Encouraging cooperative behaviour at home - PowerPoint Presentation

Slide1

Encouraging cooperative behaviour at home

Madhavi Nawana Parker

(

B.A

Psych;Grad

Dip Rehab;

C.M.A.C.A

)

Behaviour ConsultantSlide2

Behaviour

All children

experience

difficult periods where their actions are inappropriate, inconsiderate

and

embarrassing for their

parents

.

Inappropriate, inconsiderate behaviour does not reflect problematic parenting styles or abilities. It

is inevitable.

Children react to situations that are unfavourable according to 1) Their developmental abilities 2) their emotional temperament and 3) the response from adults (controlling or guiding).

When we see behaviour we like, it tells us that our child feels good about the situation and they feel good about themselves.

When we see behaviour that we don’t like it tells us that our child is feeling uncomfortable about the situation and unhappy about themselves. Slide3

Remember…

There are no naughty children. There are only children that have

lost self control or are reacting to a difficult situation with limited skills.

The only way for children to learn to be considerate is to test the limits, explore and experiment.

Along this path to consideration there will be HUGE mistakes! Mistakes are inevitable and should not be punished.

Mistakes

are

sometimes the

very behaviours that make us feel uncomfortable.

When we feel uncomfortable we don’t always react how we would like to-especially when we have an audience.Slide4

Wise words once said…

“When a person is drowning, that is not the time to give swimming lessons”Slide5

Remember

Feelings and thinking are like oil and water. They do not mix.

Thinking

will

return once

feelings

have been restored.

Most children need

help

to restore their emotions.

We can restore emotions by increasing proximity and comforting them. For some children, only time away (not time out) will help them restore emotion.Slide6

But what about us parents??!!

Out of control emotions are hard to handle

Inconsiderate behaviour is annoying and embarrassingSometimes the behaviour is so awful that the thought of bringing our children close and comforting them is disturbing in itself!Slide7

Help! What do we do then?

Run away!

Breathe slowly and deeply.

Speak positively to yourself. For example you could tell yourself, “I am calm.”

Reassure your child (e.g. “I love you and I am going to help you soon”)

Give a short explanation about why you can’t help right now (e.g. “I am feeling cross and I need to go to my room and listen to some music until I feel calm”)

Give your child something to do (preferably something pleasant) e.g. “you can read your comics while I calm down.” Hopefully engaging in something pleasant will help the child calm too.Slide8

What we can do in our children’s environment

Build on relationships between each other and especially between siblings.

Find ways to ensure everyone knows that they “belong”

Allow everyone to contribute to the home in some way.

Remember the 3 C’s (Capable, Connected, Contributes)Slide9

Some ways to highlight to our children how pleased we are with them

Attention

GossipHand ticksBe a clownFriendly non verbal feedback (winks, high fives, thumbs up, tousle hair etc)Praise the process, not the product. Praise the action not the child.Slide10

Empathy

In typical development toddlers as young as 6 months old show concern when another baby or toddler is upset.

Toddlers will often check that another child is okay when they are hurt. They might also try to comfort them.The development of empathy helps us in the social world. Through empathy we show we care and friendships develop through mutual empathySlide11

Supporting the development of Empathy

Empathy can be and should be worked on.

We develop empathy by experiencing empathy.

Not all children pick up the signals that they are being empathised with. These children need it spelt out to them.

The “fast food rule” Slide12

How to show empathy

Being empathic should

ALWAYS

be your first point of call.

When showing empathy and helping a child calm down try getting down just below their eye level.

When asserting authority sit slightly above their eye level but still stay close to their height.

Whoever is most upset always goes first.Slide13

Things to try

Empathise with either the fast food rule or with the “

I understand that it is fun to throw sand through your hair.

I don’t like you doing it because

it is hard to get out without it hurting you.

What can we do about this?

We can keep playing with the sand without putting it in your hair or we can find something else to do.

What have you decided?

Time in and time away

Grant a wish

Talk about their physical feelings, teach them to express feelings

Whisper

Be silly/ weakSlide14

Family expectations

Why?

Here are ours

Friendly words, gentle actions, quiet listening, try our best.

They apply to everyone including adultsSlide15

MRI scan showing impact of diaphragmatic breathing Slide16

Social skills

Teaching social competence is the best behaviour management for all children.

Start by teaching the purpose of having good social skills.

Then teach one skill at a time starting with the easiest.

Make sure everyone working with and around your child knows what the skill is. Slide17

How to teach a new social skill

Give an explanation

Role Model Role PlayDiscuss where the skill might be usedCheck for understandingProvide plenty of prompts and cues for using the skillSlide18

Final thoughts

Children need our time, our love and our understanding… nothing more.

We are human. We are doing the most challenging job in the world. It is impossible to be consistent, understanding and responsive all the time. Children do just fine with this reality.

You will not be in this challenging period forever. When your child is independent, letting you have a conversation with another adult without interrupting, sitting next to a sibling at the table without poking them and not saying, “poo poo” every second word you will actually miss this time of challenge and adventure!