John R Trimble Mentor Sentences Mentor Sentences What do you notice about the following sentences Using an imagesentence from your own writing or something random write your own sentence using the structure and concepts from the following ID: 461727
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Slide1
"As writers, we learn most of what we know just by watching the pros, don't we?"
~John R. TrimbleSlide2
Mentor Sentences
Mentor Sentences
:
What
do you notice about the following
sentences?
Using
an image/sentence from your own writing, or something random, write your own sentence using the structure and concepts from the following. Slide3
Mentor Sentences
"
The moon was a thin, bright machete cutting its way through patches of clouds"
- In
the Time of the Butterflies
, by Julia Alvarez, p. 89.
"From above,
Assef's
screams went on and on, the cries of a wounded animal."
-
Khaled
Hosseini's
The Kite Runner
, p. 291
"On
occasion the
war was like a Ping-Pong ball. You could put fancy spin on it, you could make it dance."
- The
Things They Carried
p. 32Slide4
Tips to Create Metaphor/Simile
Isolate
a Characteristic.
Novelists often try to pick a single remarkable feature of a character to describe. Trying to give a complete image of an entire person would be incredibly difficult.
Vivid is Better.
Which creates a stronger image in your mind, “She was cold”–or–“She felt as if the wind was biting at her with small, icy teeth.” When looking for metaphors, visual impact is more important than perfect accuracy.
Draw it Out.
If finding a metaphor is difficult for you, pull up a piece of paper and start drawing concepts out.
The 10-Year Old Rule.
Ask yourself if you could explain your metaphor to a ten-year old.
Your
goal with metaphors is to take an abstract or complex idea and anchor it down into something easy to understand.Slide5
Style Analysis: DICTIONSlide6
Diction Review
The words
diction
and
language
are terms that you will use interchangeably when you analyze an author’s style. These words all refer to the
author’s word choice
.Slide7
Denotation
dictionary definition
Connotation
suggested meaning
The words
plump
and
obese
both literally describe a person who is overweight. This is the dictionary definition of both words.
Denotation vs. ConnotationSlide8
The word
plump
has the connotation of being pleasantly fat, almost cutely overweight. Its connotation describes women more often than men. It is this extra “emotional” feeling that shows how we use the word.
The word
obese
, often used by medical personnel, has a more technical connotation. It carries a less emotional, more scientific or clinical emotional tag. Slide9
Now you try
Generate a list of words you would use to describe
a dwelling where a person may live.
Discuss, with your partner, the various emotional “tags” associated with each of the dwellings you listed. How are they subtly connotatively different from one another, even though they share the same connotative meaning?Slide10
What about this sentence?
The boy
surveyed
the class, congratulating himself for
snatching
the highest grade on the test.Slide11
What about this sentence?
The boy
surveyed
the class, congratulating himself for
snatching
the highest grade on the test.
Two words are important here:
surveyed
and
snatching
. They are the words with the strongest connotations.Slide12
Writing commentary for your diction analysis
“surveyed”
“snatching”
conveys the idea of someone looking around as if he were a king gazing down on lesser beings
YOU TRY THE COMMENTARYSlide13
Group practice/model:
“The Rattler”
R
ead “The Rattler”
Annotate the excerpt for words that have strong connotations, especially words that reflect the man’s attitude toward the snake and his task at handSlide14
Diction paragraph: brainstorming
“arrested”
“live wire”
“little tocsin”
frozen in time, caught by a force stronger than the snake
adversary meets adversary, electric feeling, potential danger
an alarm, a warning bell on a shipSlide15
Style Analysis: DETAILSSlide16
Mentor Sentence
"Just as we were reaching the car, we heard a commotion coming from the woods. Something was crashing through the brush – and breathing very heavily. It sounded like what you might hear in a
slasher
film. And it was coming our way. We froze, staring into the darkness. The sound grew louder and closer. Then in a flash the thing burst into the clearing and came charging in our direction, a yellow blur. A very big yellow blur. As it galloped past, not stopping, not even seeming to notice us, we could see it was a large Labrador retriever. But it was nothing like the sweet Lily we had just cuddled with inside. This one was soaking wet and covered up to its belly in mud and burrs. Its tongue hung out wildly to one side, and froth flew off its jowls as it barreled past."
Marley and Me
p. 9, John Grogan Slide17
Part III: DETAILS
Details are literal, concrete, or factual description (in other words, NOT figurative language); think “imagery”
Who, what, when, where
Remember
Diction
connotative vocabulary
Details literal descriptionSlide18
Details are literal
Who? What? When? Where? Why?
Example:
“turned a little to watch what I would do”
This supplies DATA/EVIDENCE to the reader; it helps us visualize the snake turning around as it sits on the desert sandSlide19
Group Practice:
Read “The Rattler” (again
)
With a different color pen or highlighter from what you used for the diction analysis, highlight any examples of details or imagery that strike you as significantSlide20
Sample Analysis for
“The Rattler”
Quotation/Data
“turned a little to watch”
go “back to the ranch house, [get] a hoe, and [return]”
Commentary/Warrant
afraid or hesitant
casual reaction to trivial interruption
calm watching of a possible threatSlide21
Active and Passive Voice
“To Be” Verbs:
Am
Is
Are
Was
Were
Be
BeenSlide22
Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences
structurally
?
