aloneShared parenting Relating to my former spouseSexuality and singlenessMoney managementPeer FriendshipsLearning to forgive my exAccepting SinglenessDating/dating againDivorce RecoveryLiving with mom/dadUnderstanding emotionsGrief recoveryDealing with changesLearning to trust againLonelinessHumility Building an identitySingleness in a marriage & family-oriented churchCareer choice Pre-Marital educationRe-Marital education Blending familiesRelating to married adults Adjusting to Widowhood

Divorce/Remarriage Creates Single–Parent & Step Families 43 percent of first marriages divorce 160 percent of remarriages with children divorce 165 percent of remarriages with children from a prior marriage divorce 165 percent of simple stepfamilies (1 partner with a child) divorce 270 percent of complex stepfamilies (both partners have children) divorce 2 1 January 9, 2006, Newsweek, “The ‘Familymoon’” 2 In her book For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, Dr. Hetherington specifies the divorce rate for step-couples to be “50 percent higher in remarriages with stepchildren” Specifically, then, the divorce rate is 65-70%. (p. 178).

Single - Parent Family Step/Blended - Parent Family

FATHER-LESS KIDS 24 M children (nearly 4 /10) live in a home absent their father. Children growing up in father-absent households, compared to living with their two married parents:5 x more likely to be poor 3 x times more likely to fail at school 2 x more likely to suffer emotional/behavioral problem 10 x more likely to commit suicide as teenagers.  -Wade F. Horn, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, Gaithersburg, Md.

Needs of the Single Parent Acceptance UnderstandingAffirmationEncouragement Respite LoveVehicle repair assistance Financial assistance Time aloneMaterial assistance Home repair assistance Child care assistanceTime with adult friends

Challenges of the Single Parent Adjustment to singlenessFinding housingDual role as mother and fatherEmotional overloadSchedule overloadFinancial changesChanges in relationshipsDealing with ex-spouseDealing with death of parent Feelings of rejectionFeelings of guiltWondering about God’s willRestoring stability/security in kidsEncouraging/understanding the kids

MINISTRY TO SINGLE-PARENT FAMILIESDemographics demonstrate the need!12 million headed by females3 million headed by males30% U.S. families single-parent families24 million children live without dadMany churches - smaller percentage than society People’s lives motivate the need!Many needs/issues of single parents and their children not being addressed Where are they getting their information if not from the church?

MINISTRY TO SINGLE-PARENTS AND CHILDREN! Jesus communicates the need!Pure religion - Minister to orphans & widows (James 1:27) God defends the rights of orphans & widows (Ps. 146:9) People’s ministry potential validates the need! Impact - Single-parents & children raised for Christ!Jesus’ life authenticates the need!Let the children come to me”! (Matt. 19:14)

U.S. Step & Blended Families40% married couples with children are step-couples (24 million) 41 % U. S. weddings form stepfamilies. --National Center for Family & Marriage Research 2010  50% kids experience parents’ divorce by age18 --American Blended Family Association One - third divorced in 2008 were re- divorcing -National Center for Family & Marriage Research 2010 66% of stepfamily marriages divorce within 6 years --“Family” Barna Research -- American Blended Family Association 1300 U.S. blended families formed daily 81% say -“they don't know where to turn for help” -- American Blended Family Association -  

Challenges of Step Families Keeping nuclear bonds in balanceEstablishing strong bonds with step kidsDealing with the ex-spouse(s)Not expecting quick love & acceptance from step childrenAccepting more ambivalence is normal Providing neutral territory for each personKeeping primacy of the marriageAdjusting to new step brothers/sistersAllowing birth mom/dad to discipline his/her kids Treating spouse’s kids the same as biological kids

WHAT CAN THE CHURCH DO?

CLEARLY STATE DISTINCTLY CHRISTIAN VALUES! PEOPLE ARE WHOLE/COMPLETE MARRIED OR SINGLE!COL. 2:10 YOU ARE COMPLETE IN HIM!

