Q1: Overcoming Destructive Emotions & Behaviors - PowerPoint Presentation

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Q1: Overcoming Destructive Emotions & BehaviorsQ2: Fundamentals of Successful Marriage Part 1: Getting The Basics Right!Part 2: Basic Ingredients of Cleaving!

Family Life Ministry 2015: Building Effective Relationship SkillsSlide2

Study Focus QuestionsWhy did God create marriage?What are elements/requirements for a healthy marriage relationship?Why do some marriages succeed and others fail? What do I need to know/do in order to have a happy/fulfilling/peaceful family relationship?

If the fundamentals are missing in a marriage, everything else will

go wrong! (If the foundation is destroyed/bad/faulty…Psalm 11:3…paraphrased)Slide3

TextPsalm 11:3 (KJV)3 If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

Genesis 2:18-2518 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.Slide4

Text19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.21 And the Lord

God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;Slide5

Text22 And the rib, which the

Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.24 

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.Slide6

The Impact of Lack of Marriage Education!When we want to do anything in life, we readily go in search of knowledge!In fact the law requires that training and licenses be obtained before you can operate certain equipment or function in certain offices/professions!Example - we go through hours of driver training, and sit beside a DMV/DPS officer to take a driving test before we are licensed (legally allowed) to put a vehicle on the road.Slide7

The Impact of Lack of Marriage Education!However, when it comes to the subject of marriage most people think they know it all…They don’t attend sessions like this…They don’t pay attention to the need for pre-marital and marriage counsellingThey skip marriage seminars, etc…Yet they obtained a “marriage license” and

“operate” the marriage relationship! They’re not CLEAVING = WORKING PROACTIVELY towards the success of their relationship!Slide8

Foundational Reasons God Created Marriage1. Communion/Companionship/Company/Friendship18 And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion

for him, a helper suited to his needs.” Genesis 2:18 (TLB)Reason #1 = To produce goodness (completeness) of/in each other (It is not good for man to be alone…)A good marriage requires

sharing of life…i.e. not aloneness!If you are married and still have the “mine” mentality, you are destroying the foundation of your marriage…it is not good…it is selfishness!You can’t be selfish and have a successful marriage because the foundation requires the “ours/sharing” mentalitySlide9

Foundational Reasons God Created Marriage2. Provide Suitable Support (Help Meet = KJV Language)18 And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.” Genesis 2:18 (TLB)

To bear each other’s burden…help = support = assist; e.g. helping to lift a load…it makes the load a lot easier to liftThe support is mutual…The key to supporting each other is the sense of partnership

(not lordship or servitude!)Slide10

Foundational Reasons God Created Marriage3. To Fill in the “The Blank” (Missing Piece) in Each Other18 

And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.” Genesis 2:18 (TLB)There are needs (blanks) of each man that requires a specific woman and vice versa!When I say needs, I mean key elements that is missing in each gender…differences that requires input that can only be met by the ingredients God used in creating your spouse, and abilities He placed in him/her!

This leads to the subject of partnership…Slide11

Foundational Reasons God Created Marriage4. PartnershipNote that the woman is part of the man…formed out of his ribs!Other species were created out of the dust individually, but when it came to humans, God took out of the man to make the woman.

19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air…

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.Slide12

Foundational Reasons God Created MarriageThis implies that we need each other for completenessThere are things you are not strong at that your spouse is designed to be good at…e.g. the female intuition is 10x stronger than the male’s!...it is a God given ability to women…Therefore to function in completeness, we must value each other’s uniqueness and utilize each other’s strengths to produce a higher quality result than you can unilaterally achieve!Slide13

Foundational Reasons God Created MarriagePartnership requires a sense of value of each other’s uniqueness, and wisely employing our uniqueness in partnershipMarriage is not a competitive environment but a supportive partnership!The fact that we are different parts of the same means God used/mixed different ingredients to produce the whole beingMen and women are not the same (not only in physical terms, but in many other ways – emotionally, strengths/grace, thought process, etc.)

Combining the individual strengths (partnership) thus produces a more effective output and results in a better quality relationship!Slide14

Question:What are some ingredients that can facilitate the successful realization of these 4 fundamental (uniform) purpose of God every marriage?Slide15

Ingredients that facilitates successful marriage…Selflessness Understanding each other’s uniqueness/differencesValuing each other’s strengths (it’s a partnership)

Overcome pride/ego Overlooking offence (seeing the person not the deeds)Sharing (your heart, information, issues, concerns, etc.)

