By Christine Behlmann East Never let the sun go down upon your anger Beware of the four most challenging emotions Fear anger jealousy and despair Dont let these emotions rule your life because they can sometimes come in handy ID: 258653
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Difficult Emotions and Emotional Intelligence
By: Christine Behlmann
EastSlide2
“Never let the sun go down upon your anger”
Beware of the four most challenging emotions
Fear, anger, jealousy, and despair
Don’t let these emotions rule your life because they can sometimes come in handy
hard-wired responses that draw attention to vital issues and galvanize reactions in threatening situationsSlide3
Unskillful Responses
If these emotions should be dealt with unskillfully, than someone will most likely get hurt
Displacing anger
We suffer from three major errors:
Judging or condemning difficult emotions as bad or evil
Ignoring or defensively pushing painful emotions out of awareness
Indulging or inflaming them, for example, by nursing feelings of resentment toward someone who hurt us and gleefully plotting revengeSlide4
Error #1
Judging difficult emotions as bad or evil could end up driving a person crazy!
The emotions will continue to arise as life throws up its inevitable challenges, but now we add an unnecessary and painful burden
Whether we want to feel angry and scared or not, it doesn’t matter because life will throw whatever it wants at us
However, these feelings can be stooped by declaring a truce and by learning to accept painful emotions as a natural and normal part of lifeSlide5
Error #2
Ignoring or defensively pushing painful emotions out of awareness can be detrimental to one’s health and those around us
If we repress anger we may be unaware of it in ourselves but defensively project it onto others
Your mad at your boyfriend but you repress that anger and instead lash out at your mom for something silly
In this case, psychologists call it
dyslexathymia
Basically meaning that we are out of touch with our emotions due to burying so many of them Slide6
Error #3
Indulging or inflaming these emotions does not end up helping in the long run
Instead we should try to find appropriateness, balance, and equanimity of this emotion
Equanimity means the capacity to experience the inevitable ups and downs of life without being thrown into wild emotional swings
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Every feeling has its value and significance no matter how hurtful or painful… there’s always a reason
Unfortunately, the emotions we deal with most in this case would be fear and anger
Possibly the most difficult among all emotionsSlide7
The Fantasy of Fear
This is a natural and valuable emotion that plays a vital role in warning us of danger
However, most people misuse fear and allow it to constrict us in life
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”
We do not usually fear reality, what is actually happening, but rather our own thoughts and fantasies about what may happen
FEAR spells it out for us
“False Experience Appearing Real”Slide8
The Agony of Anger
Unfortunately, spiritual traditions regard uncontrolled rage as one of the greatest causes of suffering and barriers to awakening.
“cognitive incapacitation” means that rage has fogged our thinking and actual emotions
Research suggests that anger plays a lethal role in two of the deadliest medical disorders: heart disease and cancer
Therefore, reducing anger can literally save your life
However, in rare cases it may be essential to express anger
Right a wrong, stop someone from doing harm, or to get someone to finally hear you out
Study after study has found that ventilation and vengeance leave people feeling more enraged, not less.Slide9
How to help with the Aggression
Think of Zen story
His own rage brought hell to him and those he attacked
Being humble and listening was his key to heaven
The great religions offer three approaches:
Mastering and reducing difficult emotions, especially fear and anger
Cultivating attitudes such as gratitude and generosity that foster love
Cultivating love itselfSlide10
Helping you with the LLG 3
www.christinebehlmann.weebly.com