Interactive training for working through conflicts and moving forward with faith perspectives Animal VillageOr Your Last Council Meeting or Family Gathering Duck Church We Are Hardwired Good News Bad News ID: 918786
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Slide1
Conflict Resolution
We Can’t Get Along Without it!
Interactive training for working through conflicts and moving forward with faith perspectives.
Slide2Animal Village…Or: Your Last Council Meeting
or Family Gathering
Slide3Duck Church
Slide4We Are Hardwired
Slide5Good News/ Bad News!
Conflict resolution does not mean you always get everything you want.
Slide6Why would I think we need new carpet?
Slide7Carpet Committee
Not show dirt?
Match stained glass windows?
Not make Elan look like the carpet?
Other?
Here is what happened:
Slide8Mogen David Red
Slide9For the Baptists! Welch Grape Purple!
Slide10Conflict: who needs it?
How many see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs?
Slide11When I say Conflict you say:
Destructive
Chaotic
Healthy
Miserable
Disruptive
???
Slide12The Perils of Parallel Parking and the Perks
Slide13Conflict Free Zone
Slide14Practice skills to resolve disagreements
You will be better prepared for the mega conflicts
Mega conflicts may never happen
In emergency situations you will be more capable (individually and as a group) of responding appropriately
Share viewpoints
Slide15Conflict Free Zone
Slide16Dr. Alice Stewart/ the blessings of those that will tell you when you are wrong.
Margaret Heffernan Dare to Disagree
https://www.ted.com/talks/margaret_heffernan_dare_to_disagree?language=en
Do not show this unless you have time to do so in its entirety,
(12 minutes, 48 seconds) honoring the ted.com request for educational use.
Slide17The great divide….
Slide18The great divide…over toilet paper!
Slide19More specifically, over or under?
Slide20Ever wonder about the earliest cave drawings?
Slide21Before Flannel Graphs and PowerPoints!
Slide22World Café Model
Plastic tablecloths
Colored markers
Round tables (or card tables, or use ends of rectangular tables)
Little vase with flower
People (or ducks)
A concern
A timer
Slide23World Cafe
Slide24Let me count the ways World Café Works
1. Comfortable way to gather all are familiar with
2. Diverse opinions shared and listened to
3. Then as traveling between groups,
reshared
by those that may oppose
4. Communicate ideas for forward movement
5. Facilitates we, us and group ownership
6. All contribute
7. ?
Slide25Workshop 2
1.Circle Conversations
2. Deep Listening
3. Kindness and Generosity
4. Nurturing Relationships
5. Social Capital
(The Parable of the Apple)
6. Where Two or More or Gathered
Slide26Possibilities for talking pieces
Slide27Why Circle Conversations Work
1. Eliminates people talking over the top of each other and hijacking topics
2. Offers the opportunity for everyone to contribute and shape outcome/process
3. Space to think before responding
4. Shared ownership
Slide28Deep Listening
Slide29Deep Listening
The gift of being heard
A teachable skill
Does have life changing potential
Slide30Interactive Deep Listening Exercise
Read from
Beyond Measure,
by Margaret
Hefferman
Pair off into twos. Person one asks a nontrivial question:
What would you do if you could do anything you wanted?
What is your biggest joy in life?
How are you really?
Slide31Can this relationship be saved?
Slide32Updated!
Slide33Lasting relationships
What two traits contribute to lasting relationships:
http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11
Watch with your group, also see study in Blink
Slide34Time for a little Toby Keith?
. In my world I would love to share Toby Keith’s song, therefore I am including it just for your personal edification, use at your own risk!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIexLB86Do0
Slide35Improv!
Improv
1: You slob!
Slide36Improv time!
Improv
2: This makes me feel:
Slide37The Parable of the Apple
Slide38What is happening here?
Slide39Pecking Order at Work:
Importance of social connectedness
http://www.ted.com/talks/margaret_heffernan_why_it_s_time_to_forget_the_pecking_order_at_work?language=en
Don’t show this unless you have time: 15:47
Fantastic!
Slide40How might this be improved
1. Share wisdom
2. Listening
3. Seriously consider ideas offered
4. Create social capital/community
5. Provide opportunities for all to share meaningfully
6. ?
Slide41Where two or more are gathered…
Slide42Nurturing Relationships
Fika
Building relationships
Social Connectedness (Social Capital)
The importance of safe space
Slide43Now we’re talking!
Slide44Moving Forward
Always be looking for opportunities to build Social Connectedness
Retreats!
Small – Medium size Group, have a Circle Conversation (using an apple as a talking piece!)
Assign one person in a discussion to play devil’s advocate
Either assign, or be the person who encourages others to share thoughts
Large group, World Café Model
Hackathon!
Slide45Workshop 3
Dissecting (Defining) a Conflict
Conflict, Not just Fight or Flight
Conflict Transformation
(Time Out/ Time In)
Avoiding Avoidance
Conflict Resolution Skills (Can We Talk?)
Stalemate
Slide46We want to avoid this!
Slide47The Benefits of Dissecting a Conflict Situation
Why we should:
How to do it:
What to keep
Learn
Grow
Slide48You Should Address
Constant atmosphere of anxiety
Top Down Hierarchy as only tool
(if all you have is a hammer everything starts looking like a nail!)
Anything that is contributing to an unsafe policy/situation
Slide49Survival!
Slide50Conflict, Not Just Fight or Flight
How does conflict make you feel?
Rising blood pressure
Heart beating faster
Hands getting sweaty
Face Flushing
Slide51Ted talk by Kelly
McGonigal
https://www.ted.com/search?q=make+stress+your+friend
Do not show this clip unless you have time to share in its entirety,
(14 min and 23 seconds) thus honoring ted.com
Slide52Slide53Traditional timeout
Slide54Time in
Slide55Amygdala
Slide56When Amygdala should and shouldn’t drive
Slide57Time to pick a new driver
Slide58Avoiding Avoidance
Sweeping stuff under the rug
Waiting for things to go away on their own
Failure to deal with issues
Slide59Avoiding Avoidance
Slide60Is this your current go to?
Sweep it under the rug.
Ignoring it.
Hope it will go away.
Walking to the other side of the street to avoid someone you disagree with.
Throw more money at it.
Fire everyone who disagrees with you.
Refusing to speak to someone you are upset with.
What else?
Quit; Job, Relationship, Divorce… Life
Slide61Better strategy
Learn methods of healthy dialog
Be willing to engage in conversation
Not be afraid of conflict, see it as opportunity for growth
Do not see the other as an adversary, see each other as a fellow human (or duck)
Listen deeply
Welcome those offering opposing viewpoints
?
Slide62Icebreakers how and why
Slide63Can we talk?
What are some of the common culprits of dialog destruction in the world today?
What are some solutions?
Slide64Stalemate
Mini Hackathon
Trained Mediator
The Stalemate Buster
Slide65Stalemate Buster
Slide66Wait rabbits can’t fly! Or, can they?