Caring/loveHonor/respectUnity/onenessCleaving!Slide16

God’s Original Design = Oneness = 1+1 = 1!God’s original design (in the beginning) is that each married couple become one flesh Genesis 2:24, 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh

.ONE FLESH = Fused Together (mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually)Matt 19:3-8 (Jesus reiterated the original/beginning intent for marriage)8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to

put away (separate/disunite) your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. Slide17

Yosemite National Park = Faithful Couple“Faithful Couple” = Fused Giant Sequoia @ Yosemite Mariposa GroveA rare case in which two trees grew so close together that their trunks fused together at the base.This is an example of “one flesh”…2 becoming 1!Slide18

Keeping to The Original Divine Intent They shall be implies that it is/takes a process to be/become24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they

shall be one flesh.It is not instantaneous!We need to understand and work on the process of “becoming”!Slide19

Keeping to The Original Divine Intent  A key to fulfilling the divine design of oneness is the word CLEAVE (vs. 24)24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 

Cleave is an action verb (dictionary.com definition below)1. to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to)2. to remain faithful (usually followed by to)

to cleave to one's principles in spite of persecution.CLEAVE = WORK AT PUTTING & KEEPING TOGETHER!Slide20

Cleaver #1Selflessness Value each other’s strengths (it’s a partnership)Understanding each other’s uniqueness/differences

Overcome pride/egoOverlook offence (see the person not the deeds)

Sharing (your heart, information, issues, concerns, etc.)Caring/loveHonor/respectUnity /onenessSlide21

#1: Selflessness18 And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a

companion for him, a helper suited to his needs.” Genesis 2:18 (TLB)Companionship requires sharing of life between a couple

The “alone/me/self” mentality destroys the foundation of a marriage! …it is not good!You can’t be selfish and have a successful marriage!Because the foundation requires stepping away from the “alone” mentality to the “companion” mentalitySlide22

#1: SelflessnessSelflessness = opposite of selfishness!Selfishness: Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with 

oone's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others; characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself

Selflessness: Devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's ownSlide23

#1: SelflessnessSelflessness: Devoted to others' welfare or interest and not one's own

Philippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.Slide24

Discussion Question #1 What are examples of selfishness between couples?Slide25

Discussion Question #1 Examples of selfishness between couples?Personal Thoughts Not sharing concerns, thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc.Personal Time You have no personal time if your spouse needs your help/input at that time!Personal PropertyPersonal FinanceSlide26

Discussion Question #2 Why do individuals find it difficult to be selfless in the marriage setting?Remember the definition of selflessness: devoted to others' (husband’s/wife’s/children’s/parents’) welfare or interest

 and not one's ownPhilippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.Slide27

Discussion Question #3 How can we overcome the tendency to be selfish in the marriage setting?Slide28

Discussion Question #3 How can we overcome the tendency to be selfish in the marriage setting?Philippians 2:3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselvesSlide29

Cleaver #2Selflessness Understanding each other’s uniqueness/differencesValue each other’s strengths (it’s a partnership)

Overcome pride/egoOverlook offence (seeing the person not the deeds)

Sharing (your heart, information, issues, concerns, etc.)Caring/loveHonor/respectUnity (the covenant of intimacy)Slide30

#2 Value Each Other’s Differences & StrengthsUnderstand that men and women are fundamentally different and each have unique strengths!Isaiah 40:29 (KJV):29 He giveth

power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Identify strengths unique to your spouse (its not necessarily the same across the same gender)

Some men enjoy #’s and planning; whereas in some homes it’s the wife…Don’t be stereo typical about it…study your spouse…A quick recap of basic gender differencesSlide31

Basic Gender DifferencesMaleFunctions on Logic (Logical Thinker)

He expresses what he is thinking when communicating

FemaleFunctions on Emotions & FeelingsShe is expressing what she is feeling when communicatingShe doesn’t want you to hear just her words, she wants you to hear her feelings!Slide32

Basic Gender DifferencesMaleWords are only informationThe Information does not affect his emotion…

It is only fact or figures to him!Female

She does not only hear the words, she feels the wordsNever tell a woman what you don’t want her to feelNB: Be careful how you talk to a woman who is not your wifeSlide33

Basic Gender DifferencesMaleTo him everything is impersonal

Negative words have little impact on the man

FemaleShe takes everything personallyShe takes everything you say personal!Slide34

Basic Gender DifferencesMaleHe is interested in the principle

He is only interested in the gist of things?