ACCEPT, AFFIRM, ACCOMMODATE SINGLENESS Set banquet tables for 5, 7, 9 Charge single adults exactly half price Word event invitations sensitivelyInvite single adults to serve on leadership commitees Evaluate personal attitudes/thoughtsCheck/change your words & attitudes

ALLOW SINGLE ADULTS FULL PARTICIPATION CHOOSING LEADERSHIP…PASTORAL STAFFELDERSDEACONSCHURCH BOARDMISSIONS BOARD SMALL GROUP LEADERSADULT CLASS TEACHERSDo you think of married adults first?% of single adults in leadership equal % in the church?

SINGLE ADULTS HAVE… MORE FREEDOM TO SERVETO LEAD MORE FLEXIBILITYSCHEDULETRAVELLIVING LOCATIONTIME (except single parents)

REJECT STEREOTYPES/MYTHS Single Adults: Are richAre “on the prowl”Are irresponsibleNeed to get marriedAre a threat to my spouse EMPHASIZE ADULTHOOD, not marriage. PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO DEVELOP OPPOSITE - SEX FRIENDSHIPSI Cor. 11:11- In God’s plan, men and women need each other. (Living Bible)Parents & Pastors – Want single kids to marry

PREPARE PEOPLE FOR INEVITABLE SEASON OF SINGLENESS MARRIED - One heartbeat away from singlenessYOU MAY NOT NEED the Single Adult Ministry today. You may by Tuesday!DIVORCE – It takes 2 to marry – 1 to divorceTEACH PEOPLE to be kingdom – seekers, not mate - seekers

THREE SINGLE ADULTS WHO CHANGED THE WORLD! OUR FAITH IS BASED UPON: A Jewish single adult from GalileeWhose ministry was preceded by a single adult named John the BaptistAnd whose mission thrust was modeled by a single adult named Paul

DEMONSTRATE … ACCEPTANCE………..LOVE………………FORGIVENESS………..HEALING………………RECONCILIATION……

MINISTER TO ALL TYPES OF “FAMILIES” & HOUSEHOLDS SINGLE – PERSON FAMILYSINGLE – PARENT FAMILYSTEP - PARENT FAMILYBLENDED – PARENT FAMILYNUCLEAR – PARENT FAMILYEXPANDED FAMILY GRANDPARENT FAMILYKINSHIP FAMILYUNMARRIED PARENT FAMAILY HOMOSEXUAL PARENT FAMILYHOMOSEXUAL/HETEROSEXUAL FAMILY NON - FAMILY COMBINATIONS OF ANY OF THESE

PROVIDE RELEVANT TEACHING AND DISCUSSION Peer friendshipsDating/dating againSexuality & related issuesAccepting singlenessSingle parentingOvercoming lonelinessDivorce recoveryManaging moneyManaging timePre-marital education Re-marital educationWidowhood issues ForgivenessSelf esteem, identityStep-parenting issues

AFFIRM AND ASSIST SINGLE - PARENT FAMILIES …RespiteRole models for childrenAdopt a family at holidaysChristmas giving treeHome repairsClothing exchangeFree childcare - church eventsSubsidize costs – church eventsFree oil change Support groupsRecycled Christmas

Minister to Blended/Step Families Rose - Colored Glasses1) Our marriage will be fine We love each other!2) The kids will love our new familyConfusion, manipulation, guilt, new stress Sometimes against new marriage

Rose - colored glasses… 3) Our pasts won’t affect our new familyDoes affect the familyAssume marriage will be betterBecome disillusioned4) We’ll work together easily to parent childrenParenting styles are differentResentment over trying to correct “my” children

GOD LOVES ALL FAMILY TYPES Nuclear family (1st marriage) Single adult family (living alone or with others) Remarried family (1st, 2nd, 3rd) Stepparent/Blended family Separated family Single – parent familyJohn 1:27, Ps. 146:9Divorced familyWoman at well – John 4 Woman in adultery - John 8Widowed familyPs 68:5-6 Mal. 3:5 …And all other family types!

What Are YOU Doing To… Accept… Love… Forgive… Heal… All types of families & households?

Discussion Ministry to Single Adults & Their Families1. Do you think the percentage of single adults in your church equals the percentage of single adults in society? (44 percent) Why/why not? 2. Has the growth of singleness in society affected your church & ministry? If so, How? 3. What is your church doing to minister to/with young adults (18 - 35 yr.)? Single adults? (35 - 65 yr.)Ministry to Married Adults & Their Families1. How have cultural changes regarding marriage and the diverse family types affected your church & ministry?2. What do you consider to be the top 2 challenges of ministry to families today? 3. What is your church doing to address these challenges?

