A New Look at Paradigm Feeling Thoughts Behavior Habit 1 Some frustrating situations My servant makes me MAD My teacher doesnt help me in learning He makes me sooooo angry I couldn ID: 630619
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Habit 1Being Proactive
Dr. Kanwal KaisserSlide2
A New Look at Paradigm
Feeling
Thoughts
Behavior
Habit 1Slide3
Some frustrating situations?
My servant makes me MAD
My teacher doesn’t help me in learning
He makes me sooooo angryI
couldn’t complete my work because of himI reached late because of trafficSlide4
Habit 1Key to unlocking all other habits
I am the force
I am the captain of my life
I can choose my attitudeI am responsible for my own happiness or unhappinessSlide5Slide6
Social Mirror
Opinions, perceptions and paradigms of the people around usSlide7
Social Maps
Our NatureSlide8
Genetic Determinism Slide9
Psychic DeterminismSlide10
Environmental DeterminismSlide11
Stimulus
ResponseSlide12
وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَىٰ خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ
)Al-Qalam:4(Slide13
Proactivity DefinedResponse-AbilitySlide14
Need a Pause ButonSlide15
Stimulus
ResponseSlide16
Self-Awareness: Ability to act instead of react. I can stand apart from myself and observe my thoughts and actions.
Conscience:
Moral sense and moral
power. I can listen to my inner voice to know right from wrong.
Imagination: Ability to envision something entirely different from your past experience. I can envision new possibilities. . Will Power:
Power to take action. I have power to choose. Slide17
Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our happiness.
وَمَا أَصَابَكُم مِّن مُّصِيبَةٍ فَبِمَا كَسَبَتْ أَيْدِيكُمْ وَيَعْفُو عَن كَثِيرٍ
Whatever
misfortune happens to you, is because on the things your hands have wrought, and for many (of them) He grants forgiveness. (Ash-Shura:30)Slide18
Pause Button in Relationships
You say things you don
’
t mean.You do things you regret later. Helps you develop ability to act based on principles and values rather than reacting based on emotions or circumstances.Slide19
Proactive vs ReactiveSlide20
Proactive lifestyle leads to…
Healthy
attitude
Good time management skillsAchieve
targets Continuously seek opportunities to improve oneselfDecisive and in control of a situationSlide21Slide22Slide23
Proactive PeopleSolutions to problems; not problems themselvesSlide24
25-50 % difference
5000 % difference Slide25
Habit 1 in Our Paradigms
Feeling
Thoughts
Behavior
ProactivitySlide26
(
Adh-Dhariyaat
)Slide27
Its all about choice !!Slide28
Proactivity in our IbadahSlide29
Focus for Proactivity?How large is your circle?Slide30Slide31
What Bothers People
weather
Some relatives
My skin color
Politics
My room mess
Traffic
Condition
of
Ummah
Pollution
Communication skills
Kids studies
College studies
Kids
Tarbiyah
Past regrets
My health
Routines
Current relationships
Procrastination
That nagging relative
Policies at work
Siblings
My temper
Social
networking addiction
What others say about me
Natural disasters
Brand conscious life
Work opportunities
Load shedding
Low
level of
EmanSlide32
Check your focusNo Concern
Circle of Concern Slide33
Place issues in concerns or influence
Circle of Influence
Circle of Concern Slide34Slide35Slide36Slide37
Self-Inflicted Emotional Myopia
Circle of Concern
Circle of InfluenceSlide38
Vision for Family Relationships Slide39
The other end of the stickConsequences/ MistakesSlide40
Result of Proactivity We are not free to choose the consequences of the actions
Consequences reside in Circle of Concern
When we pick up on end of stick, we pick up other
If we have choice to make over again, we would make it differently (Mistakes)We cant recall, undo or control mistakes doneSlide41
Deeper Thought
Circle of Influence
Circle of Concern
Consequences
Mistakes
Commitments
PromisesSlide42
Where to startDevelop Proactive Capacity Slide43
Build Emotional Bank AccountSlide44
Compassion and no AccusationSlide45
Habit 1 and RelationshipsEvery problem is opportunity to make a depositSlide46
Empowering aspect of Emotional Bank Account
Somebody's “bad day” becomes and opportunity to be kind
An offense becomes an opportunity to apologize, to forgive
Somebody's gossip becomes an opportunity to be loyal, to quietly defend those not presentSlide47
Instead of making withdrawal by
You make deposit by
Speaking disrespectfully, putting people down, or acting in rude or discourteous ways
Being kind
Never saying ‘I am Sorry’ or saying it insincerely Apologizing Criticizing, complaining, and talking about others in negative ways when they
are not around
Being loyal to those who not present
Never making commitments to anyone, or making commitments but rarely following through
Making and keeping promises
Being quick to make offense, holding
grudges, throwing peoples past mistakes
upto
them and nurturing grievances
Forgiving Slide48
Determine your proactivity!
HomeWork
!!!Slide49
Develop Proactivity Pick one situation in past one week, when you responded in reactive way? Describe it in detail.
Think of few proactive responses you might have used in the same situation. Write them. Slide50
Deeper Focus….What are you unhappy or frustrated about?
Write situations where you feel powerless, hopeless or used?
What is stimulus to your frustration or unhappiness?
How did you response?What other choices exist?Slide51
Another Dimension…
Measure
how important the situation is to you on scale of 1-5
Assess your initial reaction (frustration, anger, fear)See
the stimulus/response model in your mindThink about a proactive responseEngage or exitReview your performance to see how proactive you wereSlide52
To get in touch….
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser
Dr. Kanwal Kaisser @
HamarayBachchay
hbheadoffice@gmail.com