FemaleShe is interested in the details What, when, where?Slide35

MaleHe quickly analyzes the words and begins to propose solution alternativesUses words like “the fact of the matter is”

Female

She is not asking you to solve the problem!She is simply expressing how she feelsBasic Gender DifferencesSlide36

MaleMen are like filing cabinets!You put the information there and forget it!They say it and forget it!

Female

Women are like a computer disk!She never forgets anything!Never say to a woman what you don’t want her to remember! Basic Gender DifferencesSlide37

MaleHe has to be reminded things over & over againHe only remembers the gist of things

FemaleShe never forgets anything!

Have you ever wondered how she remembers the details of what you said or the cloth you wore to a wedding 10 years ago?Basic Gender DifferencesSlide38

MaleHis work is an extension of his personalityGod gave work to man before He gave her the woman (Gen 2:15)

Female

Her home is an extension of her personalityIt is her domain!She needs to feel you care about things around the house that bother herBasic Gender DifferencesSlide39

MaleCan function in the midst on an unstable situation or environmentFemale

She needs stability & security

She needs to know she can trust you completely!This is why she needs to hear from you “I Love You” everyday!Basic Gender DifferencesSlide40

MaleTend to be resentful when correctedFemale

Tends to be guilt proneShe walks with the weight of a guilt..

She thinks: what did I do wrong?...even when the man is at fault!Please take the weight of guilt off her shoulders!Basic Gender DifferencesSlide41

MaleEvaluates the situation before getting involvedFemale

Tends to get involved in things easily

“if it feels good, it has to be good!”Basic Gender DifferencesSlide42

#2 Value of Each Other’s Differences & StrengthsDiscussion Question #4: How can you ensure that the your differences don’t obscure the perception/reception of your spouse’s inputs? Slide43

#2 Value Each Other’s Differences & StrengthsDiscussion Question #4: How can you ensure that the your differences don’t obscure the perception/reception of your spouse’s inputs? Remind yourself that there are strengths in your spouse that you lack!

Isaiah 40:29 (KJV):29 He giveth power to the faint; and

to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Seek input on every issue from your spouse for optimum outcome…Slide44

#2 Value Each Other’s Differences & StrengthsSeek to understand things from your spouse’s perspectiveKnow that you will always be clouded by your point of viewAsk questions to clarify your understanding your spouse’s inputs (verbal or non-verbal)Don’t jump to conclusion; always ask for clarification

Men should listen for feelings…Women should listen for facts…Apologize for misconceptions and forgive if misunderstood!Slide45

Cleaver #3Selflessness Value each other’s strengths (it’s a partnership)Understanding each other’s uniqueness/differences

Overcome pride/egoOverlook offence (seeing the person not the deeds)

Sharing (your heart, information, issues, concerns, etc.)Caring/loveHonor/respectUnity (the covenant of intimacy)Slide46

#3 Overcome Pride/Ego Pride (dictionary.com)A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.Consideration of one’s opinion/ability as superior

You can never KNOW IT ALL!Slide47

#3 Overcome Pride/Ego Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. GNT = Pride leads to destruction, and arrogance to downfall.

Pride will lead to destruction of a relationship!Slide48

#3 Overcome Pride/Ego Proverbs 11:2 When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly (humble) is wisdom.Pride will prevent you from being able to take advantage of your spouse’s wisdom, because you want to be the one that’s right all the time!

SolutionPhilippians 2:3 Let nothing be done through strife (competition) or vainglory (pride)

; but in lowliness (humility) of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.Slide49

SummaryOne of our texts was: If the fundamentals are missing in a marriage, everything else will go wrong! (Psalm 11:3 paraphrased)We discussed 3 ingredients that facilitates CLEAVING and the successful realization God’s foundational purpose for marriage…

What are they?Slide50

Summary#1 Selflessness#2 Value Each Other’s Differences & Strengths#3 Overcome Pride/Ego Repeated scripture…Philippians 2:3

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselvesSlide51

Question & AnswersSlide52

Prayer Point…Father please help us to…Be SelflessValue Each Other’s Differences & StrengthsOvercome Pride/Ego Esteem each other better than ourselves

In our home/family/relationship…