Having trouble reading this? View email in your browser.Share this email: Email: info@singleandparenting.orgwww.singleandparenting.org/startagroup Phone: 800-395-5755International: 919-562-2112 *Children under the age of 18 who live with their own single parent. Data from the Population Reference Bureau analysis of data from the US Census Bureau (2011), via the Annie E. Casey Foundation.

RESOURCES/WEBSITES Family Discipleship Ministries www.parentingministry.org Resources for single parents, their kids and ministry leaders. Schedule of seminars for children of single parents.Blended Family Tapestry www.blendingfamily.com Excellent material for single parents and blending families. Available for seminars and conferences, I know Don and Jenetha Partridge personally and highly recommend them .Single Parents Association www.singleparents.org A membership organization of single parents, (SPA) was formed to provide education, resources, friendship and camaraderie, as well as, FUN activities for single parents and their children. 

RESOURCES/WEBSITES Center for Single Parent family Ministry www.spfm.org Our mission is to inform, equip and connect leaders in Single-Parent Family Ministry. Assemblies of God Single Adult Website www.singles.ag.org Resources (free & purchase) for single parents and leaders of single - parent ministries.Christian Single - Parent Network www.cspn.org Information for and about single parents and SPF ministers. Devotionals, events and network information.Center for Single – Parent Family Ministries http://www.spfm.org Resources for single parents, their kids and ministry leaders. Schedule of seminars for children of single parents.

Resources/Websites Parenting Solo Devotionals http://psdevotionals.blogspot.com/ A blog created by Doug Mead, a single adult leader at Cornerstone Fellowship in Livermore, CA. Affair Recovery http://www.affairrecovery.com/ Affair Recovery offers hope, support, and recovery for couples and individuals who have suffered the pain resulting from infidelity, betrayal, or sexual addictionChanging Families http://www.changingfamilies.com/ Making a difference for kids by making it work for their parents

Resources/Websites Hope For Single Moms http://www.hope4singlemoms.com/ Excellent, video curriculum ….To reach every single mom, everywhere, every day. Dad’s 4 Life http://dads4life.org/ Single Parent Dads…4Life Resources is here for you!.. Extending a helping hand in many situations for Soul, Mind, Body and Spirit!” Parenting Families http://www.parentingfamilies.com/aboutvideo.asp Thinking "we" can transform your family. Thinking "we" means responding to situations with a "how are we going to handle this?" attitude instead of "what am I going to do now?" attitude. Blending Family http://www.blendingfamily.com Dedicated to the restoration of single parent and blended families.

Young Adult Resources www.youngadults.ag.orgwww.barna.orgwww.sermonspice.comwww.leonardsweet.comwww.loveinaction.orgwww.higwayvideo.comwww.relevantmagazine.comwww.theooze.comwww.campuscrusade.comwww.youtube.comwww.jordoncooper.comwww.rightnow.orgwww.outreach.com www.bluefishtv.com (pastoral pack)www.worhshiphousemedia.com

Young Adult/Single Adult Resources Young Adult Ministry in the 21st Century – Group Every Single Man’s Battle - Stephen Arterburn/Fred Stoeker Every Single Woman’s Battle - by Shannon EthridgeUnchristian – David KinnamanWhen the Enemy Strikes – Charles StanleyIn a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day – Mark Betterson Off – Road Disciplines – Earl CrepsStrong Women, Soft Hearts – Paula Rhinehart What’s So Great About Discipleship – Dinesh D’ SouzaOut of the Box – John OrtbergWalk on Water – John Ortberg Twenty Something – Margaret FeinbergOrganic God – Margaret FeinbergThe Emerging Church – Dan Kimball

Resources – DVD’s/Videos Driven By Eternity – John BevereDrawing Near – John BevereLove and Respect – Emerson EggerichLiving Pure In An Impure World – Dennis FranckSong of Solomon – Tommy Nelson Faith Lessons - Ray van der Laan36 ParablesSermon Spice