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when she was attacked by a walrus. Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.”
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on the shore.”
- Dave Myers Slide23
Mentor Sentences: What’s the difference between the two sentences
structurally
?
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach yesterday when
she
was attacked
by a walrus
.
Her body was dragged into the ocean and was later found by beachcombers.”
“Nancy Sinatra was walking along the beach when a walrus attacked her. The walrus dragged her into the ocean and ate her, resulting in a massive case of indigestion. Beachcombers later found her remains on the shore.”
- Dave Myers Slide24
How to Recognize Active and Passive Sentences
Identify the
subject
of the sentence.
Identify the
action
that the sentence identifies.
Examine
the relationship
between the subject and verb.
Does the subject perform the action of the verb? (If so, the sentence is
active
.)
Does the subject sit there while something else -- named or unnamed -- performs an action on it? (If so, the sentence is
passive
.)
Can't tell?
If the main verb is a linking verb ("is," "was," "are," "seems," etc.), then the verb functions like an equals sign; there is no action (either active or passive) involved -- it merely describes
a
state of being
. Slide25
Basic Examples
I love you.
subject
: "I"
action
: "loving"
relationship
: The subject ("I") is the one performing the action ("loving").
The sentence is active.
You are loved by me. subject: "you" action: "loving" relationship: The subject ("You") sits passively while the action ("loving") is performed by somebody else ("me").
This sentence is passive.Slide26
Difference between Passive Voice and Past Tense
Many people confuse the
passive voice
with the
past tense
. The most common passive constructions also happen to be past tense (
e.g.
"I've been framed"), but "voice" has to do with
who
, while "tense" has to do with
when.
Active Voice
Passive Voice
Past tense
I taught; I learned.
I was (have been) taught [by someone]; It was (has been) learned [by someone].
Present Tense
I teach; I learn.
I am [being] taught [by someone]; It is [being] learned [by someone].
Future Tense
I will teach; I will learn.
I will be taught [by someone]; It will be learned [by someone]..Slide27
Mentor Sentences
“And the uncles, the aunts, the cousins, the nieces, the nephews, that lived in those walls, the gibbering pack of tree apes that said nothing, nothing, nothing and said it loud, loud, loud.”
Ray Bradbury's
Fahrenheit 451
, p. 44
"I was too good for this war. Too smart, too compassionate, too everything."
- Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried, p. 41 Slide28
Anaphora
Origin
: From the Greek
ἀν
αφορά (anafora), meaning “to bring back” or “to carry back
”.
In plain English:
Repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive sentences or clauses
.Slide29
Anaphora
Effect
:
Key
words or ideas are emphasized, often with great emotional
pull.
Repetition
makes the line
memorable.
The
speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.Slide30
Anaphora Examples
“
I
came,
I
saw,
I
conquered.”
— Julius Caesar, shortly after the Battle of
Zela
, 47 BC“We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills …”
— Winston Churchill, House of Commons, London, England, 4 June 1940Slide31
Anaphora Examples
“If Margret Thatcher wins,
I warn you not to be
ordinary,
I warn you not to be
young,
I warn you not to
fall ill,
I warn you not to
get old.”
— Neil Kinnock, Bridgend, Wales, 7 June 1983“As you know, we’ve got the iPod, best music player in the world. We’ve got the iPod Nanos, brand new models, colors are back. We’ve got the amazing new iPod Shuffle.”— Steve Jobs, Macworld 2007 Keynote AddressSlide32
Epistrophe
Origin
: From the Greek ἐπ
ιστροφή
(
epistrofi
), meaning “turning about” or “upon turning
”.
In plain English:
Repetition of a word or phrase at the end of successive sentences or clauses
.Slide33
Epistrophe
Effect:
T
he emphasis is on the last word(s) of a series of sentences or phrases, so it can be dramatic.
It is particularly effective when one wishes to emphasize a concept, idea or situation.
Repetition makes the lines memorable.
The speaker’s words have rhythm and cadence.Slide34
Epistrophe
Examples
“… that government of
the people
, by
the people
, for
the people
, shall not perish from the earth.“
— Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg Address, 19 November 1863“There is no Negro problem. There is no Southern problem. There is no Northern problem. There is only an American problem.”— Lyndon Johnson, Washington, D.C., 15 March 1965Slide35
Epistrophe
Examples
“Our struggle has reached a decisive
moment
. We call on our people to seize this
moment
, so that the process towards democracy is rapid and uninterrupted. … I have fought against white
domination
and I have fought against black
domination
.”— Nelson Mandela, Cape Town, 11 February 1990“I left campus knowing little about the millions of young people cheated out ofeducational opportunities here in this country. And I knew nothing about the millions of people living in unspeakable poverty and disease in developing countries.”— Bill Gates, Harvard University address, 7 June 2007